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During my holidays, I spent allot of time with my dBPDh, he was in a good place so it was fun.

We didn't get to do much since he was in so much pain from his double hernia, but his mood was good. We did however spend allot of time in and out of appointments of all sorts. One of them gave him good news and me horrible news.

If some of you remember, my husband was diagnosed with cirrhosis last summer and having cancer cells in his stomach. Well, the cirrhosis has progressed ALLOT. I knew something wasn't right with his stomach and the surroundings because he gained tons of weight (almost 20lbs in less than 2 weeks) and it's all in his stomach area.

We talked about allot of his options and he told me that he has one option... . die. He's refusing all treatments, all his will accept is monitoring and things to keep him comfortable. He said that life has won, he was waving the white flag. There was nothing left for him, he has had everything he ever wanted by having me in his life, and he knows I will stand by his side till the end... . that's what soul mates do. He will not try to fight to extend his life, it would be doing it for all the wrong reasons... . this is what he's wanted since he was 12.

His T told him the other day that she's known for months now that he had given up the fight, that he was rolling with the punches, he was taking his meds for the comfort, going to his appointments out of habit, etc. but if life punched him hard enough to fall, he wouldn't get up. He would lie there until it's over. He asked her how she knew. She repeated all his key words in the last few months and then told him all the words he had said that day to confirm this to her. She asked if he still wanted to continue, he said yes, it will help him know how to talk to me about all of this.

Part of me is being supportive of him and his wants and needs, but the fighter part of me wants to knock him out, get him the treatment he needs and keep him in a coma or something until he is better. Then my mind tells my heart that this is his fight to fight and he chose not to, so my job is to be there for him, to support him and to remind him that I love him everyday. :'(

Sorry to hear about the bad news.

Your H gets to "call the shots" on this one.  Do you have any children?  Grandchldren?  How long have you been married?

If you have kids, grandkids, maybe the desire to see them grow up may make some difference.

If he were to get treatment, what would it be?  How painful and long?  And what would his chances be?   

What is his prognosis w/o treatment? 

{{{ hugs }}}

 Thank you for your kind words SadWifeofBPD,

I would be happy to respond to your questions.

Do you have any children? 

          No we don't.

How long have you been married?

          We've been married 11 years but together for 19.

If he were to get treatment, what would it be?

          He would have dialysis, possibly transplant. Also some additional medications.

How painful and long? 

           I'm not sure about the pain but it would be long and time consuming, as for the transplant, he     

            would be at the bottom of the list since it's due to alcoholism

And what would his chances be?   

           He would have to stop drinking again, with the transplant he chances would be pretty good to

            100%.

What is his prognosis w/o treatment?

            A couple of months to a year. I should know more when we meet our doctor on the 26th.

You mention that he's on the bottom of the transplant list due to alcholism... . hmmm.

If I were a betting person, I would bet that he knows that his chances to get one are low, so he doesn't want "the system" to reject him, so he's rejecting THEM first (power). 

I could see my H doing that (also an alcoholic).  If he were in need of a transplant, if he knew everyone else would get one before him, he'd probably "take control" and not put himself on the list. 

I'm thinking of the student who's always chosen last for sports teams.  If given a choice, they'd skip PE. 

Prayers.