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I blamed and spoke ill of BPD/Nxh's first wife. Everything BPD/Nxh told me was vile about her and I couldn't understand how someone could be so cruel. Even BPD/Nxh's BPD/N's mother agreed and would chime in about her experiences with the first wife and how horrible she and her family were.

Then, it happened to me.

I had to see if with my own eyes, experience it in my own marriage with BPD/Nxh for 5 years before I realised that I had become the next victim. It was a further 3 years before BPD/Nxh hit the depths of destroying me, and it was shadows darker than the first wife. I cried for the thoughts and feelings I'd had about her and her family. She must have been so scared, so alone and so hurt. BPD/Nxh told me she died of cancer and she deserved it, it was karma in his eyes.

The police confirmed that she is dead, but they told me that she didn't die from cancer and they believe that BPD/Nxh is responsible, somehow, but they can't prove it, yet.

The first girlfriend after me, hated me with a passion. She took out intervention orders against me and really believed the alleged stories of my stalking and harassing her and damaging her property. Unfortunately, she didn't know that BPD/Nxh had done those things and she trusted the very man who was attacking her and blaming it on me. I know from seeing BPD/Nxh's police record that after 2 years, she was treated in the same shocking way I was and took out intervention orders against him, and disappeared. I haven't seen or heard from her and I wonder if she felt any pity for me and our children?

Current BPD/Nxh's girlfriend hates me too. She wrote a supportive affidavit for BPD/Nxh and cited my alleged attempts to stalk, harass and damage her life. She continues to paint me black on facebook, no names of course, but calls me the wicked witch of the west and the fire breathing dragon. She said I am a vile human being for what I am doing to a loving father and keeping his children from him. She said Jesus knows the truth.

And she's right. Jesus does know the truth. One day, she will also know the truth, and I wonder how she will feel then.

Until then, I continue to feel sorry for them and wish things could be different for us all. We all got trapped by a charming BPD Narcissist who made us feel like a princess for a while... .

A lot of us are in this position.

And it isn't a very nice one.

I cling onto the thought, that:

- I know the truth.

- The people that really know me, know the truth.

- The rest doesn't matter.

Let other people speak bad about you, don't react, don't mind, don't look for information. Just let it happen. You can't do anything against it, so why bother. Just know who you are.

There are some pretty sick puppies out there.  What gain does the disordered person get from this?  Is it the sympathy attention of oh you poor thing.  So sick to hurt others for some twisted gain.  Yuck.

It is sick. They are ill.

When I see what my x has done to me, there are numerous reasons for painting black I think:

- Partly to get sympathy from others.

- Partly to explain why a r/s didn't work out, without having to take any blame for it.

- Partly to take revenge for abandoning them.

- Partly to convince themselves it's not about them.

- Partly to make sure you don't get to live a happy life without them.

You're right, sadly!

I know I fell hook, line and sinker for the story about the ex-wife before me. It made it so much easier to believe because his mother and brothers validated the story. I know now that they're most likely PD too, but at the time, I looked at them through rose colored lenses and saw a family like mine that loved each other and was trustworthy.

I imagine they lie to cover the horrible truth that they were partly responsible for how things turned out and that if anyone knew the truth, they'd be alone.

I certainly think I'd ask more questions if there was a young family involved. BPD/Nxh always keeps his gf at court in the coffee shop, but out if the courtroom. That would certainly ring alarm bells if it were me. Or is that because I'm more cynical now? Maybe when I was young and naive I would have fallen for his excuses also.

I am actually waiting for this to happen to my exuBPD/NPDw's next victim who she has been with for three years.  I think her craving for distortion and advocacy, and the leverage she can generate with the current target with PAS, keeps her "behaving."  I just wonder when the true leopard will show the spots.

Same thing for me, kormilda. I feel so disappointed about the way I thought and felt toward N/BPDx's 2nd wife, the mother of my former stepson. I believed everything N/BPDx told me -- in fact, I think it was wanting to care for him after he had been treated so badly that hooked me. I knew I would never be like that, would never do anything to hurt him, would take care of him, and love him like he had never been loved before. I wanted to rescue him and make him better. 

I no longer will trust anyone who talks about an ex like N/BPD talked about his ex wife. He spoke the same way about his mother and sister, and he is estranged from all three. He would often mock his mother's bout with cancer, and how she attempted suicide while everyone was home, ridiculing how pathetic she was, thinking anyone would care.  :'(

That was one of the things that came out in his psych eval -- that he had no sense what the emotional life of the women in his life had been, including his three wives (I didn't know until recently that I was #3).

When you think about it from the perspective of a disordered mind and heart, it is quite brilliant -- he elicits sympathy for himself and he creates an ally against you. I look back now and realize that there were big gaps in logic, though. He hated his family, but when his father died, he went back to the funeral and would not permit S12 or me to go with him. As soon as we married, he abruptly applied for another job in a different state, and wrote his family to tell them he was no longer talking to them -- allegedly because they insulted me. I never experienced an insult, just believed N/BPDx when he said they did.