BPDFamily.com

Update from this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=204885.msg12279533#msg12279533

I now believe that the Facebook message my ex sent me last month after 4 months of NC was a recycle attempt. I never replied, by the way.

When she sent me that message, she was single. I don't know what happened between her and the Utah guy, but she moved back here after spending a month with him in Utah (not here as in where she exactly used to live, but to some island like 50 miles away). She stopped camming and worked full-time as maid. After a few weeks, she moved back HERE and in with her dad again (where she lived when I met her) and actually started camming again! This was all after she told me she got out of the camming industry, hah. How do I know this? Well, I'm guilty of checking her cam again. But I don't feel bad, I'm no longer emotionally invested so I didn't feel sad, mad, ect. when I did it. She said on cam to someone in her public chat that she moved back home because she was having "health issues" but hoped to be out by the end of August. So she's currently back camming in her dad's house! Wow. My guess is trying to make money so she can move out again.

Last week she signed up on POF. And guess what? She's in another relationship again! It's Facebook confirmed, haha. It actually makes me angry how she keeps monkey branching with her disorder. How many more men's lives is she going to wreck before she gets help. The tape just plays over and over again, it seems. It's actually disturbing.

Looks like she didn't change one bit, which is to be expected, BPD is a serious mental illness, and if it can be treated its only with a lot of therapy and effort. Also, of course her relationship with the guy in Utah wasn't gonna work, its not like she was gonna change overnight. It was doomed, and it makes sense that she was trying to recycle you once that relationship failed.

We don’t care when we have moved on – we check just to make sure its still not us who is to blame and that if in fact we can pick out a pattern, after the fact, then it definitely is not us.

Paperlung, if you in fact don’t care and have in deed detached this post of yours would have read quite different - the post would have been about you and how you have moved on and got your life back. The great things you have learnt about yourself - 'she' wouldn't make a mention. Its OK by the way - I'm just questioning your antedoctal - 'I have moved on by the way' - and wonder if you really have and what that looks like for you.

Well, I haven't moved on in the sense that I have gone and found a new girlfriend, no. I really don't to be in relationship with any woman right now.

I do, however, no longer feel sad that I was replaced, or sad/angry that I was used, and abused emotionally. I truly want her to find lasting happiness, but I know it's doubtful. That saddens me.

Moving on I guess is not necessary finding another mate. It's finding your reasons that got you into the relationship.

Being focused on our ex does not provide the space to find your reasons it's keeps us invested - however that may look.

Try posting on Personal Inventory if you feel you are over your ex.

Oh, I definitely know why I got into that relationship. Was aware of the reasons even while we dated.

And if had been more experienced with women when I met her, I may never of gotten into a relationship with that one in the first place.

OK so why did you stay?

Clearmind, I also knew the reason why I got into the relationship, and I knew it even while I was dating her, and I tried to detach, God knows I tried. But even though I was AWARE of the reason why I got into the r-ship, and I KNEW I had to get out, I couldn't get out. I just couldn't find the strength to do it. Being without her was too painful to bear, I couldn't do it.

Th reason why I finally detached was not because I understood something new, or had an epiphany, it was because something very traumatic happened (I had to wrestle with her and constrain her on the side of the freeway b/c she said she was going to jump under a car), and that trauma shook me to the core, and made me realize that I couldn't do it anymore.

I think that had something traumatic hadn't happened I still wouldn't have the strength to detach...

So for me personally, finding your reasons that got me into the relationship did not mean I was able to detach and move on. It took trauma for me to be able to move on.