BPDFamily.com

In May, my wife file a DV charge against me when I filed for divorce. When I went to the initial hearing, her lawyer suggested an alternate solution. If I withdraw the divorce paperwork, which was already served on my wife, she would drop the charges and enter a mutual no contact agreement with the courts. I withdrew the filing. Last Monday, Aug, 19 I get an email from her attorney stating she no longer feels she wants to do this and wants a DV hearing! I am floored! I could have been divorced already, but I am not! I feel so duped in doing this. My wife got me to drop the divorce and I continue to pay all of the financials I agreed to when we separated. And now the hearing is scheduled for late October. I am able according to our verbal separation agreement she wanted, able to file for divorce November 1.

Talk about a rude awakening... . We had the hearing on Thursday where I asked the court to drop the DV case and was turned down. and, here's the kicker... there are a million and one places to park in town where the courthouse is, yet my wife finds the parking garage I am parked in, a block away from the court house and parked directly across from me! Really? You file DV because you're afraid? And then park across from me? Talk about trying to create drama. I saw her car when I came out and didn't hesitate a second... I took off and didn't look back.

I doubt a verbal agreement carries any legal weight, but check with your lawyer about that.  If you don't have a lawyer, then seek some free or inexpensive consultations with family law attorneys.  I'm thinking - as a non-professional of course - that if she broke her agreement to withdraw her DV case, then your agreement not to refile for divorce until November is voided too.

Delay and sabotage are typical BPD tactics.  "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me."

Did you get pictures of her auto parked so close to yours?  If there's a temporary RO or PO against you, you could use it to show she is violating it herself.  But how do you prove you parked there first?  She could claim you parked second while following her.  So you may have to just let that go.

So you've been separated for nearly a year, she doesn't want a divorce yet she's filed DV long after you separated?  Sounds like she wants you but only at a distance simmering on hold on the back burner.

I parked there first. And she came to court late, to avoid running into me as her attorney stated in court to the judge... funny... right... I didn't think of taking a picture... I only thought to get the fudge out of there.

I went to my divorce attorney afterwards, she looked at the DV paperwork and said this...

First off, why did she wait 5 months before she filed? Second, why did she file after you asked her for an address to serve her? My wife moved to parts unknown in February, so I texted her if she didn't give me an address, I would have her served at work. Next thing you know, she texts, she filed a 50B DV against me... .

Anyway, my divorce lawyer is going to handle the DV case and re-file the divorce in November. I know I can re-file now, but I may have to deal with her contesting it and it being drawn out further. So, I am waiting until then. We have been separated for 15 months BTW... . it's such crap.

I saw a DV case during my day in court. To the guy filing the DV charge against his ex, judge said, "Why, if you were so afraid, did you not call the police?" and "Why if you are so afraid did you wait 3 months to do this, and does it have anything to do with this other pending motion to change custody?"

Pretty blunt questions.

Does she have anything other than her own testimony that there was an incident of DV?

There is zero history of DV between us. No police ever called, no issues ever reported. Because... . there was none!

Only the promise of filing a DV report if I filed for divorce... which she made good on!

It's amazing how a woman can simply stroll into a magistrates office and get a DV protection order. It takes literally zero to make it happen and then you find yourself being served by a sheriff. It turns my stomach over how these cases are so easily doled out on a man.

And to boot, it was 5 months after our split she filed this. And as my lawyer states, there is NOTHING in the complaint that warrants a DV 50B to be placed on you. Yet... I am going to court and will have to fight it. After I agreed to her terms to dismiss it.

Talk about creating chaos and not sticking to your word. I should have known better.

It's not about gender. You can take anyone to court, for pretty much anything. And then pay for the pleasure of proving there is nothing there.

The other awful part about high-conflict divorces is that when pwBPD do agree to something, they don't comply. Then you pay buckets of money to tell the court they aren't complying, and it's a crap shoot how the judge will rule.