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Why is it, that I am beginning to have very graphic sexual dreams about the exbf?

The dreams are powerful enough to disturb my sleep and can make me cry?  :'(

Its not as if the ex and I had a great sex life.  He was passive and very withholding.

Also, this is annoying me as my libido has been slumbering for over a year and I do not want

to be disturbed thank you very much  :)

This is one of the very few times I would ever suggest this... . but perhaps you SHOULD find someone for a quick 'tumble in the hay'?  Let me explain:

Graphic sexual dreams are not uncommon.  While I was with my last BPDex, I sometimes had them about the previous BPDex (two in a row - how's that for unlucky?).  In the four months since my last break-up, not one about the first ex, but a couple about the last.  I don't over-analyse them.  I know what the issue is.  I'm lonely, I'm a sexual being, and she was the last person I connected to on that level.  I, too, often feel down the next day after such a dream.

I think it's really important to stay single after a BPD relationship, for a while, to give us time to heal and deal with our own issues. But it's also important to look after ourselves.  Perhaps connecting with someone else, even if it's just for one night, will help you process those complicated sexual memories/attachments that are causing the dreams.

If nothing else, why would you want your libido to 'slumber'?  There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex, nor wanting it.  It's a basic mammalian drive, and a primary one too!  This is the 21st century, and very few people (none whose opinions are worth worrying over, in my opinion) would think badly of anyone for having a purely physical encounter with someone. 

My MOTHER has suggested, several times, that I go out and pick up a girl.  I'm amazed!  But also touched and happy.  I would never have expected my mother to be so modern in her thinking (she's in her mid-60s). 

Whatever you decide is right for you, I hope you'll feel better soon. A year on is enough time, in my opinion, for you to start thinking about the future, not dwelling on the past.  I don't say that as criticism; it's meant as support.  Isn't it time you had some fun? :)

@Niceguy83

:) :) I like your post  |iiii

Well, I know there is nothing to stop me from having some fun out there, but

to be honest, im not interested in anything sexual from either male or female.

I literally have no desire.  That side of me has died. Ive not felt in the least bit

romantic.   That is why I am so frustrated at my dreams. 

I rather hope that side of you has just lain dormant, rather than truly died.  But I do understand.  It's been four months for me, and I have (for the first time in my adult life) NOT rebounded, nor felt the need to do so.  I don't really want a relationship right now.  But that's the emotional connection I'm not interested in; my mind is healing.  My body, sadly, has a mind of it's own, and I swear my housemate needs to start wearing more than her underwear around the house!  :)

Seriously, though, it sounds like maybe you're not emotionally interested in a relationship, but maybe your body is telling you you ARE ready for a physical relationship.  Maybe not; only you can really say.  Let me say this though: staying celibate probably doesn't help us move on emotionally.  I've seen my housemate end up back in bed with her ex (and that relationship has been off and on more than any I've ever known), despite that she can't stand him, and I'm sure it's because she won't give herself a chance with anyone new.  There are plenty of nice, normal guys out there.  I'm friends with lots of them, and many are single, unbelievably. 

dancing,

i feel the same way and my ex was also very passive and withholding.  he once told me i pressure him too much for sex.  what?  anyway the dreams are actually better than it was for me in real life.  i too am annoyed.  it has been 9 mos for me... . but who's counting?   i am not interested in dating right now, i feel it wouldn't be fair to the guy since i am still quite a mess.   lol

last night i had a dream about my ex and he had his ears pierced (the exbf i knew he would never do that) and he was wearing crucifix earrings. (the exbf I knew was an atheist).  In the dream I said to him "who are you?"  maybe my mind is telling me something?