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been three months that shes been gone. in last month shes broke N/C three or four times. ive told her three times now we need to move on, i know i shouldnt take the txt or calls. its killed me to get this far with out her. now that lifes to real she wants me to be here and hold her hand.

i quess im asking do they ever give up?

She's a professional boundary breaker! You can't rely on her to stop.

Once you say goodbye, it is up to you to stop the cycle. All is needed is you not to reply. She'll then eventually get the hint, and move on to newsimplyasiam.

Why would she give up if you take her calls... . aka... . soothe her emotions.

There's no point in telling her that you both have to move on... you actually have to do it. Words are useless-it really all comes down to your actions. You don't actually owe her an explanation for moving on-if you want to move on, then move on. There's been some people that I've had to cut out my life and I've just done it. It may seem harsh but there's no other way. There was one particular person who tried to worm their way back in but I wasn't having any of it. You really have to stick to your guns and put yourself first here-who cares about what she wants at the end of the day? If you've had enough, then that should be it.

Simply

They never give up.   To put it in the cheap trick song  They want you to want them.  That does not mean they will ever let you have them just they want to be wanted.  When you stop wanting them they will do whatever it takes to reel you in.  The problem is its almost always based on a lie and they have a huge fear of having the lie exposed.

Hi Simply!

Many of us are socialized to be compassionate and thoughtful towards others and on the whole, that's a good thing. However, there are extenuating circumstances here in detaching from a pwBPD. First, we must do what is necessary to take care of ourselves above all else. Second, we are not doing the pwBPD any favors by continuing to enable them to have their emotional needs met by us. In order to heal, they must learn to do this on their own. Not that forcing them to do so is our responsibility, it's just the net result of not responding to their reaching out when they want to be comforted.

Best Wishes,

Val78

This is about the stage I am in now. Its coming up on the 2 month mark of her walking out on me. Last week I had been texting her goodmorning and just having a generalized chat with her throughout the day, you know I do want to be friends. She showed up at my house saturday, sunday and Monday. I asked her to leave every time, sunday she left, but then begged me to come to her house because she was alone, she even bribed me with sex. Monday she showed up just as I was about to leave, she wanted to kiss me on the lips, I wouldn't let her, so she started kissing my neck until I finally just kissed her so I could leave. I even told her if she didn't leave I would call the cops, her response was "well you can't text me like you do and not expect me to show up here"

During our relationship, if she ever wanted something and I said no she would either.

1. Guilt trip me by saying "well you just bought this", or "You just spent all that money on that and I left you"

2. She would go into a rage and start yelling at me about it.

3. She would start to cry.

I don't think they know how to accept no as an answer.

Hi xAndrew and All!

Many of us, myself included, were (are) terrible at protecting our boundaries. Even if the pwBPD won't accept no as our answer, it's up to us, to enforce our answer with our actions. I'm better at this now. If my "friend" kissed my neck, I wouldn't kiss him to get him to leave. I would push him away, and lead him to the door, not let him back in unless he respected my boundaries. Intermittent rewards don't work with some people. It only reinforces their belief that you don't mean what you say!

Best Wishes,

Val78

In the end I had to shut down all possible communication channels.

Changed my phone numbers (and my mother's) to unlisted and private.

Changed email address.

etc

EVERYTHING

Fortunately she lives so far away she cant just turn up at my home

Problem solved  *)

Let the good times roll  |iiii