BPDFamily.com

Ok so,

This is where I have my mind at right now. I'm about 2 months out and there has been NC whatsoever (even on my part). I won't get into my relationship as my experience is as similar as most stories on here  .

I have not recieved closure and I'm trying to deeply embed it in my mind that it will be ME who will be the sole provider of closure.

I REALLY have got to get it into my thick head that no matter how pretty a girl is and how much she just oh-so desperately needs rescuing, I'm not the guy to do it. For a very obvious reason, I can't. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, no way in hell can I "fix" someone who has gone through so much. In this case, Love does not triumph, It was not love to begin with.

I need to fix MYSELF because man, 9 months of the hell she has put me through is not normal. What would of been normal is me running the hell away but I stayed. I need to understand why I allowed it and sorry to say this but I need to stop thinking with my other head .

I'm split black no doubt about it. I know thats because she cared for me in whatever sick way she could, she loved me in whatever effed up way she was conditioned to growing up.

Being with a BPD is damaging and even dangerous to both parties. You as the non- have no idea what you're getting into due to some issue and YOU as the non trigger really deeply embedded fears into your partner thus damaging each other some way or another.

I think about her being better with the next guy but highly doubt it. It's a fear I see alot here and to be honest, how could I think for a second that *ISSUES* from perhaps decades ago could be fixed by my relationship? absolutely not.

this is where I am thus far, I'm in limbo. I alternate between missing her/detaching/anger/sadness/ and the occasional "I haven't even thought about her today :)!" I try to feel every emotion rather than bottling it but it's hard.