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Sorry that I have been so absent of late here on the Supporting Board.  We got the very sad news that my husband has stage 4 cancer.  He has not yet decided if he will take treatment or just live it out.  Dd16 has moments of deep sorrow and has developed a blocked colon since we got this bad news.  Is it stress or just her poor diet... . not sure.

I haven't had much time to discuss with her how she feels or what she thinks as I have been out of town for a while and just came back.  We see another oncologist on Thursday and will know more about the course of treatment.  At that time I will talk with her at length about what the future may look like and how we can get through this together.

lbj

You know what, this sucks and you do not not deserve to go through this ordeal!

This must be very painful for you all and I wish peace and healing for you all.

So sorry to hear this news lbj.

I wish you all the strenghth each day to get through this.  

keeping you in my thoughts,

jsf

Hi lbj

so very sorry to hear about this!   

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Hi lbj:  I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.  I will be thinking about you and saying prayers.

Griz

You have helped us all so much, dear lbj.  I wish there were some way to send you strength as you face this difficult time with your dear family.  Please know that you, your dh and your dd will be in my thoughts and prayers.       Swampped

lbj,

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. We are definitely here for you on the boards as you need us.

    mamachelle

Oh Wow!  I am so sorry for you all.  I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts!

I am so sorry to hear this, lbjnltx... .  

I will keep you all in my prayers; especially your daughter... . I can't imagine how hard this must be for such a young girl to deal with. And you, too... . And your husband... . I wish all of you all the best   

Thank you dear friends for your kind words.

My husband will begin chemo treatment, both oral and IV, around the 27th of August. 

My dd16 continues to have problems with her stomach and her chart has been sent to a GI in a nearby city. 

We spoke briefly about the immediate future and I expressed to her the need for all of us to take a step back and re prioritize.  She agreed that her Dad's health will need to be the family's first priority and the next words out of her mouth were that "if we move A is coming with us" (A is her 18 yr. old boyfriend).  I stopped driving and turned to her and told her to "stop".  That she is not the one to dictate such things and she is not thinking about what is best for her Dad.  I expressed to her that we will do everything we can to keep her in her current school and attempt to keep as much of our lives "normal" as possible.  I told her that I know this is not fair to you and that you are a teenager and focusing outside of self is difficult, that cancer is not fair to anyone, and that we must support the best decisions for her Dad's care.  She was upset for being called out on her behavior and told me she wanted to stay overnight at a friends to avoid being with me.  I told her "no" you will come home this evening and we will work together as a family.  When I picked her up 4 hours later she was fine.

Will update as I have more news.

Thanks for reading

lbjnltx

lbj,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.  That is a lot to take in.  Will  keep your dh, you and dd in my prayers.  


 

peaceplease

lbj -   

Life feels so very unfair. My prayers are with you and your family.

Such a awesome mom you are - so strong and solid in setting out the boundaries with DD. I was just thinking of her this morning, wondering about how she is feeling toward start of new school year. Is she a junior this year? This is such a hard time to face any kind of change in routine - then to have one that threatens so much more. Holding stress and pain in the guts - me too. I hope they can resolve this quickly and effectively for her.

How are you holding up with all this? Being such a strong woman remember you need comfort too. Can you add an extra measure for self-care right now? Step back from any tasks that can be delegated or put on pause?

Thanks for keeping us updated.

qcr   

I so wished we were all there to help you and your family.

Words right now are at a loss. I turn to God in prayer. He knows what is needed.

Joshua 1:9

Ahhhhh, lbj,

Thinking of you and your family.

I got a lump in my throat (and semi-chuckled) reading about your daughter's concern about her boyfriend.

I haven't lived in Texas for awhile, but I believe we call




a "Let's get right down to it" moment.

My nonDD, shortly after her Dad's diagnoses, asked if her boyfriend, who was having trouble with his family, could come and live with us.

I didn't give her much validation, as I recall. In my panic over her Dad, I told her she must be out of her mind to ask that period, much less to ask it of me with everything that was going on during that time. She got it, she gets it. And she looks back in wonder and humor at how impossible she could be as a teenager.

It sounds like your daughter got it and gets it too. And that is great news.

If you feel comfortable with your husband's treatment nurses, try to take advantage of that time when you know he is in capable hands to do something nice for yourself. Something you can immerse yourself in... .

and do deep breathing whenever you can.

 

Thursday

Oh lbj,   

I can't even imagine... . This has to be devastating news to all of you.   

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers... .

This kind of situation has the potential to derail ANY teenager, as they are so vulnerable at their age.

Hope she gets better physically soon.

I was a bit surprised at your directness with her, but I do agree with your handling it.

You know your girl, and the balance between compassion and firmness is SO important during the teenage years.

Take good care of yourself and let us know how things are going if/when you feel up for it.   

Hi lbj,

I am sending you all best wishes, you are all in my prayers.

Green leafy vegetables in the diet and exercise can be a great aid to blocked colons. Anxiety is the quickest thing to block me up.


Vivek      

d16 continues to cope well with the situation.  She is slowly absorbing and accepting that her dad is very ill and there will be difficult times ahead.  She understands that he may continue to decline in  health and succumb to this illness. 

We received more devastating news last night that changes the course of treatment.  PET scans and MRI show that there is cancer in my husbands' brain and bones... . not sure yet how extensive.  Chemo has been postponed and he will undergo 10 rounds of radiation asap.  Until we have had a chance to talk to the treatment team in person and get a new prognosis we will not share this information with d16.

She starts school on Monday, her junior year.  I will most likely be absent for most of her first and second week and have to rely on family and friends to look after her.

I'm so sorry to hear this, lbj... . I wish you all well, and will keep your family in my prayers. I think you're doing the right thing with your daughter; this will be a hard year for her. And all of you. I'm really sorry   

lbj -   

What devastating news. I am so very sorry you all have to go through this. Will continue keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

qcr  

Dear lbj   ,

I am saddened to hear of the latest diagnosis and the postponement of chemo for radio therapy. You must feel very vulnerable now, please take care of yourself.

Cheers,

Vivek    

lbj,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It is quite a blow to find out that cancer is so far advanced and leaving you with extremely limited options.

I know this can really drain you.   I am glad that you have help with dd.

Hugs, hugs, hugs to you.  

You and family are in my prayers.

 

peaceplease

Dear lbj

how my heart aches to read your posts... . I am so sorry... . I can't imagine what you are all going through... . I am sorry I have been away from the boards and just saw this today... . I will have you in my prayers... .  

So sorry to hear this latest news.  This will be a most difficult time for both you and your DD.  Try to take care of yourself also.  I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Griz   

Hello dear friends  

We are currently on round 4 of 10 of radiation treatment on my dh's brain.  He is scheduled to start chemo on Sept. 17.

Dd16 is doing ok.  She continues to have problems with her stomach... . both upper and lower and is holding her own. 

We were together the past 3 day weekend (without her Dad who stayed in the city w/stepd24).  Dd16 is missing him terribly though.  The preliminary plan is for him to come home with me to the ranch this weekend.

Dd16 has much to focus on... . school, 1 year anniversary with A... . her boyfriend, and going to church on Wed. nites.

She and I have talked about the situation and all the unknowns.  She is angry at God and doesn't have the ability to understand how He can allow her daddy to go through this.  I encouraged her to draw closer to Him and not pull away as she would be "cutting herself off at the knees and missing the best source of support and love available to her".  She is  no different than any teen would be in this position and I lean on the leadership of our church to help her find peace with God and extended support through our church family.

Continued prayers are appreciated and dh can feel their healing power.

 

lbj

    Thanks for the update. Prayers for God's healing power in all your lives.

qcr  

So much to deal with... . you are a role model for us all... . prayers for your family... .

thanks lbj for keeping us up to date. I still have you and your family in my heart warm and cosy.   

Vivek    

Thank you so much lbj for sharing all the news and for finding time to post here during such a trying time for your family.  

Your dd is in such a vulnerable age. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her to grapple with such 'adult' questions... .'how can God love and still allow her dad to be so ill'; 'how can she be angry at Him and He continue to love her'... .

I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. May His tender mercies enwrap your family, give you strength, and keep you close to Him and each other... .   

Hello dear friends,

It has been a long while since I posted about this situation.  Our days have been filled with doctor and treatment appointments and caring for my dh.  Balancing his care with my d17's needs has been a challenge and we made it through.  d17 didn't always make the best choices... .missing school unnecessarily, getting into a bit of minor trouble here and there.  I had a meeting with the school counselor to find ways to reduce the stress level she lives with daily.  Some accommodations were made (putting her in less academically demanding courses) and putting into place a plan to move to the Learning Center (work at your own pace 1/2 day graduation program) the first of the year.

I am so  sad to tell you all that her daddy lost his battle with cancer on Sunday.  My d17 is coping well and talking to her family and friends about her great sense of loss.  We are all staying close to each other and sharing our pain to ease the burden on our hearts.

Hope filled prayers for my d17 are appreciated and God will honor them mercifully.

lbj

LBJ

I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your dh.  I wish you are your family healing and peace.  It sounds like you are doing everything possible to support your dd at this trying time.  Sending you strength for the coming days

6

I'm so sorry for all the pain your family is going through, lbjntlx 

I hope that your daughter is able to deal with it all in a healthy way, and no doubt your strength and faith will help both of you to do that.

Please know that we are all sad for you, rooting for you, and keeping you both in our prayers... .

  Rapt Reader

Dear lbj

How I wish I could find the words to comfort you like you have found for me. My heart hurts for your family and I am sad to hear your news. I will keep you and your dd in my prayers. I can't imagine how this has impacted you both. I hope your dd is able to cope at the learning center. I hope you have a good thanksgiving and are surrounded by family and friends. Hugs to you.

Dear lbj,  So sorry for your loss , this all seems too much for anyone to handle my prayers and condolences are with you and your family take it one day at a time and know all of us here are sending you many hugs and prayers mggt

Iam so sorry to hear this sad news Lbj.

I hope in time that the anger your dd has in her right now, will in time be filled with happy memories of your dh who you all loved so much. It is all very early days.

Sending you all strength, and peace and love,

jsf

LBJ,

I'm so sorry!  Please know my thoughts are with you and your dd.

I am so sorry to hear this sad news, lbj.  Prayers for peace and acceptance for you, your dd and the entire family.  Please take care of yourself during this very difficult time.      Swampped

I am deeply saddened to read that this has happened ibj! I wish you and dd all the strength in the world!

So so sorry for your loss!   

Dear lbj, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. 

It is amazing to hear that your dd is coping well. I am sure there are some rough days ahead, and I know you are the best mom she can wish for. Take good care of yourself - for you and for her, ok?

 PessiO

I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter will come through this. Prayers your way.

lbj

How are you doing with this loss? Your love and compassion for D17 is great, and there are many there to support her. So glad the school is able to make these accomadations. You are all in my daily prayers always. Be kind to yourself.

Peace and joy for you all in this time of great loss.

qcr

lbj,

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your husband.     Your family is in my prayers. 

May God bless you and your dd during this difficult time.   


peaceplease

 dearest lbjnltx-

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am so very sorry for your DD's loss. My daughter was the same age, 17, when my first husband died.

You have unique strengths. However, don't try to do everything yourself and don't make the mistake I made of thinking that I was strong enough to breeze through my grief. Loss of a spouse is an exceptionally difficult situation to work through. PLEASE, when you find yourself in a low place (you will) seek help. I know of a wonderful website for young widows with a bulletin board like this one. I got through some very dark days by finding connection with other widows. I am sending you a PM for the site.

Even though, as a spouse, when there is a diagnoses of cancer we might forward our thoughts to "what if" there is truly no way to prepare for the way we feel when we experience the loss of our beloved... .I recall feeling very lost and at times so completely overwhelmed.

My nondd didn't have the added complication of mental health issues to confound her  grief and still, her life was so broken when her Dad died. My grief, her grief... .how we got through it still seems mysterious and so very hard.

Many times I felt myself unable to think, confused, overwhelmed. The gambit of emotion is hard to describe. I found it surprising and unexpected.

Please remember that I'm a message away.

Your friend,

thursday

lbj,

You and your D and family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you will find the strength and hope you've given so many of us here coming back to you tenfold as you and your D go forward. 


mamachelle

I am so sorry for your loss.  Please know that my prayers support you and your DD at this very difficult and stressful time. 

So sorry for your loss. Take care, friend.