BPDFamily.com

 

I feel the need to post but could not find a topic that suited me today. It's been a year since I figured out my husband is BPD. This discovery has reinforced itself over and over during the past year. He understands he has it and he accepts it but will in no way seek outside help as in counseling. I have come to leave this alone as it just ends up in an argument. However he did want to read about it so we purchased the book I think this website recommended. He has been reading it a little at a time.

A few weeks ago I witnessed something I never saw before. He sidestepped BPD'ing quite a few times within a one week period. I mentioned to him I noticed and he confessed he was trying as he hates the BPD in him. Well, the week culminated in an argument as I guess he just held everything in. At this point in my walk with the Lord I have a lot of self-control and am very patient so the argument was him BPD'ing and me listening mostly but I did my share of responding, too. I can handle his eruptions more and more as I educate myself about BPD and there are times when he is able to listen to me more than other times. Holding everything in is not the healthy way to handle one's own BPD. Understanding that is why I was able to let him spew as I could clearly see his emotions were even more out of whack than usual when BPD'ing that night.

Sometimes I feel a touch of overwhelm when he is on my back about something, but more often than not he is loving me and liking me and acting like good friends. I am blessed that he is like this more then the negative. However, when the negative presents itself I, like others, need to take some time and gather my thoughts and focus so I stay as emotionally healthy as I am. That's not bragging btw it is just that I know where I was and I know where I am.

One thing I was doing that was not fair to me was trying to do it alone. I tried sharing the whole BPD thing with a few different friends but they had that look about them that showed me they just weren't ready to hear it. So I didn't push, but I did give up. Finally in a state of high emotion which had to do with my older brother and not my husband (fortunately my brother is not in my life very often as he has many issues) I was writing my bi-weekly email to my sister in another state and I let down my guard and told her about my husband's BPD. She was way more encouraging and accepting than I expected. Completely non-judgmental and invited me to talk with her in person as they are all coming in from out of state for our mother's 90th birthday party we are giving her next month. What a wonderful feeling when someone you love and trust and admire is willing to come by your side and just be there for you in your time of need.

I want to encourage all of you who are married to a BPD that even though you can't change them you can work on you and that in essence influences them. Try it! It is not easy but it is worth it!

Thank you, I really needed to hear that!

You're welcome. I thought this placed closed. ?

Very inspirational, thank you for posting.  I too was surprised how open a few friends and family members were to talking about my situation.  Reaching out to friends and family is a great place to begin taking better care of yourself.  It has an immidiate impact.   |iiii

Do you think your husband would be open to seeing a therapist for formal treatment of his BPD?  It's rare that people with BPD are so open to working on themselves as your husband has been (reading books and trying the techniques, etc.).  Just imagine what he could accomplish with the help of therapy. 

Oh, and we've never closed!  We're always here if you need us.   :)