BPDFamily.com

History in free fall so far. He left 4 months ago, living with another woman, has introduced her to the kids weeks after leaving, discussed marriage to her with our daughter 8 asked daughter to be bridesmaid, didnt see the children for 8 weeks, turned up two days ago for our sons first day of school spent under an hour with the children.

When he was here i has a chance to talk to him what a huge waste of time! I tried to convince him to see the kids more wow im i an idiot. Ok I LIED but i lied for my childrens sakes. I told him our daughter is in therapy because she feels abandoned which she does. She feels his new life is more important than she is because he skypes but its short. She tells me how she feels all the time she very open about how she feels but cant bring herself to tell her father because she is scared to hurt his feelings. Well last night she shone really shone! I have been talking to her about expressing herself, being honest about how she feels, saying no even to me! if she feels she is right and has a good reason for her no. Boy o boy the confidence i have been teaching her has come out in buckets and im proud of her very proud. What she did took every bit of her being but she stood tall.

Her father was on skype with her asking her how she feels and telling her how much he loves her, which he really does. My daughter expressed to me she feels his love is fictional yes she used the word fictional in context i told the ex this when he was here the day before, he asked her i thought she would back down and deny it because she doesnt want to hurt his feelings HELL NO! she struggled through and told him how him not seeing her makes his love feel fictional. He then went on to talk about why his family doesnt talk to me, they dont want to take sides etc, when he said he doesnt come see them because i prevent it she firstly told him his telling lies repeatedly mommy would never do that. Then he said he will get her a cell phone for herself she refused said shes to young for a cell phone and she talked over him! to a point he said my baby im not going to argue with you then the big blow he said he would give her the password to his email so she could read what we talk about my daughter blow him out the water he got a huge NOO IT NOT MY BUSINESS im just a child and she  used his words against him, " daddy im like granny i dont want to get involved its not my business" My daughter stood her ground! he had to back down she 8 but shes made up her mind about what she needs. Yes he found out that there is no therapy but hey who cares, yes he recorded the conversation but maybe he will play it back and see how his daughter has a mind of her own and she cant be manipulated.


I told him how him not seeing the children makes her feel, i was in tears begging him to be more structured with the children boy o boy was that a waste of time. He arrived at 12:30 our son was in school for his first day from 1pm to 3pm we picked up our daughter as well and went back to my flat instead of spending time witht he children spent all his time packing his car and when it was all packed he told the children he has to go!He left at 4:30! They had him for about 20 minutes because he was packing his car 20 mins of his time after not seeing him for 8 weeks! They were ripped to pieces!

His angry very angry after asking him for a long time for a divorce his got a lawyer and in his words they out for blood! His going to destroy me etc etc thats his main focus. But i annoyed him because he thinks i have money which i dont its what he is after lol i wish i had money then i could afford a lawyer but i dont shame poor fool is spending who knows how much to divorce me and its all for nothing i have nothing that part pleases me to no end.

Im just so happy that my daughter is standing up to him and say what she feels expressing herself BUT the sad part and the part that rips me is she is involved i cant take that as much as she stood up for herself she should have NEVER ever been put in that position ever i hate him for that im not saying that im innocent iv said somethings to her i should never have in the past but i know not to involve her ever! How his involving our daughter is wrong and i wish he burns in hell for that for taking our daughter's childhood away creating stress for her. He claims to love her then he uses her to get to me it worked for a while but no more his an animail to behave like he has towards his own flesh and blood! disgusting just to get to me he will use his own child vile!

I dont know which direction to go with this but i will find a way to protect her and give her back her childhood wish i could turn back time and be one step ahead of this man i refer to him as DNR do not resuscitate because there is no hope for this person. I know one day my kids will come through this and know who he is my daughter unfortunatly is learning early our son is four i need to remember and learn from this to protect him as the years go by because this angry man is out for blood and it will never stop his low very low and all i care about is my children i will lay my life on the line to protect them if i have to he will not mess them up like his trying to do. But i pity him his father was a monster his mother didnt help him he family throw him away very young now his lost this family must be hard knowing you have nothing wish god protects this man and showns him a better way but im human and my kids come first so i will do what i must to protect them!

YOu sound very strong and completely aware of how important that your children develop into balanced adults. It is so frustrating for me not to be able to discuss this with my exuBPDh, that sort of conversation would go round in circles, that he would become defensive that I was accusing him of causing the children problems. But I just wated to talk about setting common principles and goals to guarantee their happiness and stability!

You must be proud of your daughter that she is standing up for herself, that she knows his behaviour is wrong. She is right she should not be involved. At this difficult time both parents should be therefore her reasuring her how much she is loved. 

My children constantly change their tune, they stand up for him because I left him, they repeat his comments that I have ruined his life and destroyed the family. I know they are worried about his mental state too, after a year of separation he is angrier than ever. I want them to spend more time with me and less with him.

He comments on all emails I write to him reads them to the kids, I have asked him a million times not to get them involved but either he doesnt get it, or he involves them deliberately to hurt me.  When He had a fit of throwing all my possessions out of the house, leaving them on the garden path, when I came to pick up the kids he left the kids to help me load the car, it was very distressing for all three of us. Two days later he gave my son a bunch of flowers to give me to say sorry!

You say you pity him, and I understand that. It is that pity that makes it impossible to detach in spite of that behaviour.

YOur children are younger than mine, your 4 years old will grow up with your very positive parenting skills, and have to develop his own understanding of how his dad behaves.