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This topic is important to me. Although I am doing so much better I have to admit I still have a long way to go with addressing my own issues. I'm sure this thread has been done so many times before but I think its an important one.

So Why did I pick a borderline girlfriend.

She was young - Im 32 and reasonable to look at. But I also have self worth issues. I wasn't financially stable as i would like at the time thankfully thats changed and I felt being with someone younger I could grow with them rather than having to already have the goods on the table for someone who is closer to my age and knows where they are going. its not even so much that I'm not going well myself. But my worth is low and I didn't feel deserving of someone my age who is secure in themselves... .

She needed to be rescued - I get a buzz from helping people. Its always genuine well at least i thought it was but I guess there is a motive to also feel good about myself and that I'm worth something. I thought if i was always there for her she would see what an amazing guy I was but all I was doing was enabling her poor behaviour. Early in the relationship she came clean about her problems and that she couldn't put in 50/50. I should of run then but instead just like RnB artist Ne-yo said i replied with "let me love you until you learn to love yourself". I look back and I'm kicking myself with anger. That was a meal ticket right there and then for her to do what she liked.

She was beautiful - I knew her for two years before we dated and always thought she was the most amazing person I ever met. Then when she started showing interest i put her on a pederstool. Ignored all the reflags and the toxic dance began.

There are many more reasons but you get the point. The problem all came down to my self worth. I didn't come from an upbringing with a lot of love I was always verbally abused and gaslighted into thinking I was worthless by my own Aunt and even mother and some points (lived with both at different times) I was also chronically bullied in school. My heart was always in the right place but I didn't have great role models so I was a hithead in school and no one ever deserves to be bullied but I feel like I had it coming... .

I guess you see where I'm coming from. So many issues I've had growing up and because of them I'm doing the toxic dance in my day to day life. The good news is I'm aware and at least I'm accountable. So I'm not insane just damaged. This experience with my ex girlfriend has left me feeling like a very broken man I guess things have been better day to day but I hate going through life feeling like I don't fit in. Thanks for listening every. I hope you all find happiness in your journeys 

Snap,

You fell in love with a disordered person. That doesnt mean that there was something wrong with you... . in fact, it shows you are a caring individual with real feelings. That is admirable.

I knowingly let my exUBPDgf come back into my life realizing that she in all likelihood has this condition(behavior screams of it)... . I still allowed her back in. I even told her, I accept you for who you are. Does that make me a bad person for doing that? No. Was it the right decision? No. I fell in love with a disordered person too. From what i have noticed on here... . the vast majority of nons are very caring people. It is probably the reason why they seem to gravitate towards us... . however with the inevitable outcome of discard.

Why did i pick a borderline girlfriend?

In my case, she picked me. I tumble from space to Earth in the aftermath.

I forgot to mention she rescued me as well... . I was going through the heartbreak from another mentally ill girl with BPD symptoms... . The new girl happened to be there. We mirrored each other by saying all the right things and then it happened. You have a good point. Being kind to myself is not something I'm good at. I guess we need to remember just because we make mistakes doesn't mean we are not good people. Ive always been very hard on myself.