BPDFamily.com

I keep reading that one of the stages of grief is anger. Yet I do not feel any anger.

My dBPDexGF and I broke up in January. She asked me for a sign that I was committing to the r/s and I said there is no such sign I can give you. So she left.

I think she was right to do so. We had been together for 1 1/2 year and I had not -- and still have not -- divorced from my wife (with whom I am still married although we live separately).

I think that 50% of the reason why I was unable to divorce is that I did not like my r/s with my dBPDexGF. I was fed up of her rages, anger, constant depression, controlling, etc.

The other 50% is me. I still cannot figure out why I cannot divorce from my wife. I used to tell my dBPDexGF that we both had some work to do, me in being less dependent from my wife and her in getting closer to me (I always felt that she was not emotionally committed in the r/s, as if there was a thin wall protecting her from intimacy).

I therefore cannot blame my dBPDexGF for leaving. I can (and do) blame myself for not having been able to commit more to the r/s when she was still there. And I blame the disease, because I know that I have issues myself and can work on it but that BPD is a mental illness and she cannot change who she is.

I feel no anger except at BPD. I am just immensly sad and feel guilty that I could not make it work. And I feel compassion for all who have this disease because their life is like hell (my BPD ex girlfriend often told me that she was feeling empty, did not know who she was and was looking forward to dying).

Hi Blaise

in my personal experience anger and sadness are nearby.

Perhaps you shifted your anger to BPD. Are you generally a bit low in your energy right now? For me it is more difficult to feel anger when I am low in my energy.

These 5 stages are not the same for everyone. I would not worry to much about it. Stick with feelings and thoughts that are there.


Good question!