BPDFamily.com

Hi there

I'm 19 from Australia, and my sister who is 4 years older has BPD.

She always had mild symptoms of BPD but they were aggravated when she was assaulted at 12.

She has had multiple overdoses from recreational and prescription drugs, as well as attempts on her life via hanging and cutting.

My parents struggle with her on a daily basis as she's obsessed with plastic surgery and the kind of life you see in Keeping up with the Kardashians.

I struggled through high school because she kept trying to kill herself. It was especially bad in year 12 and whenever I had exams because it was like she felt she wasn't getting attention because I had to study so hard.

Things came to a point when I was 18 and I moved out of home. I started my first semester of uni and things seemed to be going well. My parents missed me and kept saying how much they wanted me to stay home, then started saying that it was better and my sister has changed.

I moved back home about 6 months ago and it's been hell. She steals my things, goes into my room when I'm not home, comes into my room all hours of the day/night if she wants something and fights with my parents constantly.

She assaulted me last night to the point where I had to call the police and I can't go home for 3 days. This was all because she wanted to drive my car without insurance when she's only had her license for 2 days and I said no.

I am so so so so sick of living this life and I'm at the point where I feel like if I don't leave again I'll kill myself within the next year.

Hi Minosaur, I'm from Australia too, in Queensland.

Your sister may be sick but it's not worth sacrificing your own wellbeing. At 18 you are an adult and therefore can leave and rent other accomodation. Have you got a job while you're studying? That way you can pay the bills and get the freedom you desire.

You can still support your family by visiting when your sister is in a good way. No one should have to live that way.

Hi Minosaur

*welcome*

I'm sorry it's so hard for you with your sister   I'm glad you found us, though. This is a great place for support with many members who are have been through the same situation and who will be a great support.

What do your parents say about it?

Have you thought about seeing a therapist to sort through some of this? It can be very helpful

Please keep posting, it really does help!

Thanks aloha1983.

I have left home before but the rent in my city (Perth) is so high I can't afford to leave again, especially juggling full time uni and part time work as well. My parents make me feel like I'm abandoning them as well when I leave. If I could afford it I would be living on your side of Australia by now :)

Hi Scarlet Phoenix :)

I just replied to your PM.

My parents are overseas for three weeks. I don't like to put extra pressure on them as they're already very busy with work and their religion, plus they're also traumatised by my sister's actions as well.

Hey Minosaur,

Are you able to move a little further out of town for cheaper rent? And commute a bit? It may be worth it for peace of mind.

I would definitely get in contact with your parents... . don't ever think they are too busy for you.

Are you safe with your sister?

Hi again!

You sure have a lot on your plate. If it's hard for you to move out, there are still tools you can use in your relationship with your sister. One important one is validation. It means to show that you hear what she's really saying, that you get the feelings behind what she's saying. It's for you, it's something that might prevent a blow-up. You can read about it here:

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation)

And I'm also thinking about what aloha1983 said, do you feel safe with your sister now that your parents are away?

It's good that you had the wherewithal to call the police in what must have been a scary and stressful situation.   You know, you could put together a safety plan, just in case things get heated again. I had one for a while in a rough patch with my partner. You can read about it here: Safety First (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

Do your parents know that you had to call the police?

Where are you staying right now?