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So he texts me today & ask about my girls. If they know we are separated. I'm emotionally raw as he is asking. Seriously why do they poke? I don't wish to discuss anything personal on thar level because it gives him leverage.

I feel sick when he's trying to be all nicey nicey. Gosh today he is making me feel insane... I keep reminding myself get off the damn rollercoaster. Vent done!

KHC,

What is on his radar is completely wrong information.

I am so sorry you are hurting.

He also said our friend said she's single and wants to come over... wow. Making me feel I like crawling out of my own skin!

I feel your pain KHC. They sure know how to push our buttons. A few days after I broke up, the dBPD exgf sent me approxiamtely 50 texts with photos of all the vacations we had been on the preceeding 3 years.

I just don't even know why I got sucked into it. He was going on and on that because I removed him from Facebook, people are getting the picture. So what! I don't care. I need to do this for my own sanity. He went on and on how he wanted to be there for me, he thinks I am telling everyone what an A-hole he is, and that he doesn't care. That I like to do things quick and rush into things without taking it slow and going with the flow.

My response is - okay we are separated, I don't want to see him physically (he told me he cannot even be there emotionally for me or my girls) SO really how is going to help me? Or be there for me?

Who I am telling? Oh yes I love to cause drama and involve EVERYONE in my business (I have told a few close friends who are in my corner, this board and my counselor). I openly admit I HAVE to change.

I like to deal with things quickly and rush. Uhm no, I am putting up boundaries, I am separately myself, detaching, getting myself into a state of healing. I cannot do that when he is present (body, mind or soul), I cannot do that when I have no privacy on my social media (like facebook). I need to have my own safe place and have my own identity APART from his life, apart from his friends (I basically adopted as mine). apart from his parents and his family. I need me. My own life, my own space, my own friends and my own family for my healing.

He doesn't get it. He has exhausted me today. I hate it. He reminds me of how exhausted I used to be when I was with him in the same house (times 10!)... . he still has that control to exhaust me emotionally & mentally being an hour away in different cities!

Guess who's to blame... yep... . little ole me. Forgive myselfand move on. Lesson learned, test failed... . try again. Thanks for all your support. Hugs

Be gentle with yourself KHC_33, we've all been there.    The things I allowed to happen in my relationship make me flush today.  Do you think you might benefit from some NC for awhile to get your bearings?

What is NC?

No Contact.  At all.

It can be helpful for some people because it gives us time to recenter ourselves, get back to ourselves, and start the detachment process. It's a tool to help us detach and heal. 

Personally, I found it extremely helpful, but it's not for everyone.  Some people can handle limited contact or more. 

What do you think?

I want to but we have financial ties still. I wish it that way. Nothing good comes out of any conversation with him. He has texted me at 1am today again. I'm not answering. I need to recollect myself. My heart wasn't taking the stress well. I have to save my health. So yes NC but not like I can change me # etc. I still have to atleast deal with it until loan is paid off.

If you have financial ties, I understand needing to keep lines of communication open.  Doesn't sound like he needs to text you at 1am to talk about finances, though?

Have you tried asking him to only contact you for loan related issues? 

Hang in there, I know it's tough.  We're here for you.