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I'm two months out... . At this point, I can't bare to even think she might contact me some day because quite honestly I dont think i am strong enough at this point to ignore her, in time and after some intense soul searching I will.

A little background-

she has tons of photos of us on fb/instagram of us and I'm still tagged.

Has my a few family members on fb/instagram/twitter and whatever other social platforms there are even though they hardly know each other and were never close. They make small talk here and there

Meanwhile, I just deleted and blocked every and anything that has to do with her. Maybe I'm over thinking it but are these "invisible footprints" she left behind sort of a one foot in the door for a possible r/s? Any opinion would be appreciated.

Hi Iamdizzy!

I know you're still healing, and this may be hard, however, do you think you could put the kabash on wondering why she does anything, and just focus on you. Decide what you want for your future, how you're going to spend the day, where you're going to vacation this year. Let this play out however it's going to play out, and work on yourself in the meantime. If you are open to reconciliation, that's a personal decision, and that's alright. I just wouldn't hinge all my hopes on her actions and reasoning for doing anything. You must always remember, if she's a pwBPD, her logic may not coincide with yours!

Best Wishes,

Val78

Val87, I am looking into my own behavior because its unacceptable to accept what has been done to me. I just read alot on this board that they usually initiate contact wether it be a few weeks,

Months, or years. I just, for my own sake, cannot handle any contact from her. I'm just wondering if these are possible signs... . It's not all I think about or anything I would just like to have it clear in my mind that she won't contact me again.

It would make detaching and going nc much easier without the thought of "oh crap she is liking my family members photo, why is she following them? Why is she talkin to them? Is this to contact me? I guess up I could say Its some sort of PTSD. It's not hope it's more of a total avoidance on my part

As hard as it is to accept - we cannot control other people, we can only control ourselves.

Maintain your boundaries and try to stay in the moment.  Keep in mind - you are strong - even if you don't feel like it, you are ... . you are coping - you found this board, you are learning about yourself and you will be ok even if she comes back around - it may hurt for a moment, but you are and you will be ok.

Have you read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?  These teachings can help stay in the moment.

Hang in there,

SB

Hi Iamdizzy!

I understand your desire to avoid anything that will trigger the icky feelings that can arise while you are trying to detach. Since you have done everything in your power to delete and block her in an effort to be NC, hard as it is, you will have to be at peace with the what ifs, the possibilities that something may arise that is completely out of your control.

Your efforts will be best used to get yourself healthy and strong. If at some point in the future, she does reach out, you may be in a better emotional place to handle it. Only time will tell, for all of us how those things will play out. To worry about things that have not yet happened is not conducive to healing. We are better served by staying in the present moment, and that takes practice! Give yourself time. It's all part of healing!

Best Wishes,

Val78

Val I want to thank you for replying. I hope I do reach a good place in all aspects of my journey to be able to withstand a possible contact from her.