|
Title: Words They Like To Hear. Post by: Willingtolearn on August 16, 2013, 07:54:40 AM Are there any? What can a Non say to a pwBPD that would make them feel more relaxed in the relationship?
Or is it a case of no matter what is said, they will always behave on the manner they do. Title: Re: Words They Like To Hear. Post by: almostez on August 16, 2013, 08:29:12 AM As far as I know there are no magic words that can be used to make a pwBPD feel better etc... . The main problem is that you can say something that would be very reassuring to a non, but the pwBPD hears something completely different. There were windows of lucidity where my BPDex and I could talk and my point would get through to her but these were rare occasions. There are methods of communications I learned in "Walking on Eggshells" and "I Hate You, Please Don't Leave me", but I think it will take a lot of trial and error to make them work for an individuals situation. I highly recommend both of these books for anyone with a pwBPD in their lives.
Title: Re: Words They Like To Hear. Post by: Notthesame64 on August 16, 2013, 08:48:55 AM A perfect example of what you are talking about is:
My BPDex who has MS (multiple Sclerosis) would self loath himself all the time... part of his depression and image of himself. He wanted love but never felt loved even though I would spend hours trying to tell him how wonderful he was, what a good person he was, and how much I loved him... pointing out all of his wonderful qualities. But, instead of seeing me, hearing the words I was saying to him... he still would sit there and say, I know you love me but who is going to love me with a disease. (looking right at me!). Damn near brought me to tears. However, in the end, he got his greatest fear to become a reality. I left and now who will love him with a disease. See how that works? mind boggling... it really is! Title: Re: Words They Like To Hear. Post by: Gaslit on August 16, 2013, 08:55:32 AM Lying through my teeth, whenever I would say, "I think you are a good person."
Boom! Super happy, no matter the reality. Says a lot I think. I really do believe that there is an awareness of their inner struggles and while it doesn't prevent them from being bad, they still like to 'think' they are good. I think 'good' is their unreachable goal, or what they want to project outwardly, and so they love to pretend they are indeed good. Facts be damned. |