BPDFamily.com

Texting is a blessing and a curse. When you're going through a painful separation with a BPDh it's doubly so. I'd be interested to know if anyone has any strategies for avoiding it.  I use my phone all the time to be in touch with friends and talk to my children. But since my BPDh left two weeks ago (he says I threw him out onto the street) the phone has become a double edged sword as a communication tool. He's just sent me a run of pure poison. In a way it's useful to see the words there in black and white. A good reminder. On the other hand it's unhealthy to be always checking checking for texts but I do value the ones from friends that say lovely positive things. But I'm aware that it could become (yet another, along with my love for BPDh) addiction. Grateful for any advice/experience.

Gotta Smart phone? If so, get the app Call Blacklist. I blacklisted my exBPDgf and the only way she can get in touch with me now is if she ever has the guts to show up at my apartment.

No more facebook, no more phone and I know she's too much of a coward to come back here.

Be strong and don't think of them! Think of your relationship, but not what they're doing! They're ruining somebody elses life. That's all.

Hi mwamvua,

I had the same problem.  I finally asked my provider for a new phone number and texted everyone important in my life the new number. 

No more drama from that side in my life.  My ex partner is convinced I have a new e-mail as well.  And thinks she can contact me on the old one for one unresolved matter between us. 

That way contact is still possible if necessary, but only if important. 

Texting is one of the ways that did get me in trouble over and over again with my ex partner, and I'm glad that's no longer possible.

Take care !

Reg

Thanks both. Today I limited myself to one text only and received an apology for his string of verbal violence. Tomorrow's goal: no texts.

Not to be accusatory, but everyone knows there are apps to block numbers, and we can change our numbers, change email addies, even change our fb names or simply block them on fb and make our pages private. And there are no tresspass or restraining orders. And there's also just self discipline in simply not looking at the text or just deleting them before reading.

I know in my case, and I've more of less been destroyed and devastated by my uBPDw, can never trust her again, or believe a word she says, I leave the number alone because I'm afraid to close that avenue off. Maybe in my sick head I want that line of comminication open because any contact at all is better than none, I'm hanging on to some kind of hope that I know will never happen.

Its like being an abused dog that loves his owner just for giving him a scrap of food off the table, while the owner is content and happy and the dog is wasting away. I compare it to stockholm syndrome at times.

Yup spot on.

I suggested the text boundary and I broke it. What a bad lesson that was to teach my BPDh. Shows how infected I am with his modus operandi.

I've had another day without texting him at all. So I have accomplished something.  :)

Hi toomanytears,

It is a very toxic situation indeed for many of us !

Good to hear that no texting happened, no need to be paranoid about it, but one has to understand that texting and a try to recycle can happen any moment.  It all depends a bit on how your exBPD feels... .

It can take hours, days, weeks, months.  Their behavior on that matter is very unpredictable.  Just keep that in mind for yourself !

BTW, an important question comes to my mind, I read you have a lot of friends and family, how is the support from their side on this matter ?

Take care !

Reg

Hi Reg

I don't think he has talked to anyone really. That's the sad thing. Just gone for long walks alone with his thoughts... .

When going through a divorce no contact is not really an option. You do need to communicate unfortunately. So offers of blocking in this instance is not always a good idea.

The problem I have with text is that it acts as a filter and rarely speak truth especially in these situations.

Keep those texts – you may need them.

What do you do with the texts?

TMT:  I felt the same way.  My xBPDbf and I used to text dozens of times a day.  The first few weeks after the break up I'd still check my phone constantly and the lack of contact from him was just another painful reminder that he was "done" with me.  I'd try very hard not to contact him via text but I always broke down after a few days.  It's hard.  I had no desire to "block" him... . still don't.  Felt melodramatic to me.  Maybe I'd be further along if I had gone NO CONTACT... . I don't know.  But you're going through a very difficult time and I don't think there are any rules here.  We all handle this in our own way and you're doing the best you can.  I will tell you six or seven weeks out he called me at work from a number I didn't recognize because he said I wouldn't take his calls.  I was like, what calls?  Checked my phone and sure enough I'd missed half a dozen.  It does get better!  Wishing you peace and comfort.