BPDFamily.com

I am really wanting to bring up all the info I have collected over the last year and a half and bring it to the old T we  had been seeing off and on for the last 8 to 10 years... . Its started as marriage counsleing turning into helping her with her fear and anxieties.  W will not be able to make this apt... thats why I an thinking obout hinting about the situation... Wife did not like my curent T as he wasn't "fixing me" to her liking. I was getting a lot of mental support I was lacking for year though.  Kind of like this place... . current T was aware of BPD and based on what I was going though thought she might have BPD or some form of it. Can't diagnose just from that but some of the traits are there he said. 

Not sure I should do this but not sure I should not either. I'm stuck. PLease any suggestions.

if you spouse isn't there, then why not ? 

I guess I don't know if it will get back to her. I kind of want her to know but not it a way it makes it seem liek all i am doing is "attacking or making stuff up". I really do care for her and want her to get soem help. She has no idea. However as of late I have notice once in a while that she is stuck in a thought where she might be thinking "why am I making such a huge deal about this"  Comments like "I know I should not feel so insecure about this but I do."  Have led me to beleive she might sense something isn't quite as it should be... . I have not seen her do this before at least not as frequently as of late... . Thgats agood thing right?

Isn't the most important thing that she learn skills and get better at coping?  Why does there have to be a label?

There doesn't have to be a label at all.  I'd prefer there not be one. I also prefere that its be  50/50  effort instead of 1/99... . I've been doing all ai can over the last year. I'm at the point where results are so few that any would be helpful aand rejuvinating.  I'd like to see some type of return on the effort I am putting in. That might seem harsh but if I am fdoing everythign I can to fight to remain positive and supportive I should expect a glimmer of a reason to make it worth the struggles. I am fighting for both of us not just myself. 

Went to see old T yesterday. I went oever all the things my uBPDw wanted me to... It went well. I wanted to bring up my thoughts of BPD but told myself only if the converstion presents itself... . It did. I was able to explain all the things I am seeing in her and what her reactions to situations have been. Because she has been our T for several years she knows my W and the struggles she has had with panic and axiety. But not everything... . I told her about the reactions and feelings that W is having to situations like the neightbors being black and she hates them for it... . Not something that she used to be so vocal about before... . how she turned down a Graduate asistantship position becasue the other student she would be workign with are "too imature to the world and stupid" Didn't even give it a chance. I told her about the constant needing of assurance that I am going to come back to her side as get up to get her a glass of water.  So things she doesn't really know about because W neve talked about them and since all the issues were my fault and all caused by me the conversations only went there... . I never corrected them so I am at fault for letting that happen liek so many other things I am now trying to regain a footing on.

ok and what was the T's response to what you told her?  How are you feeling about all of it?

Her words... . "Oh my thats not healthy".  I felt like good. Liek a weight was lifted. Like I can talk about it without hiding my feelings about it.  Now the next question will be how does T take this. As this was neve a condition that was ever discussed before. I gave enough vivid examples that I don't think T could mistake it for anything other than it is.  At this point I don't know where this will head. Another apt next week. Maybe W will go if she is available.  W might listen to T as she trusts her to this point.  She has helped her before. W asked what we talked about... . I said the stuff about the past and her difficulty with trusting me... . then I said she was concerned that you demands on me might be a little extreme...

We will see what happens from here. Sure glad I did this... at least for now I am.

Was there a reaction to this?  I would imagine it might feel to her like the two of you ganging up on her. 

There was not a reaction as this was only a small bit of the whole conversation. I explained the majority of the session was about bringing the T back up to speed on current events so there want alot of treatment talk. I was careful to not take the appraoch of gagging up on her. Thus the question of even bringing the topic up in T. I am tired of it always being my fault an knowing she is struggleing with this illness.  I just wanted a say and I wanted her to know my W was also struggling but she just doesn't know it.