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My sister jumped off a 30 foot bridge and is in the hospital.  She has had both her legs amputated below the knees and restructuring work done on her lumbar region and left arm.  She has been in the hospital over 3 months.   I am her health care surrogate.  She was deemed incapable of making decisions for about three months and was deemed capable a couple of weeks ago.  She lives in the South and I am in the Northeast.  She is having a hard time beginning to make decisions for herself and pulls on me constantly saying she isn't able to do things.  This has been extremely difficult for me, as I also go through grieving my husband who died 11 months ago abruptly while I was away.  I'm feeling drained by my sister's constant need for help.

She has been diagnosed by 4 Psychiatrists over the last 12 years as having BPD, as well as Major Depression Disorder and Major Psychotic Disorder.

Does anyone have suggestions as to how to handle my sister so that I don't feel continually pulled and drained?

Hey there dm-



I am awfully sorry to hear about the situation concerning your sister. BPD is a complex and confusing disorder, one that can bring a lot of pain to both the person who suffers from it and those who have these people in their lives.

What support, if any do you have in your life for dealing with your sister? Are you, or is she seeing a therapist?

I am sorry you are dealing with what you are, but I am glad that you have found us here at bpdfamily.  You will find a wealth of resources here and a community of people who have- and still are- dealing with what you are.

Octoberfest

  da-dbt-sis,

Your situation is tragic and disheartening, but I am glad your sister is still with us!  I know you are, too.  I want to join Octoberfest in welcoming you and letting you know that there are compassionate people here who care and understand.  In the meantime, you might take a look at this workshop on protecting yourself by using boundaries: BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence (https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries)

And some great communication skills are shared here: Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0)

Take care,

Phoenix.Rising

Oh dbt-sis, I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. My heart goes out to yo and your sister. Allow me to also welcome you to BPD Family. You've come to the right place! Here you will be able to learn tools to improve your relationship with your sister and also you'll be able to talk to people who have been in similar situations.

Here is a good video about how you can reduce conflict with a person with BPD (pwBPD).

Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD  (https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2010/09/video-tools-to-reduce-conflict-with.html)

The video uses the relationship between a couple as an example, but the tools in the video can be applied to any relationship between a non and a pwBPD.

Is your sister currently in therapy?