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Looking at this 2 different ways it can be a bleassing in disguise or a continued hell.  I made a mistake of telling uBPDw about a company that one of our sister companies purchased a few weeks ago in a state me used to live.  She imediately got excited and I'm telling you it wasn't 10 mins and she was online looking them up to see if they had and job openings for me.  Never mind the fact I liek what I am doing and have stated that many times to her.

So she says she will go and when soemthign comes up I can follow later. Now thats where it could be a blessing in disguise. I have a way out. But that seems cruel and seems like a cowards way out. But very much the easiest way to end the r/s.

But I doubt she would do that. Also she mentioned that I would probabley just say I would follow and just stay here... .hmm does she have esp? 

Either way she wants to move back there... Claims she was happier. We came back here for family and now she wants to get away from them. Doesn't like her sister and brother in-law and the neice and nephew are almost grown up.  Again never mind I have a family here I would like to re-connect with.  I'm tired of being told I am holding her back... .even though her job is the one that brought us here  not mine. And that I liek min and she hats hers does not sit well with her. "You always get what you want and I get screwed"  Thing is she is gooad at her job and does it very well. She complains about the managemnt and owners but they have all acknowldged her abilities. They have also given her many raises.  I know $ doesn't = happiness. I'm not sure these days what = happines.

Hello, I'm feeling for you. From the outside looking in, let her go, sounds like she is going to be miserable wherever she is, whatever she is doing, whoever she is working for (oh yeah, punctuated with the BPD craziness where everything is up and you are wonderful). Success at work does not equate to mental health. I wish you all the best keep posting. Best wishes and warm regards... .

So any idea or help where I can do this without her being overly suspicious? Sometimes certain words are better than others.  So one other question that makes this hard to deal with... .When things are going bad they are horrible but when things are going ok then it feels like maybe I am being selfish or a jerk for  thinking like this.  But maybe its these times of clarity that I need the most help. It is a good way to fall back into being an unsuspecting door mat again.

I doubt very much that she actually plans on leaving.  When my husband is under stress he says that he's moving back home, moving to Costa Rica, moving to the West Coast.  He means it in his mind but he doesn't really mean it. 

I always handle those situations by stating that I need to stay where I am.  If its important for him to [fill in the blank] (whether that be get some family support, go take a vacation, hang out with friends, whatever) then I support him doing it but I have responsibilities and obligations here.  I'll maintain our base here.  I've done one move for mine and I won't get caught in a cycle of moving to try to make him happy.  Our current locations fulfills many of our shared goals and needs and therefore I will stay here.

By doing this, I give him space and stay far from being a doormat.

allibaba

If it were that she just wants to move that would be one thing. However she is lookign for jobs for her mostly. This is nothing new really. She has always doen this. Its how she spends her frre time at home oafter work most of the time.  When I tell her I am happy here and comfortable with my current job and not looking to change the situation she complains its not fair and I am holding her back.

Thats were I want to say to her you can still apply interview and take the job. I won't hold you back from that. Juts know I'm not going with you. I won't stop you from persuing a dream job. I have mine.