BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone! Braveheart768 here! 45 year old co-dependent male who's doing everything in his power to lose his co-dependency title AND further get over my ordeal.  

Been dealing with the fallout from an ex girlfriend with BPD. The relationship was over in April but I believe, knowing what know now, it was over months before that. As of last week, it feels like it's FINALLY beginning to leave my system. It's been an extremely, extremely difficult Spring and Summer. We did not date but a few months and what has had my mind boggled was how it's taken me so long to let go. This was NOT a normal, traditional relationship (if it was, I wouldn't be here with you all lol) and if it was, it would never have taken this long.

I've spent much of my time reading links and books about people with BPD, the characteristics, the fallout from relationships, the obsessiveness, the over analyzing, the 'What Ifs', the  implementation of No Contact, finding your identity again, forgiveness and moving forward with the necessary tools to make sure I NEVER AGAIN put myself in a position where I'm over extending myself for someone like this.

I can tell you, as I'm sure ALL members have told the newbies... . there is life and hope after a the fallout from a borderline. It's grueling, exhausting and confusing at times and you just wish it would all stop. We all wish it was that easy. It's a journey of finding yourself again and making yourself a better person. It CAN be done. It WILL be done, too. Patience is the only thing you'll hate about this ordeal but you have to embrace it.

I'm glad to be a part of this group and am looking forward to sharing my situation and perhaps lending my ears and shoulders to anyone who needs the support as I'm sure most, if not all, of you will do the same for me. Remember: tomorrow is another step forward to freedom.

I hear ya on that "lose the co-dependency title"! I'm still working my way out of keeping that one, but I've found a LOT of practical information here on bpdfamily.

I see you already found your way to the board I would have suggested (had you not beat me to it lol ) the Leaving board. There are senior members there who have lots of knowledge and experience and will be great to bounce thoughts off of as you work through the detaching from the relationship (aka "AND further get over my ordeal." )

Like you I hit a point of understanding what I was up against, though i'm still in my marriage of nearly 37 years. Figuring out how I contribute to the problems has been humbling but certainly worthwhile, as it's helped me to change the only person I can: ME. And as you find the answers to "how did I get into this situation and how do I keep from ever being here AGAIN" you'll be making smart changes for your future. And you're young, to me anyway, i'm a month away from 60. How did that happen?  

This is a great one, even though i'm on the Staying board I found some really interesting info here:

Ten Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck - Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf)

i'm so glad you are at the point of realizing "there is life and a hope after the fallout from a borderline"-- It took me some time to just get past feeling sorry for myself and wondering how I got here.  

i'm really happy you're here, and welcome again! Keep working on yourself, you will be that "better you" where you "find yourself again" as you so wisely said.

It's always worth looking at the links in the right hand sidebar of the board where you land--it has great info for that particular set of needs.

Enjoy the road trip, for here lies the way to mental health! Hope to see you around.  |iiii

Elpis

I'm glad to read you are moving away from the pain. The BPD stuff really catches people off guard. You are going about your life and them BAM.

I'm 42 and I don't have much more tolerance for breakups. My heart can't take it. I remember going through my 20s and 30s being independent, totally in control and recovering pretty well from failed relationships. They were usually healthy partnerships and the timing wasn't right or the r/s ran its course. But my last two back-to-back breakups damn near ruined me. The most recent being with the pwBPD two months ago. And before I met him, I vowed to only expose myself to only good, healthy people.

But dear lord I never would have predicted that after two years single, having healed the wounds from a difficult breakup, that I would crash into an alcoholic uBPD guy. Wow.

I have come to notice since the BPD r/s that I was weak when I met him and I had some pre-existing issues with longing for companionship and security that I didn't realize were that strong. I thought he was the answer and I went all-in.