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So... . I have bought my husband an iPad.  He takes photos and has mentioned it may be appropriate for him to have one to showcase his portfolio.

Will probably get it next Monday and will give it to him.

Meanwhile, even though I'm hoping he will be happy to have this gift and will at least appreciate it (not appreciate ME, but just the iPad  lol), I have to prepare myself that he probably won't be.  I need to prepare myself for possible disappointment. 

I will update next week on how he reacted.  Any tips for the time being on how to reduce own expectation?

Update: iPad presented.  H was surprised, I think he kinda likes it, thanked me, says he likes it.  Then a bit afterwards he got frustrated because he doesn't really know how to use it.  Complained a bit about how he has to learn it all over again now.  I said we can both learn something new together (i.e. doing photo stuff on iPad).

This morning when he woke up he said, it's possibly good you got my the iPad, otherwise I will never learn how to use it.

hi chosen ~ just curious if you got any tips... . or if you were able to reduce your expectations and if so, how?

i think i have a big problem with high expectations... .

icu2

have lots of other friends who appreciate and value you for who you are.  Friends that know your situation and support you and your decision to stay.  That way you have less need for validation from your partner. 

As far as gifts, I've learned it's hit or miss.  I buy a gift and if he doesn't like it I made all the best efforts to find him something I thought he would like. 

Of course we buy things/ do things for our pwBPD hoping that they will enjoy whatever that is.

I usually don't try to make it that big of a deal, otherwise when they don't share the same happiness I may get upset.  Obviously it still hurts when they don't like it all that much, or when they complain about the gift.  However, I can deal with them not being all that excited, but still can't accept being scolded for something (maybe not related to the gift, but in a pwBPD's mind they won't not make a fuss of "problems" just because you've just been nice to them).

I keep on telling myself, I give something because it's an act of goodwill.  I cannot control his reactions.  I even had the guy at the Apple Store trying to convince me that if I buy somebody an iPad, they will likely just be really happy about it.  I don't think he has lived with a pwBPD before  lol

I also agree with eeyore that you will need other people to validate your actions, whether it's the Apple Store person or a friend.  You will also need to validate yourself.