BPDFamily.com

Hi there,

So I'm pretty new here, but I've been doing a LOT of reading. I was just reading the workshop thread about validation, and I think that was a big eye opener. I think I've spent too much time reacting to my BPDbf with logic instead of just acknowledging that he truly feels ... .however he feels! I know in the past I've put way too much effort into explaining why some of his assumptions are wrong. An example is when he assumes someone must think the worst of him, even when they haven't said a single bad word about him or done anything to suggest that they do not like him. In the past, I've gone into long explanations about why that's just not true, that other person likes you just fine, etc. We'd just end up going round and round in circles, when really what he needed to hear was something that validates the emotions he's feeling. Am I getting that right? I know that sometimes I've stumbled onto it myself, where I actually HEAR what he's saying and instead of trying to wave my logic wand at it, I just say, "Wow, that must be really frustrating." And then I'm surprised (though apparently I shouldn't be!) when he responds with, "Thank you for understanding." So I will have to get better at this.

Anyway, thanks for listening, mostly just getting my feet around the forum right now, but thought I would say something about how much useful info I am finding here. :)

 |iiii

Iolair

Validation is really important. Its even a "everyday" tool, not only for people with BPD


You got this right. And he took it well.  :)

Keep going with it.

Thanks Surnia,

Maybe I should try it with co-workers sometime, see if it helps there too. :)

Now I am going to have to go back and read lots more about all the other tools. I've only gotten through a few of the workshops so far. There's gold in there.

Sounds like you have it right.  Validation is a powerful communication tool.  Too often we try to solve problems or exlain why there really is no issue, and all they want is to be heard.