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Something is keeping me up tonight.  I had a great visit with my T yesterday, but something also isn't sitting well with me.  Who is the real person that I got to know these past 7 months, the sweet, caring, thoughtful Ms. Hyde, or the manipulating, sinister, coniving Dr. Jekyll?

Thoughts on this please... .

Blade,

In my opinion, both are the real person.  Or well, both are the borderline personality without any real identity.

Remember none of their feelings are real as the way you and I may experience them.  It's all about anxiety, shame, fear,... . in the emotional head of a small child.

Reg

Hi Blade!

I agree with Reg in that both J&H comprise who a pwBPD really is. The thing we must remember though is that the feelings they experience are real. They really feel everything despite the fact that many of the feelings are not based on facts. In addition, they do not process the feelings like a healthy person would, and act impulsively.

Here's where validation comes in handy. We can validate our loved ones feelings without agreeing with the facts, and in doing so are helping to quell their fears.

Best Wishes,

Val78

They are both the real person. My ex could be the sweetest person in the world, she would do just about anything for me, she was great, but if she was in a bad mood, or didn't get her way or something she wanted, or  just was painting me black, let me tell you it was hell. I have learned that the girl who is sweet and loving is really there, but she most likely won't ever just be "that girl"

I agree with the others.

There's this huge misconception that underneath our BPD lives the person that we want: the sweet, loving, kind, affectionate, and doting human being that we fell in love with... . and many of us get stuck chasing the fairy dust of that powerful illusion.

BPD is character disorder. This means their mental illness is ingrained into their hearts and minds. It's who they are and there is no separate good person from bad person. It's a complete package of toxic dysfunction.

Spell

Funny thing is 80% of the time we got along great, granted we got hammered drunk litterally every time we were together.  It was the 20% that got really ugly that was unbearable.  However 100% of our relationship was unhealthy. 

Blade I actually had an almost 4 month period where everything was ok in our relationship, living together, it was a moment in which there was as good as no manipulative behavior around us, or other negative influences.  In that period it was an almost stable relationship that could be considered normal. And all of a sudden, bang !

You never see it coming.

Reg

I knew something wasn't stable with her probably 30-45 days into seeing her.  But she was so much fun, and the sex was incredible.  Then she told me of a bf who committed suicide... . i blew it off, but i always thought in the back of my mind, why hasn't this woman been swept off her feet, she is perfect... . ah the idealization.  It only took another 60 days or so for the first "I hate you" to be heard from her, and yet I still thought it was me... . ah the manipulation... . then I started to attack her verbally in fights when her rage came from no where... . ah the guilt.  She really did a number on me, but I don't blame her, as I am looking deep inside me to discover why I ignored all the signs that were present from day 1.