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uBPDw of 35yrs , many failed love affairs . refused divorce past feb. and moved a 1000mi to live w/ married man . they had relationship when she was 14 and he 22. proclaimed soulmates for 40yrs. this was second trip there in 3 years , first ending in disaster in 2010 , his wife didn't approve. she went again last apr and returned 3wks ago , same result. he's back with his wife. anyway when she called to start her return , for the first time in all these years she admitted she needed help and wanted to return home. I told her it is half her house and the sole boundary to be welcome would be to get professional help asap . she saw her new T 2nd time today. she was abused as a child and recognizes long existing destructive patterns . but it seems she tries to sidetrack some discussions back to me . today she told T that I had let her move back . the word let set off her T , as she has legal rights to live in her home. I never felt or said anything but she had that right and my feelings were not legally irrelevant. usual " nothing has changed with you " . my T of the last couple of years states the contrary , that I have improved over time and will need  work on me till i'm dead. she seems to take us down old dead end roads and smells like the blame game. any thoughts welcome

Well, that's quite a lot, and 35 years is a long time.  Take what she tells you about things her T said to her in a session with a large grain of salt.  She may be exagerating, misunderstanding, or outright fabricating some of the things she tells you her T said.   

Just keep working with your T, and let her work with hers.  I would let these kinds of comments about what her T supposedly says about you go in one ear and out the other.  She's the one who impusively moved 1000 miles away to try to live with a married man. 

thanks briefcase , very helpful suggestions . my T unfortunately moved to another mental health agency . I was recommended by her to another and have an appt. bad timing, we had a good relationship and I hate starting over this is a very long complicated tale. she can't face her soulmate committed statutory rape and has been a predator using a disturbed person for selfish reasons for 40yrs , i'm a more convenient bad guy to blame. I certainly share in the bad and good of our marriage but don't swallow the " blame game ". my w is developmentally about 14 , when she became sexually active.

I can certainly endorse this. I am fully aware this happens in our RS, but still fall for it. I can't change it and have to accept it as "just is'. It is hard on the other hand to be constantly suspicious as that is no way to live a RS. You kind of have to take a "thats an interesting thing you are saying approach' choosing neither to believe nor disbelieve, just don't stake any important decisions on it being the truth. Usually its just a close relative of the truth.

There is little in the way of lines drawn between truth, twisted truth and outright fibs. They will often use a blend of whatever best describes their feelings.

Misquoting doctors and Ts is very common, often using cut and pastes from different professionals to come up with their own custom fit answer, and in the process pitting others against each other. It is one of the ways we can get drawn into triangulation situations by being told half truths about what somebody else has supposedly said or done

my wife has seen new T twice and told her T what I had shared about BPD and dialectal therapy . her T said it was just the latest therapy , new terms for old stuff so books are written and big profits for the authors. T she again avoids being sexually abused by brother at 4 and shifts to my role in her life , bad. I have not reacted well the past few years and don't deny that .