BPDFamily.com

I am just 1 week out of a breakup.  I am having a hard time dealing with the pain.  I thought this was real and would be the long lasting relationship.  Little did I know that my marriage would last 2 and a half weeks.  I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I allowed him to take advantage of me, my family and my daughter.  I started researching BPD when a friend told me about it.  It is unbelievable how he fits all the characteristics.  I just don't know what to do or go from here?  I have never hurt like this and I am so angry that he has this power over me to make me feel this way.  I am a strong, kind and outgoing woman and I don't want to loose that.

hello 4x4 sorry dealing with this. i myself has many others know ur pain. how long did you know him before you got married?

has he every seen a doc for any type mental illness?

post all you can its really helps get it out

 *welcome*


You are not alone in this - there are many stories of marriages lasting a very short time.  Mine barely lasted a year and I found out after that ex was cheating by 6 months in... . the act of marriage is a very very real trigger for pwBPD. 

You don't need to feel embarrassed here.

Take good care of you now.

Peace,

SB

You have to think that you didn't suffer too much time. Some of us deal with pwBPD for years. Seek for help and legal advise.

Oh my goodness Seaside - how hard it must be for you!  I'm so sorry.    Thank God for your friend who pointed this site out to you.  I stumbled upon BPD when I was trying to search bipolar disorder.  Eye opening for sure.  Explains a lot of things.  The more you read the more and more you will see the red flags all over the place that were there.

I know it's tough.  Especially I'm sure for you.  I was married 4 1/2 years.  I knew my exH (just finalized the divorce last Friday) for about 10 years.  Dated him earlier on when I met him - right after his 1st divorce.  I saw all kinds of crazy signs, but I believed she was this horrible woman to him as he described and felt so sorry for him because he seemed so awesome, and GQ in the looks department, I thought - WOW, icing all over this cake!  Anyway - he acted all crazy and discarded me the first time we dated.  I chalked all that crappiness up to his recent divorce and he was in a very bad (and SELFISH) place.  SHOULDN'T HAVE.

We worked together for a few years while dating other people.  Then the timing was right and we were both single and got together again.  I had never been married and don't believe in divorce.  When I go back and read my journals I saw that he was threatening to divorce me within the first few months of marriage!  The verbal abuse, breaking my things, spit in my face during an argument (once, but that was enough), extreme depression and threats of suicide, blaming me, threatening to just quit (we started a business when got married and used my credit to finance it so I would have been in real trouble) all started within the first few months. 

Needless to say - I was overwhelmed, started having panic attacks, did everything possible to hold my family together (sad when as a woman you are holding the family together and trying to keep your man from falling apart all the while he could drop you and leave you in a deep dark hole without a blink of an eye), worked ungodly hard to keep the business afloat - AND became the sole support emotionally for his daughter that came to live with us.  I think the ONLY reason he DIDN'T just walk out and leave me hanging is because he needed me with the new business and to help with his daughter.

I did the same thing regarding turning my life upside down - quit my job, went into debt and started a business, took on raising his daughter she moved in with us from 5 hours away - all of this in the same month we got married.  ( I ADORE her btw - she's great.) His mother and brother came to live with us for stints of that first year as well, his mom started a bunch of crap between us and his brother was out of control out of prison and started using drugs again while with us and had to kick him out (while we were taking my H's ex to court for custody because SHE was strung out on drugs.)

Talk about a nightmare.  I am telling you all this to say this - it all started within 2 to 3 months of the marriage (the HORRIBLE abuse).  I ended up stuck in HELL for 4 1/2 years because I was so confused about what was going on.  I believed it would get better once the other extreme pressures got better.  It never did.  It only got worse and I finally left when he became physically abusive... (Which I thought would never happen.)  He of course wanted me gone long before that - so it wasn't like he didn't want the divorce.  I had to deal with rejection and anger towards myself for PUTTING up with so much crap.  The truth was - I was scared to leave him, and I was also in a real bind financially with our business if I did, topped off with his daughter whom I loved and was now the only stable person in her life as far as I could see.  Anyway - I spent all that time in HELL, trying to AVOID where I am now.  There was no way around the train wreck.

While it is hurtful, and you are probably dealing with total shock (I had some years to prepare my mind for the potential end of our marriage) you were able to avoid SO much heartache and abuse!

It's going to take a while to process, but you're going to be just fine girl! It gets better.   

I know it is for the best in my head, but it is taking my heart longer to get it.  He won't even speak with me and has sent only a few texts.  I am feeling much better today!  My summer was such a whirlwind... . him moving here, getting married, setting up a home and then it just blew up!  I didn't see it coming at all.  We were writing our wedding thank yous the night before and talked about how our names sounded good together.  I even told a colleague that day that I knew I found the man who would never leave me and now here I am sitting in our house all alone.  I wish he hurt as much as I do, but I don't think he is capable. 

 the alone kills, takes time for the mind to clear out. nothing other can say will do much not for long anyway.

im here alone also but in some way we are all together we will move on and live again

seaside, your story is very heartbreaking. Make sure you have a support system for yourself, stay with friends who really care and understand if you can or at least speak with somebody who is a kind listener like a best friend, church pastor, somebody you can speak openly with. The people here on the boards are also terrific and understanding, but it's different from real life face to face human contact -- not worse just different.

Take care of yourself.