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I live and work in a small rural area (and believe me if I knew H had this problem I would have stayed in the city) your life is under a microscope so anything you do everyone knows it.

I work seasonally for summer plays and top boss thankfully I rarely see because she is very strict, no coloring outside the lines at all, and gets angry easy if everything doesn't go her way. For those use to working for a large company its hard to understand some of the things small town employers get away with. Like how they treat people.

So you can imagine how if it takes every ounce of patience for me to deal with her, how my HBPD'r deals with a person like that. Normally he never sees her, but as chance would have it his job as part time taxi person took him to where she was tonight.

When he brought the first people as he left someone tried to flag him down to talk and he admits he didn't stop. So second round of folks he drove in the other way that is closed during plays and even went past barrier. My boss he said came running across the area with face red and yelling and ranting at him. I don't think he was exaggerating because I know her, she would. Any rule you break is horrible for her, but a big rule like that she would yell.

So while she was still yelling, thankfully people were out of car, my H just rolls up window and drives off. Into the area where a guy I work with flags him down, this time he stops because he knows him and guy starts to tell my husband he was wrong and he drove off.

I guess I can be thankful that he told me if it wasn't my boss he would have told her to F off.

But you can bet I will hear about it tomorrow at work. Maybe they won't hold it against me, but now she will find an excuse not to give me the raise I have been wanting.

I spent the night wishing I could afford to leave my husband. When we retired early, I thought his anger was his job, I didn't realize until we moved here that wasn't it at all.  I didn't see him much in the city as I worked days and he worked nights. I would love to have that back!

But our deal was I put the money I had in the house and we live on his pension. Now with housing burst all of my money is gone.  I can't afford to live on my own and to be honest after all the years I worked fulltime 30 plus with no pension except SS maybe someday I feel like I shouldn't have to go back to work full time again just to get away from H.

This yoyo life is insane.  I don't even know what normal is.

Hey nodoover!

Sounds like you are in a difficult place, no doubt. You do have choices though. Yep, life is full of them, and sometimes they are tough choices, crummy no matter which one we choose. However, doing something, anything is better than accepting the unacceptable.

As far as dealing with your boss, you won't be able to reason with her. However, you can choose not to discuss your husband's behavior with her since it has nothing to do with you. I would walk away from that conversation if it comes up. If she's that hard to deal with, maybe it's not a good place for you to work. I'm not suggesting jumping ship without a plan, just that maybe it's time to start putting out feelers for another position elsewhere.

As far as dealing with your husband's anger, you have choices there too. There are links on The Staying Board to The Lessons which have many tools to help us improve our communication and coping skills in BPD relationships. Since you haven't spent a lot of time together in past years, you obviously found ways around the problems. Now, spending more time together, you will have to learn some new skills. You'll find here that we talk about making changes in ourselves in order to make life with a pwBPW more manageable. If they are not getting help themselves, it's our only option!

Best Wishes,

Val78