BPDFamily.com

Hi guys,

So some good news here.  :) He has his first appt on Wednesday to see a psychiatrist (I think it's a psychiatrist - he has been referred by his doctor for an assessment with some form of mental health care worker anyway)

After he took himself off his anti-depressants in March his behaviour became very unstable including dumping me twice, obsessions with conspiracy theories, some dissociation, increased rages and cutting people out of his life.

I have told him I want him back on the pills or to see a mental health proffessional. Looks like it got through. He went to the doctor and was prescribed Valium short term (he's ran out of them now) and he has made the appt after his referral. REALLY pleased about this  :) The r/s can't continue at this level of the rollercoaster.

He is already formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Over the past few weeks he has done pretty well with exception of a few hurtful instances. He has become less ragey and I have managed to talk to him about some of my own issues and about our r/s and what I want from it. Some things that would have triggered him are less likely to now and he says he feels happier and like he is getting better.

Going off topic now: Here is something quite typical that happened over the past few days. Off topic totally but wanted to write it to some people who understand to make me feel better! Its a bank holiday 3 day weekend here in the UK. We live apart but I have been practically living at his the last 3 weeks and we both say it's gone well. He was fine but then flipped out over me needing a key one night to get back in when he was going out and started talking about needing time alone for a bit. Unfortunately this coincides with a holiday weekend where most couples spend the time together but the opposite looked like it was going to happen here. We did agree that I would leave his yesterday for a few days but his actions contradicted this as he offerred for me to stay at his while he was at work and when he came home he cancelled his plans and asked me to watch a film with him instead so I stayed over again. This morning we had sex and literally within ten minutes of finishing he said "Can I talk to you about a difficult subject?" (Good start it seems communication wise) he said he has tried to ask for space nicely but he wonders when he will get it. I said ":)ont worry I will go after I have had a cup of tea - I was going to go then anyway as we had talked about this" He started a mini rage even though I had said I was going. He kept trying to go back to his need for time alone sometimes but in a ragey way. Saying he stayed up til 4am last night just to get some time alone after I went to bed (still had sex with me at 4am when he got back into bed though!)  I didnt engage and just went - making sure I went on a good note (well as good a note as you can in these BPD curcumstances) I tried to make a joke of it and said "Lets have another go at saying goodbye nicely!" I knew he wanted space and its a big trigger for him if he doesnt get time alone. People here say look at their actions rather than their words and it confused me as his actions over the past few days were "stay" but his words were "go". He is so rollercoastery that he can change his mind and "go" has changed to "stay" in the past so its hard to gauge - thats probably why I didnt leave yesterday when I was originally going to. Anyway thats by the by - just wanted to get that off my chest... . gives you an idea of how inconsistant it can be.

I am wondering what you guys think about me calling up the psychiatrist (in confidence) before the referral and saying I think he has BPD?

The other alternative is to make a list with him about some good points to discuss with the psychiatrist (ie feeling angry all the time, black and white feelings, him pushing people away etc)

I am concerned that he will not have the self awareness to tell the psychiatrist about his behaviours as he doesnt seem to realise how much he exhibits them. I am worried they will miss the BPD and go down the depression or bipolar route (in the UK BPD seems to be more unknown) He knows there is something "wrong" and frequently tells me he knows he's the mad one and not me.

Hi connect,

I hear you, it wasn't until we left the UK that BPD was mentioned to us! It doesn't seem to be as well known there, or the treatment of it either. I am sure if you sought it out you would find a T who was familiar with it. Its a tough one calling his psychiatrist, and I am not familiar with your r/s history. I would like to think that giving them the heads up would help though! Knowing what I know now, if we were to go back to the UK I would definitely mention it, as then it increases the chances that he will get the treatment he needs.

Let us know what you decide and how you get on.

Love Blazing Star

Hi guys,

Just bumping my own post! His appt is in three days and I wondered if anyone else has any insights too on if I should call his new therapist in confidence ref the suspected BPD?

Blazing Star - thanks for your reply   In my gut I feel like I want to call the therapist but dont know what I should do... . It feels like this is the one BIG chance to get somewhere (from his side) I have been wanting this for a long time - I want to do all I can to aid it. His current diognosis of depression and anxiety is not really what I am seeing here... . just a small part of a larger picture. A BPD diagnosis or even PTSD would be more productive I feel.

Gut feelings are usually pretty correct.

If I were going to call I would be totally honest and say "Look I don't know if I should be calling you, if it is the right thing to do, but I might regret it if I don't, and perhaps it might help you. I am pretty sure my H fits much of the BPD criteria, I know often giving someone with BPD a diagnosis isn't helpful, but I also know that having an idea of it might help him get the treatment he needs" or something along those lines.

Be sure to let us know how the P responds if you decide to go ahead!

Love Blazing Star

Thanks Blazing Star  :)

Was thinking along the same lines myself.

Really hoping he gets steered towards the DBT / CBT line as I am sure it will help. I think he had a few CBT sessions years ago as he sometimes does exercises using the tools from that but it was a long time ago. He only does it occassionally and he will try to challenge his thinking. It works when he does it but it very rarely happens as he has not seen anyone for a long time.

Hmm, I'm not sure that I would call the psychiatrist?

Just picturing the shoe being on the other foot and BF secretly calling my doc to tell them what they suspect I have-- a serious emotional disorder, BPD.  I would be really upset, because my therapy is a private and personal matter.

I can understand wanting someone to have the best possible chance of recovery; totally get that.  Just wondering if it would be better though to let him get comfy with the Dr first and see if there's improvement?

Seems like I've read about a therapist telling the patient about a loved one calling with info.  I don't know anyone personally that has happened with; think I read it here somewhere.

Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well :)