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She said she missed me, but that we can't be together. She was hoping that maybe one day we can but instead of the time between now and then being spent sorting herself out, she believes she has to experience more of the world so as to truly appreciate me... . she believes she must be in a few more relationships and get hurt by them so as to not get on my back about inconsequential things... . I guess her intentions are good, to sort herself out so that we can be together... . but the journey she's planning on taking to get there isn't the best one... .

I can see where she's coming from, but I don't think it'll do anything but make her even more insecure :/ She's gone NC now, we'll have to see what happens in the coming weeks :)

So she flat out says she wants to be with other dudes before ever getting back with you? If she wants to. And you're ok with that? I would tell her to get the (bad word) out of here.

She made an excuse to go spend time with other guys and have you on the back burner. It's all for her not you. Sorry man, I got a little peeved reading this. I have no idea how you kept your cool. Of course BPD's have that magical wand of manipulation.

Buddy, you do not want to be hanging around waiting for her to sort herself out. She is saying these things to you to keep you hanging about and use youmwhen she needs. All you are going to do is feel used, stressed out and hurt by it all. Go out and get yourself another more deserving girl.

I went throughnsomething similar with a previous gf and it was a less than enjoying experience.shevsaid exactly the same rubbish that your ex is saying, stringing me along for comfort when things went bad.   Eventually I had enough and walked away fom it all. It took me to go off travelling for a year to get over it. Defintely the best thing I could have done .  She tried to iniate contact many times in the following months during her many bf's but I did not give in.

As hard as it is to hear, walk away from this.  Save yourself from the misery.

As jollygreen says... . tell her where to go.

Thing is she's been away for a couple of weeks, and is coming back this weekend. If she stays with him then yeah, I am definitely not interested... . but she still has the option to come back, end it with him and talk to me seriously about if we're a viable thing. I told her that if she loved me and did want to be with me, that this plan of hers was ridiculous and she couldn't expect me to sit around and wait while she's off with someone else. She has one more chance to make this right, but I don't have high hopes that she will do what's necessary and end it with him :/

I told her that no-one should be second best, and that if he is a substitute for me then she needs to stop sleeping with him, and if I'm not her number 1 then I'm not interested. I've known her for nearly 3 years, and I can understand how, in her head, this all makes sense. But I flat out told her that every day she is with him instead of doing something to positively reenforce us, she's destroying any chance we have of reconciling that much more. She knows that staying with him is going to destroy us, and that if she's serious about this then she needs to stop drinking, stop messing about with this guy and stop going out every night... . and instead, clear her head and work out what the hell she wants and how she's going to get it - whatever/whoever that may be.

If she wanted to come back to me, I would not just take her back as I have in the past... . she would have to be single and unattached for a while and would have to make an effort to get some therapy or something... . after what she's done this time, I'm not even ready to be with her again any time soon. I just feel like if she does love me, and is worth it, then she will do what's necessary to get back what we used to have. If she can't do that for me, after everything I did for her, then she was never worth it anyway, so I never really lost her :)

As far as I'm aware, they slept together a few times week before last, but aren't seeing eachother... . and her and I were arguing a lot then. Now she's been away and it's me that she misses, not him... . yes, I know that sounds naive of me to believe that she's not playing the both of us, but I'm not going to contact him again to find out, I'm sure everything will become a lot more clear when she gets back.

My life has already changed so much that she wouldn't be able to be with me now anyway, not without therapy/coping methods. The big problem was that I had no social life or friends, especially female friends, and now I'm talking to an average of 20 people on facebook a day and going out a lot more. I know how she would feel about that and how impossible it would be for her to fit into my life now. That's why I know she needs to clear her head somehow... . I don't want her right now, I just don't want to give up on what we had, if that makes sense? It would take a hell of a lot for her to earn my trust again though, that's the tricky part, but if she wants to be with me, then she'll do whatever it takes.

Hope for the best, expect the worst, it's the only thing I can do right now... . meanwhile, I'm living my life and meeting new people, and trying not to think of her. I'd much rather hear that she misses me, instead of how she hates me, if nothing else it helps me move on psychologically...

Interpretation: She wants to see if she can find a better deal than what you have to offer. You are being put on the back-burner while she sleeps with another guy(s).

A question for you. What does she offer you that you could not find in a relationship where there is an actual monogamous commitment on both sides? You sound pretty willing to take her back if she proved herself, but how would you ever know if she is being truthful?

I don't know... . I guess I trust her :/

But I'm not going to wait around, if she chooses to be with other guys and keep me on the backburner then she could be in for a surprise if and when she comes back and I'm with someone else... . I'm goin to live my life as if she doesn't exist and let her do the work for once. She knows how I feel about it, best to just leave it now :/

I think you have a pretty good outlook on this after seeing more of how you feel. At least you know what she's doing behind the scenes so to speak. I wish I had just the slightest bit of info my ex is with someone else. It would help me move on a lot quicker I think and there would be no turning back BPD or not.