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Ok, so it finished with the ex when i found out he was seeing someone else 2 weeks ago, despite still sending me messages declaring undying love for me. We had had a few weeks apart while he was sorting himself out so by now i had come out of the fog a little and was seeing things clearer. I wanted my stuff back and it was agreed we would swap. This still hasnt happened despite promises. I have since spoken to the new gf (think they broken up now she knows the real truth about him) I have found out from her they met online so he had already been on a dating website prior to them meeting so i had been lied to again there as he said they met on a night out and it just happened, ok no surprise with the lie but it hurts (his pic on there was even taken in my house!)

So anyway, he hasnt blocked me on whats app so i can see when hes online, he told the new gf he had blocked me because i was mad, i desperately still want him (i do not still want him) I still love him ( i dont love HIM i still love the fake guy i met but we all know they arent real)

My question is why hasnt he blocked me if he says he has? He obv has another girl already lined up as the gf even asked if knew someone called Amy (he told her it was an old friend who is married with kids) well he never had an Amy in his phone when i was with him so hes already doing the same old lies. Im wondering if hes keeping me there so he could possibly do a recycle if things dont work out for him. There is no way i would do this but want to be prepared incase. Door locks changed and all sorted :)

Don't waste time trying to work him out. Your 'ordered' logic is no match for his 'disordered' logic.

Don't bother about what he's told new gf, that's between her & him. Just block him yourself & get on with healing without the nonsense of his crap.

Does he have a lot of your stuff?  Is any of it expensive, important, or irreplacable?  If you're willing to cut your losses and stop asking for your stuff back (and block him before he blocks you) you'll be better off.  Most of our exes kept tons of our stuff. Mine just made a big deal out of picking up some things she left at my house, and when I boxed everything up and left it on the porch she was supposed to drop off all the things of mine she'd "borrowed" over the course of our relationship.  She came by to get her stuff after rescheduling several times, but didn't leave any of my stuff or give any explanation as to why she hadn't dropped it off as promised. 

I went over the situation in my head, tried to take a mental inventory of all the things she still had that belonged to me, and decided that cutting ties was more important to me than some material possessions.  She's trying to keep a line open so she can have an excuse to contact me when she "finds" some of my things later on.  That's probably the same reason why yours is putting off the exchange of personal belongings.  He's triangulating (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0) in case things don't work out with the new girl.  So long as he has something you want, he feels like he has power.  He has an excuse to make contact without admitting he just wants a reason to talk to you. 

People with BPD lie.  They don't love the way we love.  If you have things that you absolutely need to get back from him then do what you have to do in order to get it back.  Seriously consider just letting go of the material stuff if you can though.  Don't worry about him not blocking you.  Just block him and be done with it.  He lied about it because lying is the default response for most people with BPD.  I can't even count how many lies mine told that left me more confused than hurt when I found out, because they were such stupid things to lie about.   You already ended things, you're coming out of the FOG, you recognize that the person you loved was an illusion.  Don't let him suck you back in for a recycle. 

imj72, you sound like you are in a decently good headspace right now. You realize your ex isn't the person you fell in love with, and you are in the process of letting that go. That is hard for everybody ending any serious relationship, so please consider what causticdork advised above. Be good to yourself and do what YOU need to do. What your ex is thinking or doing is no longer any of your business, right?

I do feel in a much better place than i did a week ago. I think because i had a feww weeks without him here before i found out about the new gf i had already had time to clear some of the fog. I wont lie i cried for days but think that was just a natural reaction no matter what type of relationship. Some of the items are expensive so i would of iked them back but can see what youre saying so think its time i really put the health and safety of me first. Im eating again, im sleeping (some) again, im making up with old lost friends and moving forward, i have to make myself but im doing it :)  I think finding out the fact he had lied about stuff i really thought he hadnt has helped, i can now only see him for what he is and not what i wanted him to be (as in the guy i first met). Now though its easier to see how hes still trying to play mind games with me, a week ago i would of crumbled and been a mess, now i feel stronger, someone did say at around 8 weeks i would feel bit better and here it is nearly 2 months so its working. I have actually sought police advice as my daughter and I often hear noises outside or what sounds like the door being tried etc... . so for peace of mind they have put some sort of flag on my telephone number that if we really are scared and call they will instantly be out. Dont like to think we will need it but knowing they are there to support me feels like i can cope with any messages he sends me and i also know then i cant reply as the police are involved at some level. Kind of keeps me in check. Thanks for replies, it does help to get other peoples perspective as i know im not completely out the woods yet with my emotions but im proud of myself, first time in a long time

imj72, I wouldn't put too much stock into why he hasn't blocked you (easier said than done, I realize).

Right before I blocked my ex on Facebook, I noticed she had a picture of us kissing on her page in the October/November/December 2012 part of her timeline. There were other things on there, too, from January 2013. I figured she'd have deleted anything pertaining to me the second I started spewing my venom at her once I realized I was being played. It was a really, really bizarre situation and I went so far as to ask close friends what their thoughts were about her leaving the pics, posts and comments on her page. Some were just as confused as me, some thought she didn't remember them being there, some said maybe she was trying to show people she had a boyfriend at one time. My mindset was if she hated me as bad as she said she does and said and did to me what she said and did to me, she'd want NO reminders of me. I took down everything she posted and put up. I wanted NO reminders whatsoever of her. I have enough of them in my head that I haven't gotten rid of yet.

Now, I don't know currently what she has on there and I'm not going to unblock her to find out. I'm resisting the urge to see what pics she's added and and deleted anything attached to me i.e. photos, comments, posts, etc. I'm trying to heal and don't want to worry about what she's doing. I'm trying to focus on the here and now and work on myself. It's tough but with repetition comes habit.

I keep reminding myself that someone better is in my future and I need to be aware of that. There is a better man out there for you, too, and you're here to share stories with others as we are with you. This is where we'll find and utilize the tools to to keep us aware of BPD'ers who pop up on our radar.

Just keep focusing on yourself. You may need to develop new routines to keep your mind off things but take it day by day. You'll be fine. Please let us know how you're doing, okay?

Imj, I'm so sorry

I can't speak for your ex, but in my experience, my BPD relationship was all about power. My ex wanted power over me, and to get this power she used everything from playing a victim to suicide threats. Knowing someone checks your social profile gives pwBPD power over us because they can use it to hurt us and manipulate us.

My ex knew I would check her social profiles, and she would post things to hurt me. One time I told her that it hurts me but I couldn't stop checking, so I asked her to block me. She refused, so obviously, she wants to use it to hurt me.