BPDFamily.com

This dialogue is from the movie The Last Samurai(with Tom Cruise)... .excellent movie about the ways of the old Samurai clashing with the inevitable contact of the Western world and its influence.

Somehow it relates to our struggle with the fallout we all endure.

Algren: What else has she told you?

Katsumoto: You have nightmares... .

Algren: Every soldier has nightmares... .

Katsumoto: Only one who is ashamed of what he has done... .

Algren: You have no idea... .what i have done.

Katsumoto: You have seen many things?

Algren: I have.

Katsumoto: You do not fear death... .But sometimes you wish for it. Is this not so?

Algren: Yes.

Katsumoto: I hope so. It happens to men who have seen what we have seen... .

And then... .I come to this place where my ancestors... .

And i remember... .Like these blossoms... .

We are all dying... .To know... .

Life in every breath... .Every cup of tea... .

Every life... .We take... .The way of the warrior... ."


My struggle to find meaning in this chaos.

My struggle to find peace.

In every breath.

This is a link to that movie scene... .It is stirring.

www.youtu.be/B9XyCwmh-5Q

Isn't there also a lesson inside this? To know life in every breath, every cup of tea... .Maybe a good reminder about mindfulness of the present over rumination or regret of the past?

Ironmanfalls,

At the time they would not call it PTSD... .

I think life is all about accepting who we are, and accepting our past.

Accepting who we are, does not mean we can not change.  Accepting the past is not confirming that it was ok, but it is the past, one can not change that.

I think learning_curve74 makes a good point there.

And BTW I also like that movie a lot.  It also is about changing and accepting... .  |iiii

Reg

Learning, Reg

Yes.

Slowly i am learning to accept this.

Ironmanfalls,

Learning indeed !

I'd even say personal growth !  You're on the right track !  Keep up that good work.  |iiii

Reg

Reg,

There is only one way to go after you have fallen so low... .

Up.

Ironmanfalls,

That is a very positive message and signal that you are giving ! To yourself and others  *)

And it is a very good one as well.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves about that, isn't it ?

Reg

Reg,

I cant keep ignoring my reflection in the mirror.

That person needs me.

I need that person.

That person is me.

Stilling my thoughts.

Indeed all you need to do now is to take care of yourself ! There's nothing wrong about that !

This is excellent, Ironman --


So true, and so dead on point. Amid the non-stop torrent of electronic messages my ex has been sending me for the past week, one asked, "are you with someone new?" It arrived in the midst of a storm of other emails and txt msgs accusing me of everything from cheating on her throughout the r-ship (absolutely false) and exposing her to STD's, to begging me to visit her in the hospital "like all exes do!"

The answer came to me almost immediately. Am I with someone new? Yes -- I'm with the guy who is beginning to resemble the person I knew myself to be before I became a player in my ex's BPD drama.

Stay the course.

Eyvinder,

I can imagine how maddening that onslaught of messages must feel.

Healing.

Thanks, Ironman.

It was utterly devastating to me... .when the same thing happened a year ago... .and I finally broke down and broke NC -- which she initiated and then broke -- only to be subjected to even more extremes of her anger and hurtful accusations.

Because of that, and what I've learned from the experiences and insights shared on these boards by other members, this time I anticipated it, which has made dealing with it easier. Don't get me wrong, it still sucks -- but I'm much more able to step away from it and see it as the disease talking, as opposed to this person who I loved. But also to remember that she is choosing to do this -- despite the BPD, she is responsible for her awful behavior.

This morning, she sent me 20 consecutive posts, each of which said only "Why."

Why? -- how about you just go back and read the past week's of messages and txts and emails that you've sent me, for starters? If that's not enough, feel free to read the additional 2 yrs of emails. Sheesh. Why.

Tempting to respond, but no way. Been there, done that.

That.

In bold.

Being subjected to that more then once... .

Is what causes such damage... .

That makes the healing process... .

That much more difficult.

How many times do you want to rebuild your self esteem starting from 0?

I cannot stomach another round of that.


Separating the disorder from the person... .

I know what a long road that must have been for you.

You are maintaining NC... .A positive.

Having maintained NC for 48 hours (yes I know that sounds pathetic) i broke it today and sent an email outlining the separation agreement we drew up at the weekend together. His lack of response is killing me. I'm still in a state of disbelief that our 31 year marriage has ended this way. The feelings of acute love and yearning keep intruding on all my other thoughts.  It's hell. What a fool I am to have broken the NC. Like recycling, it sends you back to 0.

Toomanytears,

Sends you a  .

You are not a fool.

31 years... .That is a really long time.

I am so sorry you have experienced that.

NC is not easy.

48 hours is a start... .

It sends you back to 0... .

I know.

I know how painful that is.