BPDFamily.com

Perhaps this is just a vent to get things off my chest and out into the open.  This was supposed to be a three day relaxing holiday weekend when I hoped my dBPDgf would relax and calm down.  But that wasn't the case, and I wound up taking her to a mental hospital.

She had Friday off work, too.  And it started well with her telling me all the things she was going to do with her day off - go to the gym, cook, go to the store.  But by noon she was already sending me a text message saying she was really depressed and had not gotten out of bed yet.  I came home around 530 PM to still find her having done nothing all day.

I had been planning on visiting my parents out of town on Saturday, and of course she was invited to come along.  But she had already told me that she didn't want to go or be around people.  Friday night she asked why I didn't just leave Friday night, and I said that I did not want to drive in holiday traffic at night.  She was a little mad at me at that reply.  And then she asked me to take the few cans of beer from the fridge with me.  That scared me, because I knew the reason is that she was afraid she would not be able to stop herself from drinking if there was alcohol in the house.

Saturday, I woke up and packed a few things up.  She said she didn't want me to leave her, and she felt really alone and scared.  I reminded her that she could come with me, that it would only be for one night, and that I would only be a phone call and an hour and a half away.  She eventually decided to come with me, and we had a good time.  But on the drive home, the anxiety returned, she stressed about the upcoming work week, about negative news stories, and started crying uncontrollably.

She's really down on herself, says she feels like her life has no meaning, is worthless, that she fails at everything, and there is nothing to look forward to.  She entirely blamed herself for the problems she is facing, and worried her fate would be that of her mother - who also had BPD.

I tried reassuring her, comforting her, letting her cry on my shoulder, taking her out for a drive - and that helped somewhat.  But it didn't take long for those distractions to wear off, and she was back to crying and feeling really low. 

She said she needed to see a psychiatrist ASAP, and was worried she would have to go to a hospital.  She called out sick to work on Tuesday, and Monday night she called her therapist and the insurance company and they both assisted her in finding places she can go and services that are available.

Tuesday, I took the day off work and took her to the hospital.  We waited at one hospital for an hour and a half until her anxiety overwhelmed her, and we left to go to a different facility.  And the 2nd facility, they evaluated her, and recommended she be admitted and stay overnight for observation. 

She called about 10:30 and I had fallen asleep and didn't answer the phone.  She called about 4 more times over the next half hour, leaving a few angry messages, angry because I had not answered the phone.  She said it was cold there, they had not moved her to a bed, had not given her medicine, and the staff was rude.  She was not allowed to have her phone in there, and I had her car, and her wallet -  She wanted to come home. I told her that I would bring her wallet and purse and if she talked to the doctor and they said it was okay for her to leave, I would take her home.  I was thought that given her emotional state, they would not let her leave.  But I got there, and they released her to me.  I probably enabled her by picking her up, and I worry that was the wrong thing to do. 

before she left, she complained to the doctor and the staff about what a horrible place that was, how it was cold, that nobody cared that she was having an anxiety attack, that they were rude, that they lied to her, and the whole nine yards.  The doctor said she was sorry, but it was clear to me that the doctor just wanted her to leave and go away.  the doctor made little attempt to calm her down.

When I got back in the car, she briefly screamed at me, then the whole ride home complained about the hospital.  A few minutes after we got home, she broke back down in tears and gave more hopeless statements like "what am I going to do now?"  and "I should have stayed - but I just hate hospitals."  She cried most of the next hour as I held her and she fell asleep.

Now I am at work, and worried.  I told her to call or text if she needed anything.  She asked what she should do, and I said she should call her therapist, get her prescriptions filled, and call the crisis line if she feels out of control.  But I haven't heard from her all day.  I hope she is okay.  I know I need to detach - but I am worried.

What a stressful situation. How did you go with this?

Thanks for the reply, Aussie.  it was worrisome and stressful until she checked herself back into the hospital, and will be there a week. 

I feel better because I now have help in dealing with this (the hospital).

I visited her this afternoon - they have her on a ton of meds, and she is much calmer.

That would be a relief knowing that she in professional care.  I have never

been in that situation but I imagine its very stressful. What do you plan to do?

Sorry to butt in to this thread, but it seems like this young lady is in a lot of psychological trouble, and max, you're not sure you want her to keep living in your home (with good reason, perhaps, because she has been physically abusive and threatening with you).

The more you continue to act as her next of kin when she needs hospitalization, the more her condition worsens as she tries to win you over with desperation (which never works in the long run). Why not call a time-out on the relationship and let someone from her family be the person picking her up and taking her home (not to your home, but to their home). If you are not sure that she is "the one," then all the care-taking you are doing as she sinks deeper and deeper reinforces her for getting worse. And she knows on some level that you would like to end things.

That's my two cents and I hope I have managed to be more tactful about it this time. I don't fault you for getting into this situation. I don't think you knew what kind of trouble lay ahead. She may have several conditions in addition to BPD. I once became involved with a man who was on his way to a complete nervous breakdown (I heard from his friends that he was bipolar type 1, but he was probably schizophrenic, as he adopted different identities). I felt terribly guilty but I knew there was nothing I could do for him. I let his mother check him into a hospital and I never saw him again (leaving a hasty marriage proposal of his unanswered, but I'm sure he forgot all about it). It's now over 20 years later and he seems to have recovered well after going back to his hometown and restarting his life. I don't think he has married or raised a family, but he is working again.