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My husband has been so up and down lately it's really getting to me. This morning he's just outright insane. He sent me a text telling me about something on TV that he thought was fishy. He seemed to think I had seen something about it before. Anyways, I sent something back saying I don't remember watching anything about that. And he calls me and tells me he's leaving me and wants to know which dog I want. Tells me that I'm a cheating whore and he doesn't want me any more. I asked specifically why he is upset, and he just says because I'm cheating on him. He never actually gives another answer other than that. All this means to me is that he's split me for no reason, when he sees me as black he tells me he "knows" I'm cheating on him so I need to just tell him his name. Or he will say something along the lines of I just want you to tell me the truth, I know your cheating so just fess up. I try not to Jade, it's hard not to say there is nothing to tell, there is no name to give because I'm not cheating on you. When he's really out there he just repeats over and over again, tell me his name, what is his name. It doesn't matter what response I give and I do walk away, go to the other room hang up the phone. He will then calm down enough to talk calmly and then he will find something wrong and start it all over again.

I am finally going to get counseling next week. There have been so many times that he makes me feel like I am the problem. Yesterday he started screaming at me because he couldn't understand what I was explaining to him. I don't have this problem with anyone else understanding me. I think what bothers me the most is there is no intercepting point. He goes from loving me to hating me in 5 seconds and what causes it can be as little as me looking at him the wrong way. Yesterday he got mad at me when I got home because I acted depressed. I was exhausted! and I didn't even get a chance to sit down before he started crap again.

I actually had a decent night last night, I enjoyed talking to him for awhile. Two mini blow ups that went away as quickly as they came. And that's what makes me feel so insane. A blow up can last 3 days or 5 minutes. I was doing really good for awhile not letting him get to me and walking away when he goes too far, but its been getting to the point where he's blowing up constantly only to calm down and then blow up again. At some point he will return to normal where his blow ups will be once every couple of weeks and I can deal with that, I can't deal with a blow up every night several times a night.

I know for a fact that my husband isn't using, this is his usual shenanigans. I'm pretty good at figuring out when he is using and yes he is worse when he uses (other than Pot). The cheating thing is his go to thing, he says it every time he gets mad at me and it's his fuel for hating me more. I've never figured out how to really deal with it. From what I have gathered he's worse with the cheating crap than others on this site. He's accused me of having sex with someone else while on the phone with him, he's even thought that I was sneaking people into our bedroom window while he was in the other room! He does have more than just BPD so that could be why. When I stand up for myself his response is always, who's feeding you this stuff, I know that's not you speaking, like I can't think for myself. He hasn't contacted me since I told him "I'm not responding to mean texts, I added, it only causes a full blown fight and I don't want to fight". I do have to leave work soon though, I am hoping he's been sleeping.

I thought telling him there is nothing to tell is basically denying, I haven't mastered the not Jading thing because I just don't know how else to respond, he doesn't always give me enough to Validate and he doesn't always allow me to say my peace anyways.