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for me the hard is being alone so much. im dealing with ex being gone ok. still miss have a family around even if it was a mess. atleast it was my mess and i came home to it.

dont want live that way again but sick of coming home to a shell.

ive even tried online dating its sucks. seems kind of like a candy store and eveyone is just looking around and cant make up thier mind.

everything takes time, i know if i could meet someone new i could put this in the past

i really am not a me person i give much better then i take, i do need and want someone that can give to me as well

Hi simplyasiam, Well, in my view coming home to a peaceful, if empty, shell is preferable to returning to a toxic BPD soup of drama and conflicts.  Of course we miss the good parts.  Yet, in my case at least, the bad parts overshadowed the good parts, and I was nearly swallowed up by the BPD tidal wave.  So the hard part you describe is still better for me, anyday.  Lucky Jim

There is a difference in being alone and being lonely - it has taken me some time to not just understand that but to live that.  Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but choosing to be alone rather than in dysfunctional or chaos has a lot to do with self worth.

So, maybe stop trying to date - but DO start living life.  What things do you enjoy?  How can you get out of your comfort zone to do it and meet new people.  I have done things the last few years I never would have done before... . meetups, book clubs, boxing, painting - there is a lot of real confidence building that happens when we get out of our comfort zones and try something new... . we also meet new people  |iiii

It is hard, I STILL get nervous going to a meetup hike - but I always have fun and it turns out just fine.

Get out there and live your life alone - it really will be ok