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At the moment I feel like a success story.

Update: the kids and I moved interstate, he came with us. I'm now in control of my life, I have very strong boundaries and he dare not cross them. After moving away from all the bad influences my so BPD is off the street drugs, (broken a 20yr habbit). He watches the kids (and I does it well) while I work... The anger, the violence, the rages, the irrational behaviour, the idiot mates, all gone! The biggest change was that he now respects me in everyway!  Because I'm the strongest person he's every met, because I'm still here. Everyone has always give up. All I did was focus on Me, and my kids and where I want to go in life! And I he behaves he gets to share that with us. He is still lost and doesn't know where he is going in life. (Mild depression, lack of work) but I don't let it get to me. He will work it out for himself.

But... . As of late I'm starting to worry about his lack of maturity and where it will take us in years to come. We are maturing at different speeds... . do BPD's ever 'grow up'?

 |iiii

Good on you, much the same here

The BPD is still there, and there is a lot of self destructive behavior and neediness. But the anger, conflict and projection of issues onto me and kids has virtually evaporated.

It can still be frustrating to watch but its not dragging me down with it the same.

There is genuine desire to get off and stay off alcohol/over meds etc, even if she is not always doing a good job the desire is genuine, it is more a case of ability to do the right thing rather than denial of what is right.

Do they "grow up? I was pondering this the other day. Even if all BPD symptoms suddenly evaporated tomorrow, you would be left with someone who has not had a lifetime of "normal" (my partner is 50). As we are the summation of a lifetime of experiences, they suddenly cant develop 50 years of experiencing "normal" so I guess they will always be behind the 8 ball, even if symptom free. As most are just better managed rather than symptom free I guess we have to simply accept this. Keep in mind that our radar for dysfunctionality is a lot more alert now. So I guess we just have to cut some slack and learn to be happy in what may still be a degree of dysfunctionality.

I sometimes think many nons get trapped in chasing the ideal of a "normal" partner. The person we first met was not "normal" so if you could iron out the disorder completely you would end up with a different person. The White would go along with the Black, and you could end up with a Grey, and you may find that dull. It was one side of the disorder that attracted us in the first place.

I also think that being forced to learn how to cope with a pwBPD this forces us to mature a bit faster. I know over the last 2 years I have become a lot wiser and more capable than I ever was, as we are first to self examine ourselves in a way we never otherwise would

I hear you. I wonder that too. I guess like all relationships we can outgrow each other, it is perhaps just more pronounced in a BPD relationship?

It's so great to hear that things have improved to such an extent. Who knows what the future holds, it certainly sounds like you are walking the right path for yourself and your family though!

Love Blazing Star

Sounds like a success story indeed - feel proud about the great work to improve your situation! 

|iiii

Will they ever catch up with emotional development.  I suppose each individual is different, but my response is: its unlikely.  As stated, even if they started today, there is a lifetime of catching up to do.

But maybe its more about certain elements, instead of the whole package.  There may be certain aspects that are critical to you, and if those were developed then the remaining shortcomings would be manageable.  (we all have shortcomings)