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This morning I was listening to an interview with a young man who had grown up in the presence of domestic violence and was now, through his music working to raise awareness.  He was asked if there was one piece advice he would like to pass on and that is what he said - LET NOT THE CONDITION SHAPE YOUR LIFE.  Wow - that really resonates with me ... . and I thought I must share it with you guys,  It is glaringly obvious when we think about it but I wonder how many of us have shaped our lives around the demands of the BPD - danced to their tune!

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Yes... . hands up! two upwBPD and one narcissist.

Me: I don't think the word 'nice' cuts it... .   :)

Thanks for sharing this zone out!

LET NOT THE CONDITION SHAPE YOUR LIFE... . This truly is great advice for people dealing with (u)BPD loved ones. In my case being raised by an uBPD mother not only shaped my life but also my whole identity. I'm 32 now and for the first time in my life I feel like I can finally start to be my own person and explore who I really am. My mother tried to completely define who I was and for many years succeeded but I've learned and am still learning to set boundaries now. It's such a strange and almost surreal experience realizing that your whole identity has been defined by someone else. I feel liberated now because I'm no longer under her mind control but I also sometimes wonder who am I really? I've been under her BPD spell since I was a little kid and never before really got the chance to develop a true sense of self and identity... . until now that is :)

I think Kwamina that they shape our lives in so many ways.  The smothering and enmeshing affects the natural development of our personalities when we are young and as adults many of us have to deal with the fallout from out childhood experiences.  For the duration of our relationship with the BPD our potential is limited by the time taken up by their demands and attention seeking behaviour. 'Headspace' for want of a better word is one factor that on reflection really bugs me... . the sheer amount of time I have spent getting my head around and trying to pick myself up from mother's episodes, worrying about what is likely to trigger the next one etc etc etc

I think if you have gotten into the custom of allowing your life to revolve around someone else, you can not truly be your own person.  I am directing that last comment to myself deliberately ... . bit by bit I am trying to empower myself to take some control of this situation but it is hard to break the habits of a lifetime.

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