BPDFamily.com

I know (rationally) that I did the best starting divorce from stbxBPDw and being separated from her one month and a half. The problem I am facing, is that, although I know (my conscious mind –brain- knows) it’s the best for me, my body, feelings (unconscious?) doesn’t know how to react in particular situations, mostly at night. Like yesterday, I was in a meeting, and the people I know were warmth (they do not know about my situation)  and I had a good time. And I recognized myself , I was myself despite all the problems. But, when they were saying good bye, I get a feeling of loneliness and despair, I had no home  to go! (divorce is not final yet, and I am staying with friends and family, I have a “place” to go, but no “home”)

When do you feel like yourself again? What to do in order to.

How do (did) you start to build your “home “?

What you are feeling is normal for someone going through a divorce. You are transitioning. Give yourself some time rather than push yourself through something you are not ready for.

Look after yourself rather than feel the need to “do”. Partners of Borderlines have a tendency to need to “do” constantly! Always on the move and find it hard to sit still and be in their own thoughts. Have you tried meditation, walking in nature/beach, playing music. Just be!

I used to enjoy being with my self, now due uncertainty, It's hard.

That sounds WONDERFUL!   *)

I dream about being able to do this.  I also have 3 kids (D15, S12, and S8) as well as a high-level full-time job and am extremely busy.  Add in the fact that I am dealing with uBPDh, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

I would add... . take up photography (or take a class), find a hobby to keep your hands busy, read books, watch a TV series on DVD you've always wanted to see... . but I would agree that you need to find something that YOU enjoy that will allow you to just be you!

Thanks javamom,

I will watch several TV series and movies I didn't watch because she told me she wanted to watch them with me, and later she told me she already saw them.

I created a spreadsheet of resources, and one of goals. My first focus was on building a support network for my children, and myself. We are staying with my mother in her 3/2 home. I focused on my grad school work, on obtaining a job (because mommy needed to shift it up a notch to be the provider), obtaining a therapist for my two littles, seeing my Psychologist, finding family activities like hula lessons and joining a church. I just established a routine, and find comfort in it.

I have good days and bad days, more good than bad. My exBPD is several states away and for some strange reason has always had an aversion to my state. So it helps. Im just thankful to be alive, and to be with my children. I may be sleeping ona  sagging cot right now, but I know it isnt forever. So just try to find the positives... . such as no more eggshells!

In June, I was hiding between two beds trying to complete a graduate paper (that I ended up getting a 100 on). I had my narsacisstic mother in law come over to me screaming at me, saying my laptop was the sole reason their electric bill would increase & then try gaslighting me saying :I only meant it as an example"  - my exBPD was ripping on me saying my school was more important than spending time with him (Im a scholarship student. I cant afford to attend otherwise.)... . I was hiding between two beds to write one of my two major papers for my class... . You can be darn tootin sure, Im thankful to be sleeping on this saggy cot, typing away to you on my laptop, than be in *that*   It wont be forever, like CM mentioned, this is a transition... . that means better things are coming...

Curiously my borderline ex gave me two healers before we definitely broke up.   lol

One is the cat from her husband, from whom she will divorce since 5 years, and who wanted to get rid of the animal.  The other one is music.  Having been a dj about 20 years ago, my ex her daughter, now 12, told her friends at school a year and a half ago I was a dj, and that she would bring a mix from me.  I actually found it funny, and could have said no, sorry, I'm no longer doing this, but I was curious if I would still be able to make something good.  And I did.  And music was becoming more a part of my life again.

Hmm come to think of it, maybe that's why my ex had 'feelings' for a dj all of a sudden, she wanted a higher level music experience, héhéhé.

She never got the dj, who said she had no respect, and she is still in adoration for that person.

The music and the cat have really helped me a lot the last few months.  That and writing down my story and making the connection to her borderline behavior.

I am almost a reborn person !  So no worries, you'll get there  |iiii