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Triggering for anger.


I swear to God if I hear one more EFF-ing time ... . the sentence "it is not happening now, you are safe now" in a counselors office I will completely collapse within my head.

I will collapse.

Im living with a woman and man who at the DROP OF A HAT become enraged to the point of mind numbing screams and

spiralling insults from the mouth of satan himself... .

CONSTANT. and then suddenly they are . "sweetie pie" , "honey", "sweetheart"

IM NOT CRAZY Im not making it up... .

I swear to God each time my counselor tells me "its not happening now, its okay now"

Maybe for 50 minutes in that office it is, but its NOT IN GENERAL.

Its not even when Im away... .

ITS NOT LIKE THAT.


wHAT THE EFF is in peoples heads

"your a ___ , you're a little caniving b(*****"

":)O WHAT I SAY OR ELSE _____"

"aw sweetie come and help mama with this errand"

"LITTLE B**** COME THE F*** OVER HERE**

and then im told everything is fine


If im not happy when they are happy im evil

if Im upset im sensitive

If I scream because Im tired of peopel being nice then mean nice then mean Im a  PEACE BREAKER.


Do not tell me I can move out, I cant okay, I dont have the money, I dont have the means, Im like a puppet here, whenever I leave I come back, I have guilt IM not mentally capable of leaving.

I feel so invalidated right now, like im some kind of CRAZY F***** thats making up mean stories about her mommmy and daddy to her counselor because shes a spoiled little brat.,... .

My stepdad as ajoke told me I was in trouble, I said why, he said... . "because you were born"



and then tomorrow they make eggs and pancakes and were supposed to be a normal family.



and then i got to counseling and my counselor says, but things are okay now, they cant hurt you now, you dont have to listen to them now



IN WHAT EFFING GOD DAMN WORLD IS SHE LIVING IN.



BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL ISNT MINE

IM not mad at her.

IM just TIRED. im sorry  

I have a rage inside of me that I can almost taste.

That would make me angry too. It's very invalidating. No, it isn't happening right then. But that doesn't mean you are safe from their abuse. Can you write down how invalidating this is for you? And how abgry it makes you to be told this and then maybe give it to your counselor? A friend did this with a doctor who invalidated her. He aplogized.

The things your T is saying are good messages to learn when recovering from trauma... . but in order to be able to recover from trauma, you have to have a safe environment and not still be in the midst of being traumatized. I can definitely understand why the message "You are safe now" would be infuriating to you, because it isn't true yet. It is ok to tell your T why her saying that makes you mad.

So how can you get to safety? You are working very hard and I know you want to heal. I know you feel financially trapped right now. Have you asked your T for help to come up with a plan for moving out? What specific things would need to be in place in order for that to happen (e.g., how much money do you need to save, how would you find roommates or an apartment, do you need a job, etc.)? You might be able to apply for government assistance or get other help from he career services office at your school. Would you be willing to make a plan and work toward some specific goals?

Wishing you peace,

PF