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After a full year of hell I ended it yesterday. I cant believe how happy I feel, its like a huge weight off my shoulders. Only wish I had done it sooner.

Hi strikeforce

It feels good when we take our life back, I can relate with feeling such a relief!  :)

How is your situation regarding stuff, household and so on?

My situation is excellent, we never lived together but we were planning that, thankfully we never got to that stage.

My only question is what should I expect her to do with regards to contact?

She dumped me some 6 months ago but kept texting until we got back together.

In this case I would recommend you going NC for some time. To make clear you won't come back to her a third time.

Well I have deleted her number and blocked her on facebook so its what she does next

To sum up my relationship and to help me on moving on I will say this:

I know she loved me, she loved me in her own way and she understood that I was trying to make sense of her situation.

But as with the rest of BPD sufferers she pushed me away time and time again when we got close, I simply couldn't go on like that.

Many people with BPD partners will be going through the same thoughts as I did, ''maybe they'll change'', ''maybe it'll be good in the end''

No it wont sadly, get out while you can otherwise they will destroy you.

But remember its not their fault, and I know that my ex would have changed if she could.

Yep ... .No Contact is the way to go ... .each recycle make it worse and more painful at the end.

Im coping alright so far I think but been dreaming about her, its a little unsettling

Hey Strikeforce, I think you summed that up well!  Be grateful that your detour into BPD Land was relatively brief.  For some of us, it was a much longer haul (16 years!).  Lucky Jim

Hey Jucky Jim, yeah I realize that I am very lucky compared to others and I am lucky that she told be very early on that she had BPD and I was able to research it.

She loved, and I genuinely mean loved, the fact that I took an interest in her problem, but It wasn't enough to save us.

The question I guess I need to ask is this:

We were together for a year, texting each other loads per day for the year, I am now on day 3 of NC, what will she be thinking right now?

We can't know what she's thinking but we do know from the posts here on the board that there is a recurring and common pattern:

1. She might be looking for your replacement if one hasn't been lined up already.

2. She might attempt a recycle if/when the replacement doesn't get hooked.

3. She might have painted you black and then white and then black again.

4. She will more than likely contact you.

Just remember how lucky you are that you knew about her condition, familiarized yourself with it and didn't live together. Maintaining NC is the best thing you can do right now, no matter what.

Ok cool, so even although I ended it she is more than likely to contact me at some point?

Ill be honest, because maybe it will be helpful... .but your questions sound like you want to hear from her... .

not judging, and i might be wrong, but just saying

A friend of mine said the same thing, and I believe you are both right

Hello again, strikeforce, I have a good mind for analysis and solving problems and, like you, I operated for a long time under the premise that I could "figure out" BPD and that things would get better between me and my BPDexW over time.  Yet the opposite proved true: BPD proved much more complex that I ever imagined and things got much worse in our marriage.  BPD, I found, is a tough nut to crack.  Suggest you tread carefully during this transition period.  Lucky Jim

Well she was in touch today while I was at work.

Said I was to blame for the fall out, then went on to say she forgave me but couldn't get back with me.

A short while later another message saying she was confused and that she was on new medication, asking what I was up to.

Said she had changed her number but text me from that new number 

Bizzare. Similar to what she done last time.

But going to maintain NC.

Interesting tactic she used! Admit no wrong but let you know she's ready for you accept all blame?


I'm guessing she felt since you gave her no response it was time to change tactics?

I'm also guessing when you were together if you didn't respond to a message quickly enough you would be in trouble?

If I didn't text sometimes she would panic but usually she wasn't too bad