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As I progress through this process of final separation from my uBPDexGF... . (we split in April went NC then recycled for 3 weeks in July - end of July she engaged a new victim) but now after 3.5 years of numerous break ups and recycles I have brought myself to another real point of chain-breaking! --This past week,  I did some "housecleaning".  I have deleted literally hundreds of pictures and emails from my accounts that have been stored since the beginning of 2010 (when we began).  All the Albums on Facebook, I did not hide, I deleted.  Pics on my computer, pictures of us together, ones taken of one another, pics of us kissing at sunset, even pics with her kids, my kids, all of us together, Disneyworld, baseball games, trips, everything I can find on-line, on computer, hardcopy... . all deleted!  Professional, beautiful pictures of us on a cruise together, I simply deleted and destroyed and had a satisfying feeling ripping through the hard copies.  I threw away everything she brought into my home, birthday cards, and reminders from new year’s eves together such as a noise maker and hat, even a coffee table. I threw away all the things she ever gave me (which weren't that many) including a pair of dress shoes, ties, and an expensive wallet.   I literally piled this garbage in with my weekly trip to the dump and enjoyed watching it tumble into the landfill!  While I know I cannot eradicate history and there will always be pictures and reminders of us somewhere in the world, it feels good to get rid of some of this stuff from my immediate vicinity!

Soon there will be no trace of her in my life, only the ruminations throttling through my gray matter. Which are to end soon enough--with my continued self-work!  I joined this site one month ago, just days after our last recycle, but I have learned so much. And I know I have grown a lot in one month as a person.  A few weeks ago, I wanted to send a letter to her new BF, but after consulting this group, I did not.  I have that letter waiting, and had a weak moment or two wanting to call her a few times, but, alas I did not.  NC since July and I want it to be continued NC in July 2050. 

I have few regrets in life, but really when I think about it, short of the credit I do give her for the brief flashes of goodness she displayed, as she did bring me happiness at the beginning, and at moments during the clinging stages, I'll give her that... . however, the rest was a pretty regrettable 3.5 years spent with a emotional sucking vortex of a person, who is currently onto the next victim.  She is just now laying the groundwork for his impending emotional doom!  And as someone has said on this board, the" Mac Truck" of emotional demise is headed his way and he is standing right in the middle of the road, his eyes are fixed squarely on the headlights.

While I know this is not for everyone, has anyone else enjoyed this type of liberation lately?

Kudos to you for this big step, betterment! 

I wish I were as strong as you. I could only put away all the pics I had of her. I still have gifts that I bought for her but hadn't given to her yet. Luckily I'm usually too busy to look at any of this stuff. I can't go back, but letting it all go is still hard.

I'm in the same situation. I still have some photo's, perfume ect packed away... . And all our photos I have backed up on a hard drive. I've been tempted to look at them a few times... . most of the times with happiness but then I can see the sad hollow look she had in most of the photos makes me realise the whole relationship was a lie... . for her anyway... .

What's amazing is in many of the photos of my ex, she had that hollow look as well.  She is such a beautiful woman, but some photos of her were down right disturbing as she had a distant stare, nowhere near the realm of the environment.  Yes, you got it, snappa, one big lie.

Do you think you hang onto those memories forever?  I don't want to, so I let them all go.  You are very right--relationship was just lies!

My exUBPDgf gave me an iPad mini as a surprise with the words "Just because... . Ironmanfalls"... . Engraved on the back of it.

Was given to me shortly after she came back into my life(Round 2).

I will never know if she gave me this present "just because"... . Out of sincerity/genuine feelings... .

Or out of guilt for having left me abruptly and treated me like she wanted nothing to do with me and raged at me when she left me the first time.

It pains me to even use it.

The person that gave it to me at that very moment wasn't exactly the same exact person that left me for the second time months later.

But then again... .

That is the nature of this disorder.

Yes. No. Yes/No. Either. Or. Both.

All momentary.

A constant reversal of feelings.

To look at it.

And wonder.

And not know the real reason.

Haunts me.

I am very sentimental.

There are times I honestly wish she didn't give it to me.

A gift that only hurts me in return when I use it.

Hey Bettermen

I admire your courage. I went even farther. My exBPDgf left me for the second time at the end of April. She left last year in March. We were living in California and I decided to move to Oregon in November. I told her she didn't have to come and not to complain about the weather. The rages and devaluation began immediately. I got this huge house for the two of us. We had "plans" to make a life together. Looking back I see how I was being painted black months ago.

Now I'm moving. I can't stand to be in the same house with the rooms she painted, memories of every fight associated to some room in the house. I think we covered every room painted black with her rage. I want no more reminders of her. I let her into my heart and like the Trojan Horse she infected every part of me. So kudos to you my friend for working on yourself and removing any trace of that insidious BPD virus.  

Finally I gathered the courage to leave.

My ex begged me to give her one more chance come January.  Said I need time to figure myself out, I've got problems.  I don't want any other men.  You are the only man I want. Said she can't even drink so don't worry she'll be in full control.

2 weeks later.  Pics of her with 2 guys on 2 separate nights that i found through a friends social media, drunk in both

#yolo #sangria yay!   

Hrrm wonder what she did that night?

I'm so done its not even funny.

The sad thing is she put up pics of herself publicly that I could view which were taken at the same places without the guys.

Such a lecherous, lying tramp.

Thank God I'm angry.  Finally, I'm angry.  I can stop feeling sorry for her.  I'm DONE DONE DONE DONE.

I'm out and moving on with my life.

I'm done.  I'm out. 

Congratulations Betterment!

I haven't brought myself to taking this step yet, but I'm considering it. Job well done!

deretour

Ironmanfalls---I feel for you brother, this iis some of the toughest stuff anyone should ever have to go through.  It's hard to get rid of the material things, but oh so much harder to shake off the emotional damage.   

I will not look at on-line photos.  I have blocked her, her family and all of her friends, I've even disconnected all tags of me. While I can't get them all because some are public and belong to non-friends, I've gotten rid of a fair share.

Hang in there.  Don't torture yourself by looking at FB.  I was there just weeks ago. I am well into second month of NC and look forward to many years of the same. 

Thanks Learning_curve... . I know that letting go is hard.  I think I started to let go many recycles ago, but just recently could bring myself to dump the stuff that I knew was there, lurking.  Letting go is so, hard.  My next step is to sell the engagement ring that I bought her and she (luckily) returned to me (more than once)!  I just bought this thing last year, but I know I will be happy to get only half of it's retail value, just to be rid of it.  In the next few days, I plan togo to the jeweler to sell it.  Very few things remain that will remind me of her.  It's just stuff.

The real problem remains between my ears and in my chest!

When you are ready to totally let go of that stuff you bought her, you will.  You'll donate it or give it away or toss it in the trash.  Or... . maybe you won't, you will always keep it tucked away.  I just cannot do that.

Thanks, it was a big step for me but felt good.  Just cleaning house!  I won't regret it either.  No material things that remain from our relationship have any real value when I think about it. So gone it is!

Hello Mindful, I have not sold the house we lived in together.  However, the only thing that she changed were a few colors here and there.  This was my house before she moved into it and it is mine now that she is gone.  Slightly different from your situation, but I understand you moving.  I will move one day, but I know this house existed before she entered my life and it's different than the other "shared stuff"  I too admire your courage to move on in a drastic way.  Don't look back and keep moving forward.  I plan to do the same my friend.

Wow Betterment - I admire your strength.  I've still got all the photos, texts, and even a couple of voicemails.  I sort of tortured myself with those at first.  Especially all the sweet text messages.  I haven't looked at them for awhile but can't bring myself to get rid of them.  The only thing I did was take down pictures of us on Facebook.  He's rarely if ever on Facebook but I just couldn't look at them all the time.  Sounds liberating for you!  Good job.

Thanks Bettermen

I kept a few key text messages and one voicemail she left for me at 4 am a day after my brother died. She railed at me that she wanted to come first and that she couldn't trust me if I didn't her what she needed.  This is a reminder every time I get wistful and imagine the idealization phase, which will never, ever come back. 

The second recycling, the breakup was much more damaging.  I keep the bad stuff to remind myself how lucky I am.

My only problem with destroying the evidence, I notice she does it almost immediately following a breakup, deletes and throws out everything, pics, fb posts how much she loves me, tags ect, all gone in her impulsive fit. So when she changes her mind 5 days or 5 weeks later. Were left with whatever I still kept and somehow I'm hurt and shocked that she simply deleted our memories.

With that being said, the dec breakup was particularly bad, I couldn't picture myself going back to her and didn't imagine shed have the nerve to even ask. So I had started deleting stuff eventually. And of couse she lured me back, and all through that period of reconcilliation and even now as I sit here without her and heartbroken, I miss those pictures, how happy she appeared with me.

Maybe once I man up and clear this #$%& out of my life, maybe that'll signify the end and finalize it permanently in my mind. For now I just continue to ruminate I guess.

Thanks.  I was torturing myself, but decided that I will probably never look back fondly at these things so decided it was time to let them go.

Keeping the stuff around for me was worse, so I feel better being rid of it.  Everyone does it a bit different.

I hear ya, I understand your ex's impulsive reaction to the situation. My reaction was calculated, I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to keep such memories around, and I decided that I did not.  There was little value to me in doing so and I find it cleansing almost to have removed all of those fake memories or moments filled with joy for me that were really "tainted" by her hidden behavior.  LThe lies were way too much to keep pictures and little memoirs.  Best to let all that go and move on.  I tend to not like a lot of stuff around anyway.  So it helped both causes.

I should probably delete everything. I'm now at the "I don't give a rats ass about her" stage. I realized how she manipulated me for the past year to get money out of me. All our loving intense memories mean nothing to her. I am just an object to be used.

I'm too sentimental to get rid of the photos. It was rare that we took photos together, but in the ones that I do have there is a true look of joy on both our faces and in both our eyes. Many people on the forums talk about the BPD "empty/dead eyes", but that is not something my BPDex shows in the photos, there is a very genuine childlike joy in her eyes when we took photos together.

We were so stupid and so in love at those moments, and I say that without the slightest hint of self-deception. It hurts too much for me to look at those pictures now. But in the future I hope they'll just be warm reminders of an ex that I once loved tremendously but is no longer part of my life. I know she touched me very deeply, and I believe that I touched her deeply too (she is very self-aware for a pwBPD). When we were most in love, I don't think either of us realized how much we would end up hurting each other.  :'(

Thinking about this and writing this post, I feel so sad now.   :'(

Thank you so much for sharing this learning_curve74!  i hope it doesn't make you feel too sad b/c it makes me feel happy. for some people they see their whole r/s as fake. however i don't think every great moment i had with my ex was fake. sure she was troubled from the beginning, but, hey, i've got game baby!  lol I've made other beautiful women who weren't disordered just as happy. I realize there was a lot of deception and things i didn't understand during the r/s, but still i know many of the good times were just that, good  *)

Hang in there Learning Curve. Like I said, getting rid of all your pictures and stuff is not for everyone.     I too have those feelings you express; however, I have all the memories in my mind.  I don't need them physically, I am just that way. Don't get me wrong I know there were a ton of good times and we were happy.  I just know that there were key moments in time of our relationship that she was lying to and manipulating me.  For example, we got engaged, and the next day she was sleeping with another man.  I did not find out about this until later and when I went back and looked at the pictures of us laughing and holding one another with the ring in shots from the week following our engagement,  she was in bed with another man that whole week.  I just choose not to keep those.  Then when I started to really do some self examination of what I was going through and starting to really examine all of our pictures together,  none of them stood out as really special.  So, while I do have some good memories, I reign myself in and realize that she is deeply disordered, and that I should not read too much into pictures and material things like the shoes she gave me.  It’s all just material stuff.  Stuff can be replaced.  Memories are not stuff, they are in our brains.  I don’t need the physical reminders to remember something like a relationship.    Not the end of the world, just reality.  I go through pain each day, but I know that this is just another step in my getting over her,  as with you my ex touched me very deeply, but I know I must move on. 

BTW she was not always doing the “million mile stare” or an emptiness gaze in all of her pictures.  She is very photogenic and very, very beautiful physically (but oh so ugly emotionally, the ugliest!) .   Many shots of her are/were amazing.

Goldylamont, As I mentioned above, I don’t think the whole thing was fake. It was not fake for me,  but for her it was not the same experience.  She was not connected to me the same way I was to her. 

But as you say, I know that I can be in a healthy normal relationship with a beautiful woman making them happy as I have been in the past.    I know I will be again.  This is just the way I am choosing to try to heal—and it’s not for everyone as I said.

lol I believe it was I who used that metaphor.  Glad you enjoyed it!

It is personally liberating to "clean house," so to speak.  I've been there.  Remains of things she left behind went right into the dumpster.  I figured that if they weren't important enough for her to remember, then they weren't that important to begin with?

Was it "cruel," or "insensitive?"  Don't know... . don't care.  I didn't need the memory.

As for pictures, I have long gotten rid of them as well as they serve ME no purpose any longer!

It only keeps you in the past and prevents you from moving forward!

MCC

and yeah i totally agree with other posters that it's liberating to get rid of all the stuff you can. i have just a few things left, but i don't mind keeping them because for some reason these particular things don't trigger me and honestly i haven't looked at them for over a year. i have a couple pics we took years ago, that's about it.

but can you believe here are some other funny things i had to get rid of because it reminded me:

--stations she had added to my Pandora streaming music account

--movies she added to my Netflix, or movies i was going to watch with her.

--unlinked *all* photos of us together on Facebook.

--i threw away anything she had left over here as i found them.

--took every ounce of strength to give her back some of her valuables she left after moving out. i wanted to bash it all on the sidewalk in front of her face! but soo glad i didn't do this. i left them on her doorstep intact when she wasn't home. whew!

so, ya, all that's left are maybe 2 or 3 pics which i don't look at. i want to be able to see them in the future and have complete detachment and they aren't a part of my life now. weird thing is i still use her backpack and some gifts she got me but none of this triggers me in the least... . guess i'm lucky in this regard

Hey!

Betterment, and any of you who have successfully deleted/gotten rid of physical stuff/pandora stations/etc., I have a question for you all... .

Do you have any concern that you might want to have something (a photo, etc.) stored away somewhere that you could perhaps open up and look at someday when you're 90 - mostly as just something that documents that chapter in your life? I see that Goldy has done this.

Haha, I probably won't be too popular in this thread, but that's really my only reservation with going through and gutting my place (and all social media stuff).

deretour

that's a good question DeRetour i'd like to know what others think too.

also wanted to throw in there this idea--the concept of ritual. because in our "advanced" society we've done away with a lot of ritual, look down on "tribalism". i think it could be healing to make a ritual of throwing away stuff. or making a big pile of things and putting it on an alter somewhere and then burning it (could be dangerous  lol) or dumping it in a trash compactor or something. hah, it's not really the action that you would do but the mental process of gathering the items and then discarding them in a way to signify your healing. i had planned to do this to a few items i had left, when i was in a positive mindstate to put it all together and then throw it all out, physically and psychologically, but it just kind of happened item by item over time.

I still have her texts on my older phone(16,000+)... .

I deleted the emails however... .

Still have her imessages on this ipad mini... .

Yes.  I liked that one.  The Mac Truck is still bearing down on him.

16000?  Wow.  I deleted every single one.  Hard to let go, but it feels good.

DeRetour,

I don't think I will care about anything like this when I am 90, if I do, I have ruminated enough to last a life time.  Lol.  No pictures, memoirs necessary (at least for me!)

Better,

She was a heavy texter.

Seemed to communicate better through texts with me.

When she would dysregulate... .Her vocal communication with me would literally start to garble.

Literally... .Her words would break apart as she spoke.

I dont know how else to describe that.

Most of her idealization to devaluation is visible in a spiral upwards and downwards in all those texts.

I havent looked at in a while but i keep it as a reminder that what i experienced... .

Was real.

That i wasnt losing my mind.

Its so evident in her texts.

Same thing here... .I have spent the past two years of MY life ruminating, and quite frankly, there just comes a point to where you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

If I am to have any memories, they are the ones that are now burned into my psyche... .Chances are, if I live to be 90, I will probably have dementia so bad, that any "memory" of her would be useless anyhow!

MCC

I too keep ruminating, but it's getting better.  Somedays are way better than others, however, generally speaking it is getting better!

I made another step forward this past week getting rid of a symbol of our love. An engagement ring I gave her and she gave back to me numerous times.  As I  unceremoniously dumped it off to a jeweler at a fraction of the fortune I spent on it just last December.  I took a huge financial loss, but it felt good to let it go.  As it has with all the other "stuff" that I've purged.  Now I have to purge the ruminations!

On we go!

I can really relate to how you say that you don't want the physical objects around-that the memories are bad enough.

I did the exact same thing-I got a bin bag and just dumped all the photos (of my BPD ex and I) in it. It felt very cathartic, like I was getting rid of a big weight of my shoulders. There were a LOT of photos of us so it took a while to dump them all but once I had, I knew there was no going back... that was it. Someone mentioned the importance of ritual in this thread and I agree... the act of throwing out the photos felt ritualistic to me... almost symbolizing the end of the relationship. I looked through each photo as I put them in the bin. I had a lot of thoughts and emotions as I looked at each of the photos but I knew that I needed to do it. I wasn't willing to carry those photos around with me. I wasn't willing to have them burdening me down. I regarded my BPDex as a burden and those photos just represented him. I considered cutting him out of the photos and just keep the bits with me in them but then I quickly realized what a stupid idea that was... that I just needed to make a clean break. I wasn't prepared to go to the effort of actually getting a scissors and cutting him out-something about it struck me as pathetic and I wasn't willing to be pathetic. I knew that I was better than that. I wanted to have my dignity and go out with my head held high.

I actually still have some of the stuff he gave me but it doesn't trigger me at all. If it annoyed me, then I would have dumped them too. Maybe it helped that I wasn't actually in love with him? I'm sure that had I been in love with him, there's no way I could have kept the gifts he gave me. He actually gave really thoughtful gifts so I thought of it in a practical way-that I'd still be able to get a lot of use out of these things and that I shouldn't let the breakup deter me from using these things... that why should I throw out free things? lol

I don't have any words of wisdom over the ruminating. I don't think about my ex during the day yet he pops into my dreams. I want it to stop so I'm making a lot of changes in my life. I feel bored with life right now and I've realized that's because I'm not doing anything exciting/fun at the moment. I don't think that you can take away the pain however I think that you can replace it with something good... .that there can be a silver lining in these kinds of situations when you really start focusing on yourself. I started doing DBT skills and that's only because I looked up DBT for my BPD ex! I never would have done DBT otherwise. It's really helped me process my emotions. I deliberately don't spend much time on this website focusing on my ex-I've spent way too much time focusing on other people in the past. No more. It's about me now. I've found the workshop section of the website here to be very helpful. I've read and re-read the threads and wrote down my thoughts on it, posted a lot in the "taking inventory" section. There's still more changes I want to make but I've made a good start and that's what counts! :)

I respect the fact that you made the decision to move on and just get rid of the stuff so I feel confident in saying that all you need to do is keep up the good work! :)

i'm a musician. i wrote a song about my ex. in the same way, now i'm like FU*# this song, it's not longer needed. i'm definitely *glad* that i wrote it... .but it just seems stupid to spend time (and $$) to actually record it. seriously, she's just not worth it.

devaluing--a harsh lesson we must learn. it's not healthy to devalue as fast and as fake as a BPD projects to the world that they devalue you. i do believe this. however, there is something to be said, something to be learned in how fast we can re-acclimate and devalue them in our lives. wow, let's really look at this--isn't this really what happened? someone went and devalued us faster than we thought humanly possible. BPD seems like devaluation cocaine, as if they just want more and more and more--onto the next person to devalue again. damn, that's not a drug i'd like to try.

still, is it not our job to devalue them, to disregard anything that we thought they meant to us, in order to regain what and who we truly are, before their charades began?

i'll have to think about this. thank you musicfan42 for the inspiration.

I like the discussion in this thread. This is more the direction I need to be focusing. Thanks for putting this thread out there Betterment. And Goldy, Musicfan, and others... .good, inspiring thoughts here.

-deretour

If you found writing the song cathartic, then that's the important thing.

I know what you mean though when you say that it seems stupid to record it. I don't think there would be anything wrong with recording it however it might just make you think about her even more. There's some amazing musicians and writers who are inspired by emotional pain however it's important not to let that pain take over everything in your life.

There's a saying "it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness" and it holds a lot of meaning for me. My therapist introduced me to that saying and then another wise person mentioned a very similar thing to me. It's made me realize that we have a choice-that we can either choose light or darkness. I'm not even talking about positivity. I don't think it's possible to be happy and upbeat all the time however when we have down times, I think we're faced with that choice... which road to go... try to overcome something or else give up. There's times when I've just given up... when I've just said "I've had enough!" It's really not something that I'd recommend to someone else.

There was a poster here who posted his "prescription" against heartache... things like exercise, eating well, spirituality, laughter, keeping busy etc. He said that it was like a medicine against the pain... that it would take time for the pain to pass but that he was prepared to give it the time. It was excellent advice. I can't remember his name unfortunately however I'd just like to thank him here :)

I still have a temptation to dwell on the pain-to pick at it like a scab but if you pick at a scab, it bleeds... it gets worse. If I dwell on my sadness, it gets worse... it becomes a downward spiral and then it's hard to get out of it. It feels soothing to dwell on the sadness initially however over time, it becomes like quick-sand... you get stuck in a pit.


I know it's easy to take the devaluation personally-to think "what did I do wrong?" However it's important to remember that you're not dealing with a stable person. You're dealing with someone with a personality disorder. I read up on BPD and realized that my BPDex's reactions were textbook... that it was nothing to do with me... that it wasn't my fault at all... that he'd just do the same thing to whoever he was dating because that's the kind of person he was.


This part made me feel defensive initially however I thought about it more and I think I can see where you're coming from now. I do consciously devalue people when they hurt me. Fine, I admit it! lol

I had a father who was abusive. He was always making empty promises and I knew that it'd amount to nothing. There were times that I was tempted to cave in however when those moments occurred, I'd steel myself and remind myself of all the times he had hurt me previously and that helped me hold my resolve!

So I basically did the same thing with my BPD ex. I felt very angry however I think that anger actually protected me from him. It was justified anger-anger against someone who was being emotionally abusive to me. I knew that I had to stand up for myself and get the hell away from him as quickly as possible.

I don't think it's good to empathize with someone that's hurting you-you have to regard them as an enemy... as someone who is out to get you at any cost. They're not your friend-they're not there for your welfare. They're out to destroy you. Remember the story of the Trojan Horse? In Ancient Greece, they smuggled this Trojan Horse in and pretended that it was a gift when really it was an attack on the city... there were men inside the Trojan Horse (this huge wooden horse).

A lot of times, enemies can be nice to us for the wrong reasons... for ulterior motives. Basically to regain our trust and just do the same thing all over again. Because they want to regain that feeling of power and control over us. And it's up to us to stop it-to realize that it's just a Trojan Horse... that it's not genuine... that it's just manipulation and not to fall for it. If someone is loyal to me, then I'm loyal to them but if someone betrays me, I tend to have a scorched earth policy... I just cut them out of my life and I've no qualms about doing it. It's a liability keeping toxic people around-you never know what they're going to do next.

I see people here writing about their borderline ex's and making excuses for them-saying that they had a bad childhood, that they're vulnerable deep down blah blah blah. It's a huge mistake. The more excuses you give them, the more they can manipulate you.

 


And this is so true... .I have heard this so many times... .past abuse, "victim" stories, abandonment... .blah, blah, blah... .

I've had all of this used against me... .it's just another tool for the manipulation... .

Such a crazy, circular ride... .

MCC

so i just got this camera from a friend of mine and started taking pics this past week, and i'm downloading my first shots onto my laptop and start going through old photos. i have tons of stuff from years ago i had forgotten about in my digital photo library. so anyways i run into these pics of and with the ex that i haven't seen in a long while--i'm happy to report that i feel pretty ok. i mean, i feel, normal? what i mean is that i felt a little sad, and poignant but i don't feel distraught or angry so much. it just feels like i lost an old friend (which in a sense i did) rather than all of the drama and pain surrounding the breakup. i don't mind keeping some of this stuff around and maybe running into it every other year or so, i think it can be a good gauge of my growth and perhaps some fond (DETACHED!) memories  :)

It is so odd, yet strangely liberating that all of our stories really seem so similar.  Its as if there is a BPD playbook that they study from.  It lets us all know that this pain is real.  My T has said many times that he does believe my ex cared for me, yet her emotional pain took over.  One thing my T said to me very early on... .is it better to be kind or be right?  At first, and even at times today, I need to know I am right about my exes sickness.  Reading these stories validates the rightness for me... .however, the kindness factor does kick in at times because she lives in a tortured world.  The song Beautiful from P.O.D. Sums it up for me.  I am getting myself to the point that life is beautiful, and we have to love ourself first.  I have kept everything she ever gave me... .not much and it is in a box.  She gave my child some toys for xmas, and my T said those are not my items to discard to box up, they are my childs, and I respect that.   My T really tries to get me to look at my relationship from a mature staNPDoint.  In 6 months, we never took 1 picture together... .she would not allow any photos to be taken of her.  How is that for control and manipulation. 

My uBD g/f and I did not end on a bad note so there was never a strong desire to erase her memories.

However, I discovered that they may help perpetuate the "good-time" only memories that triggers recycles.

I tend to forget about the tumultuous times and only seem to remember the wonderful memories we shared, which makes for a difficult recovery.

That said, I went through my phone and deleted pics. While it didn't feel as liberating for me as for some, however it reminded me of how far and between the good times were.