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I forget what the song is called... .

But one of the lines in the song is... .

"And keep on searching... .for this haunting... .as an answer... .

This is what I have been doing.

There is no answer... .

Not in the direction that I am looking... .which is at her.

What answer can she possibly give me?

She doesn't even know who she is.

An awful realization.

Hi Ironmanfalls

Try to look at it from the positive side.

In fact I think you have the answer, but you have to look at the matter again. But I could be wrong  :)

The answer is borderline.  It is not her but the borderline behavior.

The mistake is not hers (except for the denial if she knows it) and it is not yours.

So what other answer are you looking for ?

Reg

Reg,

The fact that I allowed this to happen.

What does that say about me?

That I lack something within me... .

And I allowed a compromised individual to compromise... .

Me.

Lyrics we hear while we casually enjoy a track can (out of nowhere) come up behind you & kick you right up the a$$!

I find myself listening to lyrics with a whole different perspective & sometimes even feel like the artist is specifically speaking to me!

Music can be very soul touching & thought provoking.





I don't think it's coincidence that so many pwBPD have way above the common average fondness for music, and particularly, lyrics! Some song lyrics tell us what the pwBPD themselves can't bring themselves to tell us.

Examples... .

When I was in The Who tribute she liked to hear us play 'The Acid Queen' (a song about a very unsavory sexual predator).

I had a Frank Sinatra CD in my car for a while & she would always play the last track 'The Lady Is A Tramp'

Lots of other examples I could come up with. Many/most of her favorite songs were about women you wouldn't consider 'keepers'!

Never figured it out at the time but was like she was trying to tell me via music, what was to come!

Some of the best songs come from a broken heart or a gut wrenching experience. And when we're feeling the pain it's almost like these songs find us and we hear them in ways we've never heard them before. All of a sudden the songs about sadness, loneliness, emptiness, betrayal... .are on our radar and make all the sense in the world.

As for your answer: It's BPD. It's mental illness. And it stared right in front of you when you were with her. The sooner you accept this the more you come closer to detaching and depersonalizing her behavior.

It was hard for me to accept that this amazingly handsome, quite striking, beautiful young man (my most passionate lover, fun loving buddy) was psychotic, emotionally unstable and prone to being abusive, controlling, possessive and narcissistic entitlement. The more he unraveled; the more it devastated me. He was the most physically attractive and sexiest man I've ever been with and he was MINE... .until he wasn't. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world... until well... .I wasn't.

My Love was not enough to fix my ex's traumatic upbringing. His good looks are a curse and a blessing. People have higher expectations of those who are deemed "the beautiful ones." In truth... .I know my ex would kill to not be sick in the head and heart. He'd kill to never emotionally dsyregulate. My ex would rather look like Sasquatch than to have BPD.

Ironman. Learning to let go is hard. Rumination keeps us stuck. We fell in love with someone mentally ill and that will not change with rumination. We must accept that our ex's never had the keys to our happiness. Our ex's are damaged in a bad way and damage others as well too.

I'm so sorry for your sadness. But you've got to begin to take care of you.

Spell

Moonie,

I can imagine how uncomfortable that must have made you feel with her playing that Tramp song

I recoiled reading that.

I'm so sorry.

Cologne/perfume has same power as music too.

We can't escape it. It is always around.

BPDspell,

I am trying to let go.

I actually left my house on a day off for the very first time since my ex left me back in July.

That was a lot for me.

I had no desire... .But propelled myself out the house.

This experience has been very damaging for me.

My ruminations are my way of venting the swirl of emotions that needs to escape the confined space within.

There are days where I accept it... .

And then there are days where I fall backwards.

I reckon if everyone on this board contributed one line, we'd come up with possibly the most heart felt blues song ever written!

Although to qualify as a real blues song it would have to include a train, and a lost or dead dog!  lol

Moonie,

It would be a number 1 hit.

With a massive amount of remixes to boot.