BPDFamily.com

Recent events:

-she had no money to buy food, I bought her shopping more than once.

-she needed money to keep her phone on. I helped.

-needing contact lenses in order to drive to work.

-being the only one who cares about her enough to get her random things

-being the only one who tries to help her emotionally and platonically.

She's been short with me since she was reminded by Skype about my birthday. Texting me, and replying a day later, only to do the same again.

One-worded responses. I ask her what's up, she lies to my face and says that's the way she is. I calmly call her out on her BS, and leave her be.

I've given her seven days since I've told her how hard I try to be civil with her. And there is nothing. No change. I contact her today and there's no response. On skype:

Me: "Hey! How're you?"

Her: "Having lunch"

*sets status to Away*

Me: "Well, I'll assume you're busy, but I'll be around for a while" Nothing. She leaves ten minutes later.

I text her about an hour after she disappears from Skype, telling her that I know I haven't been around much, but I still care. And that a compliment she gave me about two weeks ago really meant a lot to me. Nothing.

Everything kind thing I do is an attack on her. She understands nothing, except violent outbursts which I refuse feed her with.

I'm the last remaining one who tolerates her moods, but I just can't take it anymore. I care about her so much and I can't even show her. If I text, then "Oh, we're text-fighting again, are we?". If I email her, "Oh, I'm not doing the whole email thing again". If I attempt to IM her, "Oh, I'm busy. I don't want to talk about it. I was doing something. What's your problem?" and if I call "I don't want to talk right now" or she won't pick up, and try to text-fight afterwards. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE'S PAINTED ME BLACK. I can't even get her to read important emails.

She's trying so hard to screw over the last person who's been there for her the longest. And I can't do it whilst maintaining my sanity. I don't care about her insults; I just want her to let me help.

I want to stay, but then I'll be a doormat. I want to leave, but then I'll be weak. What about -my- health?

I'm just venting. Excuse me; grammatical errors and all.

Chunk Palumbo ... . I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now... .

It sounds like you are doing lots for this girl... . what are you getting in return?... .

If you stopped doing things for her do you think she would stick around?... . Just because she liked you for who you were?...

ps... . if you stayed you would be a doormat... . agreed... .

If you left, why would you consider yourself weak?... .

I brought it on myself, really. Prior to her, and post her, I've always been super-stringent when it came to relationships, and I let it get to this point. I take full responsibility.

As for her sticking around for favours, she paints me white without ever asking or hinting at wanting anything, and without me giving her a thing. She's been doing this before I started to help her out in life, which is what makes it so frustrating.

If she was just trying to use me for stuff, I'd be able to deal with it easily. But it doesn't make any difference; it's beyond money or help.

Leaving would be weak. Every man in her life, bar her father, has been unable to take her attitude, so they leave (whether pushed or of their own accord). I've come this far, which is admirable, but I don't know if I can do it. So I ranted.

I want to shout at her to get through to her concrete-covered head. But I haven't in weeks. . . . I'm tired of returning the lack of her emotional intimacy (which I have no qualms in admitting I desire), with a Stepford Wives-esque lack of emotion, even though I feel it.

I'm not usually emotional at all. But her? She some how makes my iron heart combust with all different types of feelings.

Maybe this should go in Undecided. My apologies.

Hi Chunk, sounds like you are in a tough situation.

Are you are saying that you NEED to help her? What do you think will happen if you stop paying for all her stuff?

I'm not trying to be judgemental because I totally understand wanting to be strong enough to be the one person who never left her. That was me in my relationship too! However, some people might look at your situation and instead think you were weak for letting her use you. Maybe the truth is somewhere inbetween these things? Maybe this is even beyond being weak and being strong?

Either way, you gotta to work towards figuring things out. 

Hi.

I don't believe I've ever needed to help her; I've wanted to, but that's a recent phenomenon. Admittedly, there was a part of me that held the small hope that it'd at least improve a slither of our relationship.

If I help her or not, it seems as though it doesn't matter either way in the long run; as if something is eating her from within. Funnily, if I say her behaviour/silent treatment sometimes eats me up, then I'm overreacting, which is BS - and I tell her that.

I sent her a short email last night, reaffirming that although I'm still here, I've assumed she needs space/time and I'll respect that. No response.

I'm on Skype right now (she's also on it) and I've day off work. Honest to god, I know that if I hound her, I'll get answers as to why she's behaving so offishly. But I won't. 

I'm not a complete cretin, though, and have an inkling as to why she's changed again. Probably something petty and to do with putting X's at the end of her texts (incl. her ex-fiance), and her current boyfriend not being fond of that.

It could be my paranoia, but I've known her long enough. And seeing as she suddenly declared to me that putting X's in texts seems to've create weird problems for her recently, but retreated when asked "with whom?" I put 3+3 together.

After a bout of quizz and dodge, I educated her on how petty Text Drama is, and she proceeded to paint me even blacker.

Her arguments/misunderstandings with other people shouldn't affect the way her and I interact. But maybe I'm just narcissistic in thinking her and I are above that.

Bah.

Annd she's painted me White again. Probably the email I sent. I need a break.

That's the thing. They don't ask for anything because they don't have to. Once we're painted white we jump into action the next time we see they need something - and they don't even have to ask.  They have us on auto pilot.

I don't know your story but from this post alone I am wondering why you would do this to yourself?