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Has anyone who has been with their SO long term been diagnosed ( self or by an MD ) with a chronic illness? Such as low back pain, depression, flu like symptoms, cancers. I was just curious. I have been married to my uBPDh for 35 years and 3 years ago was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia. A friend who deals with similar issue with SO has just been through a battle with colon cancer. Got me to thinking how many others are there ou there who can relate to this particular nuance of the fallout from this disorder?

I think the key here isn't necessarily the BPD, but rather living with anyone with a mental illness.  Living with mental illness causes a lot of stress, (which in turn can lead to chronic health issues)  the trick is to learn to take time for you in the relationship.  It took me years to figure that out, and my body is thanking me for it.  (It's taken a side turn lately, but I'm hopeful that'll get sorted out. that's actually why i'm back after a long sabbatical)

I havn't heard much to this effect but I do admit I wouldn't be surprised if it is true to a degree. I fully to not expect to live a full healthy life. I think I will proably have soem sort of heart or blood pressue related issues.  My BP is on the high end of normal for all my life. I have been put on cholesteral meds (supposedly due to family history), my triglisoids have been at level 1500... 200 is high.  I have had shingles when I was 28. I have some sort of itch skin rash type spots on my head that I am concernd might be some type of skin cancer.  Oh and I'm only 34.

I can't prove none of this would be different with out a BPD spouse. But seems like a lot a  stuff to deal with at a young age.

Let's see, what have I gotten from being around disordered people? PTSD for one - I've had that for years thanks to my mother.  Then I married a narcissist and developed chronic health problems related to a poorly functioning immune system, chronic back and neck pain, debilitating depression, and anxiety with panic attacks.

I am fairly new to all of this, and was definitely not taking care of myself.  It seems that self-care, and probably some sort of emotional detachment would be key to protecting ourselves from health problems while living in situations like these.

No truer words have i heard today.

When I was in my r/s I had health-issues, that were stress-related. I tried to solve them by arranging things at work.

Looking back it's clear where they came from.

I definitely have depression and anxiety, I am just now trying to get treatment for it. It's been getting worse too, I just want to sleep a lot of the time, and I don't feel like doing anything. However I seem to be healthy otherwise which is a good thing, I don't think I could feel bad and have to live with my husband. Heck when I do feel bad I think he makes it a point to make me even more miserable than I have to be. I can see how people would have problems with their health. I know when I am upset, not only am I stressed out to the max but I use food to comfort me and that causes health problems too.

yes, I have a BPD wife married for 29 years and I am tired all the time. Fatigued by having to use the tools every time and fighting co dopendency all the time.

I lost about 25 lbs and was skinny as a rail from nervous anxiety about 2 years in.

Not anymore.

Turned my focus to self care. Not getting sick over someone else anymore. Too risky. Won't allow that stress in my life anymore.

Oh gosh, how could I forget about this?  When I initially learned of my husband's double life, I dropped so much weight that I could hardly recognize myself.  Sorry if this is gross, but I developed anxiety to the point where I vomited everything that touched my stomach, and although my weight is back up and things don't get to me as much as they did, I still have a problem with vomiting when I'm really stressed.

Yes, I'm still learning about self care. Spent many years not taking care of myself. I'm tired of giving so much of myself and who I am or was supposed to be to this illness. Today I took the day and spent it with my daughter. We got massages, we had lunch and we lounged by a pool. My H wanted to come along, but I told him it was mother daughter time. He is so needy and with his separation anxiety he always gets angry when I leave. Or depressed. But today he kept himself busy with work. I sorta got the cold shoulder when I got home, but I'm trying not to let it bother me. I'm just glad I followed through and did something I enjoy and wanted to do. And didn't let him talk me out of it. My daughter is married and we both work and do not get to spend much time together. I also suffer from fatigue. I have enough energy to get through my shift at work and that's about it. Not sure if it is from my chronic leukemia or just having to deal with him. But thanks for all the replies. Take care all! 

I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome as a preteen. Whenever the rages started, I couldn't keep my eyes open. Sleep I think, was my only escape. After I got out of the house out of the direct line of fire, the symptoms of that went away. I was better able to cope with the indirect line of fire, I had anxiety attacks too, usually during the off raging seasons, I would get pretty sick with them, my dm referred to it as "apprehension" because I was high strung. Later they turned into full blown panic attacks, usually out of the blue when I realize things have been too quiet or I have to talk to FOO.

Being in stressful situations for a prolonged period of time can be damaging to our health.

I think, however, it's not being with a pwBPD that gets us nons into health trouble. It's rather the fact that we're not taking care of ourselves and are getting completely lost in the disorder.

I went through a period where I lost a lot of hair and had asthma attacks several times a week. Obviously not good for me. And I linked it all to my dBPDbf's behaviours and the pain it was causing me.

But actually, as I've learned how to set boundaries, validate and detach from the disorder and enmeshment, I feel much better. So it wasn't really his BPD behaviours that were stressing me out and making me ill. It was how I was dealing with them that was a the root of my health problems. We have the power to make it better!