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The "pull" is very strong today.  I've come to know it as a "pull" cause it seems to most times be two sided... . like I KNOW I'm going to hear or she WANTS to hear from me.  I am resisting this one as she told me NO CONTACT ever again.

Does anyone else go through this?  I use to attribute it to the "connection" between us - I could FEEL when she was coming back around.  I had a dream last night too that we made up and there was a lot of affection in my dream... . this happened about 2-3 days before contact last time.

Would love to know if this is just me or if anyone else experiences this too.

In the beginning, I did not listen to my ex when he indicated NO CONTACT.  I strongly recommend you just resist the urge and not make the contact.  You appear to want contact and are receptive to it from her so just wait for her to come around to initiating it.  I suffered a great deal of pain and stunted healing by not respecting the NO CONTACT request of my ex.  I know it is hard but just relax, think nice thoughts, reminsce, but don't contact.

im fighting the same thing today my ex makes contact every week email facebook txt call something every week. ive never been able to go more than 48 hours without calling her back. its been 6 months of this... . i miss you love want you dont like life with out. contact ends the same way everytime. she stays with the new b/f i change my cell number and stop talking to her, for a week. then it starts all over. wed was 7 days n/c and like clock work at 730 AM a facebook message. ive not answered i know i could block her, i dont want to block her. i want her to know ive seen the message. i want her to know im not calling or beging anymore. i want her know i can live without her.

i want her back want my family back but calling her and telling her that again is going to end the same way. this time im run this dog and pony show. when she contact me about something i want to hear, ill talk to her at that point. she knows how to work me but know i know thats what shes doing. if she cant take charge of this illness and get help we will have be over. the end of family for ever is hers to deal with.

i quess what im saying is if you want it to be stay like it is keep doing what your doing! if not do something new.

Stay strong and only respond based on your guidelines you specified.  I know it's hard but it is what we must do to heal.   

Thank you all for your responses.  I've never broke N/C - even when it went almost 3 weeks back in Jan/Feb.  At this point I want my life back.  I was not married to her - we are both married to other people.  My husband has known all about this and has been the one to hold me up each time.  This time was so bad he has told me no more - And I will NOT sacrifice him for her!  He's normal, sane, wonderful man who supported my curiosity and allowed me to seek a GF.  Talk about your all time back fire!

She has pushed me away so many times.  She gets confused and feels guilt over her relationship with me - and will end it based on needing to be faithful in her marriage - okay so I go with it.  Then she will come back weeks later - sometimes we fight and do not speak because she cannot handle the fact that I do live my own life not based on her actions.  My sin... . I was with someone else during one of those times of N/C.

So I do not know if I will hear from her ever again.  This might be a deal breaker for her - the one thing she always counted on was that I was just "waiting" for her return.  How unfair to hold that standard over me... .

But I digress - I have allowed it to continue... .