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Title: Possible reasons why she refers to herself in the third person? Post by: TriggerMortis on July 29, 2013, 12:27:37 PM I've seen several threads on this before, but not a more recent one:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139494.0 https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=140450.0 https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=81039.0 My uBPDw (clinically undiagnosed but shows strong signs) will often refer to herself in the third person during arguments. She hardly ever does this during positive times that I've noticed, but it does happen (e.g., "She likes to try new things for our relationship". But she'll express statements like: * "She must be seen as so dumb and stupid" * "She could see things clearly if she wasn't such a stupid hit." * "She is horrible." * "She should just shut up and know her place" * "She is being whipped around at the end of your rope, she sees how you are manipulating her." * "Educate her, for she is crazy. Feel sorry for me." * "I asked for space... . he can't give because of his own needs (to be affectionate). What will she do? You crushed my heart."[/li][/list] On occasion, she's chalked this up to self-pity. And of course I've read about "splitting" and "disassociating", and how this may relate to her projecting her own negative emotions on me. I'm struggling to have a better understanding of why she'd do this, and what I can do during those moments she talks about herself... . like she's outside herself. Title: Re: Possible reasons why she refers to herself in the third person? Post by: charred on July 29, 2013, 12:47:46 PM Shame, distancing herself from how she acts... . even though you might get blamed for everything they did, they still deal with feelings around what they do, and some of it anyone would want distance from. My exBPDgf didn't refer to herself in the third person, but she had moments you would have thought she had a conscience hidden somewhere... . then the moment would pass.
Title: Re: Possible reasons why she refers to herself in the third person? Post by: Wrongturn1 on July 29, 2013, 02:20:16 PM Or could she essentially be putting words in your mouth (i.e., she's saying what she imagines you are thinking)? Then if you don't dispute what she says, she assumes that you agree with those statements?
My uBPDw, when dysregulated, often attempts to put words in my mouth by twisting my statements 180 degrees from what I actually said. This has decreased since I have become more skillful at not conversing with her when she is in a dysregulated state. Title: Re: Possible reasons why she refers to herself in the third person? Post by: charred on July 29, 2013, 02:50:05 PM Heard that "The Donald" does that... . but he is expected to be an eccentric (meaning out of round... or oblong in other words)... billionaire. For someone more pedestrian to do it... seems like putting on airs or disassociating from themselves. Probably a bit of both.
Title: Re: Possible reasons why she refers to herself in the third person? Post by: Chosen on July 29, 2013, 10:23:28 PM Maybe she's the Queen
Actually, I think Wrongturn1 may be right... . she's trying to speak for you. In that case, you must reiterate yourself but not get dragged into the argument. My H does that a lot (not referring to himself in third person, but putting words in my mouth.) E.g. "You think that hit__." I will just say, "It may seem to you that I'm thinking hit__. However, I'm not. I'm thinking hit__." then if he pushes the issue like I didn't clarify myself, I will say, "Seems like you have made up your mind on what to believe in. I have already said that I am thinking hit_, so you can believe me or not." I made it clear that it's ok if he doesn't believe me, but I'm not changing my views just because he insists I am thinking something. Then at least you've made your point and not accepted a twisted point of view. Title: Re: Possible reasons why she refers to herself in the third person? Post by: charred on July 29, 2013, 11:03:24 PM I have had words put in my mouth... but thought that was a different subject... however it may not be. I certainly had fishing expeditions done; I know what you are thinking... blah, blah, blah... . and she didn't know but was looking for a reaction to figure out what I was thinking.
Dated a really bright girl years back did the same thing, she was possibly too bright for me(met her when she was getting her second masters degree... . she is a nationally known writer now, very smart.)... . as she would say "I know what your thinking"... and I never told her but I hadn't got to where she was going yet and wouldn't for some time yet... . but the things she said were right on... . she wasn't the pwBPD though. However it was the same technique, put it out there and check the reaction. Many of the pwBPD are very astute observers of reactions... . the reactions they get matter to them more than understanding things or the truth... . so they can be eagle eyes for a reaction. Maybe that is what it was. |