BPDFamily.com

When things get hard, I sometimes imagine the skids as adults, talking to a therapist.  What will they say?  Most of the time, when there is a PD parent, the other parent has PD or at least some issues.  I married into this situation, and I can see where my dh fed into some of the mess the kids are facing today.  He is not PD, but he was an only child and can be particular about things at times, and as a single dad, sometimes he was a bit militaristic when they were younger.  The kids often tell me that he is a lot more laid back now that we are married (and that makes them happy).   

I think back to my childhood where my dad was the one about "sucking it up" emotionally where my mom was more about letting me express my emotions.  He wasn't disordered... .just a typical male, but with my mom's balance, it was fine. 

In my skids' situations, they had a dad who was all about "suck it up" and a mom who puts her emotions onto them and wants them to take care of HER emotions.  They don't even know how they themselves feel.     My dh is working with a therapist and the boys, and the therapist has been advising DH to really let the boys feel as their mom is imposing her emotions onto them.  I am glad he is getting this input.

When I read complaints about PD parents, some of them seem like "normal" parenting complaints (such as a dad who doesn't let you feel), but perhaps it is more about the degree to which it happened.  I am not saying that it is ok for a parent not to let you feel, but that doesn't necessarily make the parent disordered... .I remember hearing that the typical parenting style a long time ago was "children should be seen and not heard."  I know my parents were raised that way. 

Anyway, I guess our job is to be the best we parents we can be, to provide them with a skill set so that they can successfully navigate their relationship with their PD parent, and to just be there, period.  It will just be interesting to hear the kids' perspectives as adults about how we fared in our attempts.  I hope it is good enough.   :)

I imagine my kid saying, what the heck?

I have SS's. They are xBPDw from her first marriage . They are all adults now. The one with sustance abuse issues has cut me off from his life. He also doesn't get along with his brothers. He does still have a relationship with his mom. One is total NC with his mom and has been for 5 plus years now. We went down the shore this summer with my younger boys (they are ex's and mine) for a week. The other sees his mom for holidays and that is it. In fact, S15 just had a birthday last week. SS wanted to say happy birthday and called me. He asked when S15 would be with me. It was a few days and SS wanted to talk to him before that. He didn't want to call his mom's phone and he didn't know their house number so I gave it to him. I didn't ask him why. I already sensed he avoids her.