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Title: So confused... can I get some insight into behavior post sudden move-out? Post by: chainsawkitty on September 04, 2013, 12:33:09 PM Have a bit of an unusual situations,so here's a little backstory. My much younger uBPDbf moved in with me as a boarder after my divorce a couple of years ago. He needed a cheap place to stay while going to college, and I needed the money. A relationship developed after a few months, but I thought it was best kept secret so as to not affect my kids. (Or raise the ire of my ex-husband). This was stressful at times, so at first I just blamed his odd behaviors/anger/etc. on that. But, I started Googling and found out about BPD. He is pretty much a classic textbook case. Was def. an "A-ha" moment. We did the usual cycles of him raging, me being hurt, then things being fine again. I know I was painted black several times over showing jealousy about girls he was constantly texting/chatting with online. Big on accusing me of trying to control him. In between all this, there were some very good times.
A few weeks ago, after a push-pull cycle, he suddenly announced that he had enrolled himself in a college 30 miles away and would be moving into the dorms in a few days. I was shocked, hurt, etc. But I just tried to keep my cool, and he never would respond to queries about what that would mean for our relationship. By 9 a.m. the next morning after he moved out, I already had a couple of texts, he was wanting to come by and get something. And he initiated sex (which is a rarity) before he left. Since then, it's been up and down, sometimes he is friendly and responds to my chat/text attempts, sometimes I can tell I'm being ignored. We've gone out to lunch 1-2 times a week, but today he turned it down. Also, he's been spending Saturday nights with me (kids are gone), and we've had a lot of fun and he's been sweet, receptive, and cuddly, But this past weekend, he woke up at dawn and left, either though neither of us had anything pressing to do. When I asked why, he said he was "Bored." I do love and care for him very much, and I'm finding this all rather hurtful. Any insight for me? Can I continue to just expect more of the same? Title: Re: So confused... can I get some insight into behavior post sudden move-out? Post by: briefcase on September 04, 2013, 12:56:39 PM *welcome*
If you don't mind sharing, how old is he? If he has BPD, he will need to go to therapy to change, you can't do that for him. You can be a strong, mature leader in the relationship. Have you had a chance to read our Lessons? Title: Re: So confused... can I get some insight into behavior post sudden move-out? Post by: chainsawkitty on September 04, 2013, 01:19:52 PM He is 22. I know he had some sort of psychological intervention as a teen, and was on medication briefly. But this is something that made him angry to discuss, so I have never really gotten any details. I brought up BPD once, and was instantly raged at, and told I was the one with a problem. No way he would seek help at this point, he doesn't think anything is wrong with him!
Yes, I actually joined a few months ago, and have been reading all I can here. Title: Re: So confused... can I get some insight into behavior post sudden move-out? Post by: Washisheart on September 04, 2013, 06:02:41 PM He found someone else. Sorry :-(
Title: Re: So confused... can I get some insight into behavior post sudden move-out? Post by: chainsawkitty on September 04, 2013, 08:19:41 PM He knows no one in the town he moved to? And is super shy, socially awkward, and has very low self-esteem. So I really don't think that is the case at this point. (We have a mutual friend that would tell me that if it were the case, also.)
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