BPDFamily.com

My granddaughter and I live together... . she and I are on this BPD journey together. She has friends with BPD and other diagnoses.  She has been on and off minimal medications for the last 2 years and is currently on nothing. DBT group and therapy has given her skills and loads of insight but the emotional dysregulation just overwhelms at times and the skills go out the window as the rages take over. She and I feel some sort of mood stabilizer would be helpful to even make it possible to give the skills a chance. we will go back to Dr and explore this more but am really keen to know what others have found helpful for teens?

She is intelligent and quirky and we love each other deeply but the rages and abuse that pours from her mouth at the time sure takes its toll. I'm getting very tired and even starting to feel depressed... . I have parented my kids, foster kids, and this granddaughter now for 40 years without a break... I am tired.

Portion

Welcome to BPDF.  We are so glad you are here and we really want to help you.  

Most pwBPD seem to do better off meds.  Unfortunately they do not work well with BPD but may alleviate some of the other conditions often found associated with BPD, i.e. PTSD, anxiety, OCD, schizoid affective disorder and paranoia just to name a few.

The best resource is your grandaughter's physician/therapist/psychiatrist.  As I understand it, pwBPD may react differently to mood stabilizing meds because of their dysregulation issues.

There are ways to make things better but they often require cooperation on the part of the disordered person and special communication techniques by nons.  If you have not seen the information available here in the form of workshops, videos, reading lists and personal experiences, I think you may find them useful.

Does anyone else out there have any information on meds?

You sound like a kind, caring, loving person.  To love a pwBPD is emotionally exhausting, and so you must learn the process of taking care of yourself as well

You have a special place in Heaven waiting for you.  God Bless.

Hi Portion and  *welcome*

My dd18 has never been on any meds so I cant really add to this discussion on that regard. The P that she  saw a few years ago did suggest a mood stabisliser though.He said that anti-depressants would make my dd's moods too low and could be dangerous in that she may end up feeling sucidial, but mood stabiliser could possibly even her moods out enough for her to not have to highs and lows that she experiences. At first she said yes, and then said no to them and has stuck to no to any meds or therapy since  

I think it is great that your gd has the awareness and insight to change things for herself if she can.

Acceptance I believe is the step onto recovery. Validation is also a useful skill for us to learn in how to communicate with our pwBPD. I know it has helped me out quite a few times and it really works. My dd has a lot less emotional dysregulated episodes when we are togther now.Even our phone calls are longer( I used to get a lot of hangups) It also helps that we no longer live together too lol.

I have a gd too,though only still a baby, so I can just imagine how much love yours.

The emotional toll on us is a great one when we are heavily involved with our pwBPD and neglecting ours own lives is quite normal.

Is there a chance you can do something for yourself... . maybe meet with friends, or go for a walk? I have found it really important over these years to have some me time... . either alone or with others so I to recharge my battries and leave the thoughts of BPD alone for a while.

Your gd sounds like a lovely girl and I wish the best to both of you.  

thank you. I do know how important it is to have time away and im finally starting to try to act on what i know... there have been so many times when the "emergency" ph calls have interrupted any time i;ve had... or when i have managed to leave town for a few days its the crisis admission to hosp. still we manage to live together, love each other, and share a sense of humour which almost gets me through the outbursts of venom if i push the button... . unfortunately that button is never in the same place so cant know until it explodes that its even there. I need to be more open with people around me of the toll it takes and to learn to ask for help... I do need to find a counsellor for me too i think.

love this site.

she just came into my bedroom said I want a hug... gave me massive hug and told me I was awesome... . she went out with friends earlier and had a good time.

Hi portion  |iiii

You must be a wonderful person and your gd must be also. It is so sad isn't it, for her to have to grapple with this horrible illness.

I am glad you are here with us. It is the best support here and the parents here must be the best in the world   ... well at least we try to be.

As mammamia says, drugs do not seem to help with BPD, but they may help specific symptoms. I am always cautious with drug use, but having taken antidepressants at one stage and finding them very helpful tells me there is a time and place for accepting that help. Now, regarding drugs, I would like to refer you to some excellent information on drug use and BPD.

Just available this year is a booklet published (in Aust) for clinicians working with BPD. It is based on the latest research and there is a chapter on the different drugs and what the research says. The drugs are not referred to by their brand names, so it may seem confusing for you - rather they refer to the active agents in the drugs, eg Aripiprazole, which rates well.

Clinical Practice Guideline for the Management of Borderline Personality Disorder (Aust, 2012) (http://www.nhmrc.gov.au/guidelines/publications/mh25)

keep us in touch, ok?

Vivek    

You can download the booklet for free from this site. The information you need is on pages 62 - 66 (but the whole book is an excellent read)

My 16boy is on tegretol for mood disorder and welbutrin for depression.  I think the welbutrin has definitely helped with the depression.  We've tried a few different things. There is no magic pill and he still flys off the handle at the drop of a hat sometimes... but it helps that he's not always in the dumps too.  Be careful with the mood stabilizers... we tried one and found that the rage was seemingly non stop.  As soon as he was off of it, things got better. It was Depakote. I don't believe there really is a med that can treat the BPD... but if treating some of the symptoms helps then... .

Hi BPDteensmum  *welcome*

Welcome to our place  :) I am glad you have found us here! This has been the best place for support and guidance for me and for the rest of the parents here I think.

Can I encourage you to post a thread to introduce yourself to us all and if you have any concerns you want to raise, we are here for you!

Vivek    

Portion, you said


I love the way you see your granddaughter, as not just the hard parts but also the good parts. That will go a long way toward her trusting you in your relationship! I was a foster care provider too, and started marriage with a 6 year old stepdaughter, so i'm going on 37 years of children since our youngest is still at home. He's 25 and was our first foster baby, back when we weren't planning to keep any of them! lol So I understand that "tired and depressed" thing with the extra added bonus of BPD in the mix.

The good news is you're here at bpdfamily. :)  With a wealth of information (which I am still reading through!) and people with experience and compassion to help you work your way through this new part of your life. Honestly, I think you have an advantage in being her grandmother and being that one step removed, plus the extra experience you have. Plus you are so apparently a loving person. Your gd is so blessed to have you!

i just had to come by and comment when i saw you were a foster parent too--a sure sign of a loving heart.   

Vivek ... I did post in the newbies forum first  :) So far this has been a great forum to see that I'm not the only one going through all this drama.  If nothing else, I've read about things that I've seen myself... almost to a T.  Great source of information and resources too. 

glad you like it here BPDteensmom   I think it's the best thing since sliced bread here   

What I meant was if you posted a new thread for yourself here, then those of us who have checked out the newbies board would be introduced to you. And you can have a whole discussion about any concerns you want to raise.

Between you and me BPDtnma (your new nickname  ), posting here on other people's boards and doing my own threads was so good for me, I learnt so much and felt that there were all these people who actually understood. So good eh?

Looking forward to seeing you on your own thread 

cheers,

Vivek