BPDFamily.com

We've all been there. Those arguments that start over nothing, we try to make a point, they throw out a million and one decoy argument topics to avoid the main issue at hand. Rewrite history from minutes earlier. They repeat themselves over and over in a nonsensical way like a child having a tantrum.

I just need to remind myself again what all that was like so if you guys had any ridiculous argument stories you wanted to recreate please do so.

yes, all the time. Sometime looking back its funny but also sad.

One arguement was over a guest i had  stay at my home that she accused of using some of her beauty products.

her: shes using my products.

me: she might be but I dont think so>

her: so im just a lying piece of ___.

me: no, maybe your are just mistaken.

her: I knew it you always side with someone else, you just dont want me to look beautiful

me: WTH

another one:

her: you dont do enough to help me.

me: like what, I offered to come and help you move in your house while you was out of town but you told me no

her: you could just do more, like mow my grass and wash my car.

me: I cant mow your grass, I dont get off work until it almost dark and by the time i load up my mower drive to your house its dark.

her: you could have washed my car then.

me: I dont have keys to your car and you was driving it, how was i supposed to do that while you are driving it out of town.

her: you have an excuse for everything dont you.

me: WTH

so it is sad to see someone you love brain work in that manner but it can be comical if you think about.

In round 2 of relationship... .

Her mother saw a picture of me on Facebook(i never spoke, interacted with her mother at all) and told my exUBPDgf

"Ironmanfalls is gay, i saw his pic... .He looks gay and to prove it... .I showed his pic to a gay friend of mine who confirmed that indeed... .according to the pic... .he is gay."

When she told me this... .

I was like "i travel 5 hours by bus from NYC to Boston to see you every week... .How in the world am i gay if i am doing all of this to be with you, my woman?"... .

The fact i even had to explain that... .No words.

She simply at first told her mother "he is not gay."

Towards end of devaluation(i had stopped having sex with her due to her put downs, insults and what not)... .

So on the day when she left me... .

She throws in my face, "my mother never even met you and she was right. You must be gay. You stopped having sex with me."... .

She couldnt/wouldnt link her behavior to killing my sex drive.

So in her mind... .I must be gay.


And she kept repeating that to me.

When i finally got a word in, i told her... .

"I stopped having sex with you because of the way you would speak to me, the way you would treat me."

She gasped.

How dare i say to her that it was her behavior towards me... .

I wish i was making this stuff up.

Same thing happened to me. In the end she said all of her friends think that I was gay.

She didn't seem to understand that constantly picking fights, devaluation, crazy making behavior, always having to be right, raging and the countless other tactics killed my wanting to have sex with her.

I can imagine how frustrating... .

Maddening... .

Mind imploding... .

Saddening... .

It must have been.

And to even have to defend yourself against such a nonsensical branding... .

I remember telling my exUBPDgf,

":)o you even hear what it is you are accusing me of?... .

Do you even understand what your mother is saying about me when she never even met me or interacted with me in any fashion?... ."

She was already deaf to my words at that point.

Mine centered around her acting like a single woman even though we were married. She

would go out to dance clubs and other such places full of singles on the prowl. When I asked her to stop I was berated for my insecurity because she knew she was doing nothing wrong. I offered to go with her and was told she could not be herself and have fun with me around. When I was finaly allowed to go I ended up being the life of the party and getting more attention than her. So I was told I could not go anymore. I offered to help her try and find solutions that met both our needs and was accused of controlling her. This was a 16 year circle of madness.

The other was money. I was always the one spending all our money on stuff for the kids or me. She watched the accounts like a hawk and if I could not justify every dime I was

berated and put on a tighter allowence. When it came time for a friends wedding  our daughters did not have any simple nice dresses. She was irrate because she had dozens including 4 black ones so how could they not have any. So when the girls told her you get mad if dad buys us clothes or anything else how are we suppose to get them she walked away and never spoke of it again other than to say we just wont take the kids next time.

These are maybe one percent of the endless arguments that led to our divorce.

In bold.

That.

I had the same issue with mine in the second devaluation.

I dont ever want to deal with that ever again.

It destroys your self esteem... .

Your sense of security.

No more.

I've been separated for 7 months from her and I don't remember the specifics of what we used to argue about. It's becoming foggy and it was confusing at the time because she was changing facts or trying to rationalize things in such a way that it benefited her. I remember she somewhat made sense at times with her arguments but there was always something that was off.

One argument that I do remember is when she attacked me in one of her rages and I automatic reaction and defended myself. She charged me. It went to court. I'm in Canada so it's different, but the Crown Prosecutor and someone else and my stbx uBPDw went into a room. My L kept looking back at the room and was explaining what they are doing, then he was saying this is taking a long time, i bet this is over. So after they were in there for about 15 minutes and before they came out, he said it's done. This is kind of going off topic a little but he looked back at my wife and leaned over and he couldn't make sense why she was charging her husband and said "Why are you with her?" I replied "Because I love her" If only I had paid attention to the writing on the wall.

But the charges were dropped. This happened in 2010 and it something that she kept bringing back and arguing her point that she didn't bite that hard, and that I had retaliated to hard.

She laid an unbelievable amount of guilt on me and she would even call me a 'wife beater' in front of the kids. She never took ownership of her actions and her physical attack on me and it was a broken argument record, she had to win like everything else.

The arguments with my STBD uBPD/H were almost always about the same topic. I shouldn't even call them arguments, more like him criticizing me and me defending myself.

He constantly complained that I didn't pay enough attention to him. Saying that I loved my job more than I loved him, a book more, the puppy more, the floors being cleaned more, my friends more, my kids more.  He complained that I was fun around other people but not around him. He complained that I could converse with my girl friends on the phone for an hour, but not with him. (He told me what topics i was not allowed to discuss with him because he didn't care about them). He complained about sex, whether he was getting plenty or not.  He got angry if things didn't go just the way he thought they should.  And I spent my life trying to avoid all of the above from happening.  Making nice and sacrificing.  I wouldn't do something I might have wanted to do (go shopping, spend time with a friend) because I knew he would get angry.  There is so much more!  And his criticism was cruel and hurtful!

UGH!  How did I do it?

Hi all

I hear ya!

Some of my round and round arguments; (mostly him having them by himself! )

Him ranting, raging, cursing, (most disgusting words) verbal violence, insinuations, assumptions, (always about other people and based on his own twisted perceptions of things), and me sitting in the background, (or beside him  ) soaking it up like a sponge, or saying that is enough now. I don't wish to discuss this anymore, I don't wish to hear anymore.

Him, amp up his provocation, nastier and nastier, toxic, violent rants.

Public holidays, (Christmas, Valentines, Birthdays, New Years, long weekends etc);

Waste of time attempting to make plans with BP, he would insist he didn't want to be part of any celebrations, or make any plans with me, then when I went ahead and made plans with my children, (Birthdays or Christmas) he would get angry and nasty about me never spending time or making plans to do things with him.

This one went round and round so often I got dizzy thinking about it.

Valentines Day this year; (every Valentines BP started arguments because apparently I was never spending it with him, (yes, some of us actually have to work!).

I attempted to make plans, take him out somewhere, do something, but no, he would refrain from a 'lot of fuss'. So then when I only saw him in the evening, after work, he would often provoke me into a fight, or try to.

This one just past, I again attempted to make plans with him, and again he had something he had to do, more important. Then, you guessed it, he 'punished me' since I didn't spend it with him! yet it was him who decided not to spend the days with me!

Then there was;

BP; "you never come and see me, you never want to spend time with me, I reckon you have lots of fun, just not when your with me"

BP; "I'm sick of eating fat laden takeaways, (KFC all the time)".

Me; Yes, I guess you must be sick of eating takeaways all the time, have you thought about Subway, or getting some healthier food from other places?"

BP; I can't afford it, I'm starving you know, my parents hate me and starve me" (this is a 46 year old man by the way!)

"I can't make a sandwich in my car you know, remember I'm homeless", (he lives for free at his parents in his own space).

His excuses for being unemployed 5 years now?

BP; "My parents, My brother, getting involved with you and your crap family, your crap friends, your crap life, I'm starving, how can I get a job looking like an old drug addict?" (hmm those words made me wonder you know).

"We haven't been in a relationship for the past 16 months, since you kicked me out of your house."

OH, so every week, and more, when I came to spend time with you, made love to you, you were trying several times to get me to buy you another car, a truck, and all the other stuff you manipulated out of me, (what exactly were we in then?).

Oh the list goes on, sickly so!

Thanks for letting me vent

Roller

This is exactly what killed my desire for my wife, but I can't tell her this.  And if I did, it would do more harm than good, so what do you do?

And, yes, she has asked me if I am gay, too.