BPDFamily.com

My BPDbf ended it with me.  And I (as all of you who read this board know) am a mess about it.  But I'm also worried sick about him.  He was depressed before the break up.  It seems to have gotten worse.  He's drinking a lot at home alone.  (Or at least he was up until a week ago... . last time we talked.)  He's told me he's lonely and hurting too.  I read somewhere on here that I am now part of the problem.  That his behaviors come up in close relationships.  I even told him that and he agreed it was true.  I know I can't fix it.  I know NC is the best thing for me.  And I know he's not worried about me.  I sent him a few sobbing I love you/I miss you texts just after the breakup which he called "$hitty".  But I worry about him all the time. 

i worried alot at frist about her still do some but it to hard dealing with them. us worring is what they want.

Borderlines want you to believe they cannot live with you however they are way more resourceful than they will have you think.

While you are worried about him EE, you are neglecting your needs.

He is not a lost puppy - he will find someone very quick to make himself feel good again.

I worry about mine too... especially with the drinking, etc... .

Clearmind:  I know you're right.  He wasn't in great shape when I met him.  Depressed over the previous relationship.  But oh God I just can't handle the thought of him with someone else.

I know it hurts however unfortunately this is the way the disorder rolls. Relationship hoping is very common - its a way to mask to hurt.

Borderlines don't have a sense of self - they rely on others for survival.

I think we all worry about our exes.  None of them exactly have track records of stability or good decision making.  Mine is drug addict (prescription opiates) with pretty serious depression.  When I get a text/call at 2am from her saying that she has nothing left to look forward to and she doesn't see the point of living anymore, it's hard not to worry.   It's true what they say about us being part of their problem now though. I have gone all messed up knight in shining armor so many times, but no matter what I do or how good my intentions are it always ends in yelling and tears.   

They need to be allowed to fail.   They need to be forced to pick themselves back up so that they learn that they're capable of picking themselves up.  I don't even want to talk to my ex anymore, but she called me around 3:45am last night and it took every ounce of my willpower to not pick not.  She didn't leave a message, but about twelve hours later she texted to ask if I had noticed that she'd called this morning.  I didn't respond.  She then went on to say something rude about it was great to know she could get a hold of me when there was an emergency.  If there had been a real emergency she would have left a voicemail or tried to text me this morning.  She at least would have called more than once.  The only emergency around here is that she needs validation and thinks I'm the right person to give it to her.  I hate ignoring her!  I feel like such a cold, uncaring jerk when I do that, but after dozens of attempts to stay connected and be there for her as a friend, I've finally gotten it through my thick head that keeping in contact is not helping either one of us. 

Good luck.  You can do this.  It does get easier eventually.  It still hurts, but it gets so much easier.

Yes I worry about her. She has a history of getting violent when drinking. She is drinking regularly. My replacement is a convicted felon that did prison time for a violent crime. My fear is that she will get drunk, pick a fight with him and he will hurt her.

Don't mean to hijack, but I just want to tell causticdork way to go on not giving in to her emotional manipulation bullsh!t.  I remember reading a recent thread you started and I can already tell a difference in your tone in your post on this thread.  You sound like you are coming out of the FOG; good for you!

I worry that my xuBPDw is going to get seriously harmed. She's extremely aggressive and can get physical or she's going to commit suicide. Often times she would tell me that she wanted to kill herself. I'm worried for that, but it's out of my control.